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I've Never Felt Human So What Could I Be

 

Let me begin by saying, I am not a gifted clairvoyant. My entire family seems to be very in tune with their spiritual self but that gift seemed to miss me. I can sometimes guess the outcomes of certain situations and can recite a conversation before it happens every now and again but it is a very rare occasion. Again, I may not be a gifted clairvoyant, but I may be crazy. Please don't take this submission as the raving of a 16 year old that saw a movie about spirits and monsters and now believes that she may not be human. This has been going on for around four years and is only getting worse. It's a very embarrassing topic to speak about because it's so far fetched. I feel dumb anytime I try to even talk about it.

This thing started in seventh grade when I was going through a lot of changes. I thought this weird feeling could be summed up to me becoming a young woman and tried to think nothing of it. (This is where the embarrassment starts.) There was this pain in my chest that was like a surge of electricity that dissipated into waves throughout my torso. It hurt a little and was really uncomfortable but felt good for some reason. It filled me with energy but also made me weak at the same time, which is an odd thing to go through. This is seventh grade so it wasn't as strong as it is now but it could stop me in my tracks every week or so. The thing that was worrying about it was what caused it. I would only get the feeling whenever I saw or was anywhere around blood. The very thought of it could bring it up and movies about vampires were sometimes too tough to sit through. I know how dumb this sounds. I'm beating myself up for even proposing something like this, but by this point I've run out of options.

A few years have passed and it's gotten much worse. The feeling can get so strong that my body contorts in backbreaking ways. It's like I don't have any control over myself and I become almost animalistic. Sometimes I even notice a low growl and am surprised to realize it's coming from me and not an animal. While I'm on the subject of animals, dogs really don't like me. It's like they're scared to see me come up to them. Here are a couple examples of what happens when I approach a dog. Keep in mind I'm normally very wary of big dogs and avoid them at all costs. (was attacked as a kid, I panic if one runs in my direction) Sometime in the past couple of years however this strange trend began. If a dog, no matter what size, was being threatening towards me, the feeling would come back slightly and I'd get this overwhelming feeling of power. All I have to do is look at the dog and it begins to back up and whimper like it had been hurt. It has left my mom and friends dumbfounded on multiple occasions. Once my friend warned me that his dog didn't like new guests and would often try to bite or attack when meeting them. His dog was on the couch, propping himself up on the back and I did the same thing to it. It got so scared that it jumped and fell off of the couch. It scrambled to get to its feet before running to a different room.

Now that I'm older the feeling is much stronger but doesn't happen as often. I can get through a vampire movie or be around blood without much issue but it still happens. If someone is hurt or bleeding next to me and I think about it, I'll start to feel it gradually build up inside of me. I can hear this voice within me going "You know you want to do it. Just take it." And everything starts to get blurry. My head begins to feel light and I may even press my lips onto them (shoulder or crook of neck) while hugging them. I'm very affectionate so people don't get confused if my lips are randomly on them. My heart starts pounding in my chest and I have to force myself back into reality before something bad happens.

The feeling in my chest is like this strength or power that I can't control. It gets very strong on the nights leading up to the full moon. On these nights I can't focus on anything and am left breathing heavily and writhing in my bed. I sometimes claw or bite into myself to regain my composure but it never works. The growling sounds that I sometimes make turn more into roars and I begin to feel unbearably confined in my body. It's like there's a part of me that's trapped and is trying its absolute hardest to rip itself from my skin. Sometimes when this is happening, I manage to convince myself that my eyes changed colors for a brief moment (even though there's no way that's happened.) It's nothing drastic like blue to red though. I have very dark brown eyes naturally but when this happens they look more like a dull gold. Much brighter than my normal color that almost looks black.

