First of all I understand that this is not a dream interpretation website and there is actually a point as to what I'm about to explain.
Recently, I had a very strange dream that did not feel normal at all. It started with me being gravely ill and knowing with absolute certainty that I was dying. There were pulses of bright light in sync with my heartbeat during the dream and as I neared death they started to pulse more rapidly as my heart beat increased.
My heartbeat then stopped and the bright light consumed my vision as I fell onto my bed. Then I was left in darkness (which is the point where I gain awareness during my dream) and a low humming sound began around me.
I started feeling my limbs and eventually my whole body vibrate as the humming became deafening in my ears. I felt my body begin to lighten and lift. As it was lifting I became scared and started to descend, but I decided to let go and continue the experience. Eventually I felt myself pull away and I remained floating with my eyes closed (as I was still scared).
Once I built up the courage I opened my eyes and was seeing my room from an aerial view however it all had a blue tinge. My room was exactly the same except there was a cot at the end of it. I descended and approached the cot to find a baby sleeping inside.
She was so tiny and fragile. I could instantly feel that we were sisters. I just stood there and looked at her feeling a bond but also devoid of any emotions. Here's the strangest part - she had little wings developing and growing from her back. However they weren't feathery, they looked like they were constructed of only tissue that could be described as what you would see internally in someone's body if you cut them open. I could see the blood in each vessel being pumped through and the deep red of the skin covering the wings.
I watched the wings grow and at this point all I viewed my sister as was a vessel. I felt drawn to her and reached my hand out like I wanted to possess or steal the energy from her. But at the same time I felt like I was saving her in a twisted way. And even though the dream was so surreal every second of it felt extremely real, as if I were living it and breathing it.
I placed my hand on her head and then the bright light pulsed and consumed everything. My body felt like it was on fire. Like I was being drained of everything but at the same time there was a gentle warmth that soothed it. This all happened in an instant and then I felt like I was being thrown back into my own body. The shock of the impact felt like it woke me up as I opened my eyes with a jolt.
I would like to add a few details to see if this helps to clarify anything you might think this means. When I was younger my mother had a miscarriage that I always blamed on myself (because of the circumstances at that time). I always believed that I did not belong here and that the baby belonged in my place, that I had somehow stolen the life that was meant to be theirs. Also, since I was little I'd always try to tell myself that the baby was now one of God's angels and at peace.
I have not experienced anything recently that could have influenced me to have this dream and not in such vivid, twisted detail. My dreams have never consisted of this type of thing before (I remember most dreams I have and can usually identify what influenced them). I have not even thought of the baby recently enough to explain why I dreamt this.
I don't know what to make of this. Did something actually happen or is there something wrong with me? To be honest I'm thinking its more of the latter. Although I would really appreciate it if anyone would respond because it's messing with my mind a bit.