People have tried to suggest to me before that this may be the handy work of a demon or some like force but I know for a fact it is not. I really need advice on this because I honestly feel insane. I've been looking for help and have considered everything. Please understand that this is a very difficulty situation that is affecting my school life and myself greatly. I'm about to graduate and go to college soon so I have to find the answers I need quickly if I have any hopes of being successful. Thank you for any information or personal experiences you can share with me.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, The-Lioness, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Asteria (guest)
 
4 years ago (2015-06-30)
UPDATE:
Well things haven't gotten much better and I've been seeming very angry lately. More than the normal amount of teen rage it's getting to the point where I feel uncontrollable. And it's not just the anger side of it. It's also very *cough cough* sexual in nature. I won't go into detail but it's getting bad.
Drakoreo (2 stories) (37 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-05-15)
[at] Asteria:
Oh! I just recently started learning more in-depth about shape-shifting & taking on animal forms/behaviours. It is actually very human, and something we all are capable of as relatives to animals. I am learning this as I'm reading about shamanism and interacting with nature.

If you want to prevent your abilities, yes wear silver jewlery, also, carry a symbol of a silver bullet, you could even draw one on paper.

Perhaps consider carrying a picture or symbol of an animal you deem "stronger" with more characteristics you deem "desireable" than wolf, and try invoking that instead. Like a quick cute bunny who can outrun a wolf, or more powerful, like mother bear who is strong but loving.

It is actually quite normal to "feel" the behaviours of animals (hungry at sent of blood for example) when you are "shifting" into them. Or "tuning" into that energy/instincts. Humans and animals are closely related, so it is no surprise we can "tap" into their instints & abilities
Asteria (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-05-15)
Update:
A lot of people have been suggesting things like therians, shape shifters, and even vampires but I don't meet the description very well. I'm not aware of any other "non-human" races so if anyone can suggest something please let me know.
Hecate0 (152 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-30)
Hi Fromspace, I think they can detect "highly probable" choices you might make and show them to you. Even though I also pick up some things that will happen in the future, I have avoided car accidents and such after having been given the information. So, you are not bound to play out the scene, I think. Just my perspective. I think you could even ask them to show you one that you can change. Practice it.
fromspace (1 stories) (24 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-30)
I once tried visited a psychologist to determine if I was normal, unfortunately:
* I got short summary (without right order) of what he will say to me from the morning of same day.
* So I was grinning the whole session.
* Same day I "stumbled upon" on film version of our meeting, which I can title "puppet show".
(each time after such evens I have doubts about mine "freedom of choice")
Hecate0 (152 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-30)
Asteria, as I mentioned but misspelled before, I first suggested a trained psychologist, someone trained in guided imagery or hypnosis. I am more inclined to recommend a Wiccan High Priestess or High Priest, someone familiar with animal spirits. You need a highly powerful person to detect the energies around you, but also someone who has experience in containing them. I would be able to feel your energy as I am an energy healer. I can manipulate energy, up to a point. I know you need someone more powerful than me. Is there a coven near you?
Asteria (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-30)
A lot of people have been suggesting trying to control this side of me which is a lot easier said than done. Does anyone have any tips on how to control or calm this down?
Also, someone mentioned wearing silver. I have a silver bracelet that I haven't taken off for years. If it's supposed to help suppress this, then I don't even want to know what happens if I take it off for a day.
Demey (1 stories) (5 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-29)
Dear Asteria,

It is VERY unwise to become a vampire or the like (psychic vampires). Let me tell you why.
I would like to begin by saying that I do not doubt your sanity. There are still many things in this world that is beyond human comprehension and understanding. It is alright to feel confused. But rest assured, you're not insane. You might be gifted and possesses psychic abilities that are similar to dark entities, and your powers might make you feel powerful.

But, if you choose to follow this nature of your power, you are no longer walking a path that leads to the accumulation of good karma (due to the nature of your psychic gifts).

Dark entities who harm living beings intentionally or unintentionally will only degenerate and turn (or reincarnate) into lesser creatures at the end of their lifespan and they only know suffering. It is a vicious cycle.

All (or most) of us here possesses abilities or sensitivity towards psychic energies, but even so, we are using our gifts and knowledge to help others who are lost. That, I believe, is the purpose of this site and the intention of ALL of us who replies to you.

It is a gift to born human, and all of us who are aware strive to evolve. You don't want to degenerate into lesser beings such as dark entities (no matter how powerful they are) by doing the same thing like they do.

If you feel that these urges might corrupt and change you into something that you do not desire, then it is best if you learn to control it.
Nightingale (145 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-28)
Wearing jewelry with a sapphire stone and possibly silver may help.
Drakoreo (2 stories) (37 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-27)
[at] Asteria
-Asuming what you are saying is true, and you have been psychologically examined, I will offer you a different perspective because I think examining all the possibilities is important.

I have met people claiming to be "vampires" who drink blood. I do not agree with this behaviour, but I accept for some people this is simply how they live and what they believe, so I am respectful of their point of view. However, you are expiriencing a few differences, most "Vampires" do not have. Vampires have no other physical effects besides the craving/dependency on drinking blood, which some, are so accustomed they would die if they stopped because their body become addicted/dependant. I do not think this is you, and I do not think you want to become that.

I also have some friends who claim to be "other kin" who tell me they are animal spirits inside human bodies. I also have met and have friends who know people who claim to be "shape-shifters" with the ability to transform into animals. I do not know for certain if any of this is factual, but I trust there is some truth behind my friends expiriences, they are undoubtedly credible and sane.

I think any talk of "non-human" races on Earth is an uncomfortable subject, especially the darker side involving vampires. However, I do think it's in the realm of possibility these people are going through something very real.

I personally think if any of this is possible, perhaps you are a wolf-spirit in human form, and blood riles you up for that reason. It would also explain all the other animalistic behaviours, and maybe you are capable of shape-shifting, which is why you had expireced change in eye color, which my shape-shifting friend also claims to expirience.

But I suggest you practice self-control and don't kiss/lick blood from people for sanitary reasons, and so you don't develop any "cravings" or bad habits, I highly doubt vampireism is a lifestyle you really want for yoursel

I suggest now you do some of your own research on "other kin" and "shapeshifters" and "wolf-spirit in human body"

These "races/species" aren't very publically accepted which is why I think it is so secretive, however I am open-minded enough to consider it could be more than fantasy and there may even be many other kinds of life forms among us.
InjuredAngelHeero (4 stories) (87 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-26)
Sorry, I had updated my profile and I guess it didn't save, I'll have that fixed.
Asteria (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-25)
InjuredAngelHeero I can't find your email on your profile but to answer your question, medical and mental problems have been ruled out. The screening I underwent checked my health as well (Make sure there were no illnesses or anything like it that could effect me mentally.) Don't know if that helps you at all but I thought it was needed information.
InjuredAngelHeero (4 stories) (87 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-24)
This worrys me, I don't often say it but maybe some psychological and medical tests need to be done; if this has been done and you still go through this and still feel the same than message me as I have a suggestion but feel unconfortable about giving it out until more serious issues are ruled out.
Ayumi_H (3 stories) (27 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-24)
Well, I'm not exactly sure what it could be but if you've already conducted the mental health tests and cleared them, it may be something else? If you want, I could maybe help you do some kind of research into it? Just because I know how hard it is to try and find the answers on your own. If you feel up to it, my email is in my profile and we can try to brain storm it together.:)
Hecate0 (152 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-24)
Asteria,

How about a highly trained psychology who does hypnosis or deep guided meditation. Trying it yourself might bring up things you do not want to handle all by yourself. There are psychologists who are also spiritual, although it is not always easy to find them. In Arizona, where I live, there is a production company called Mishka that produces events hosting authors and people interested in alternative ideas. I found a therapist for my son there who is also a medium. Your situation is uncommon and could have many explanations. Keep us posted. Many of us here are here for chatting. Know that you have others who will listen. Best to you!
Asteria (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-24)
I have seen a psychiatrist because a possible mental health issue was my primary concern. I even underwent a screening that He suggested that was conducted at a local hospital. I'm pretty much in the clear which led me here. I also have a hard time trying to believe in things like werewolves but again, I'm running out of places to look. The rest of my family don't seem to have the same effect on dogs, they just don't like them.
Ayumi_H (3 stories) (27 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-23)
Has there ever been someone in your family that has had the same kind of affect on the dogs like that? Maybe there is someone in your household or distant family that is going through something similar. If you don't want to ask out right, you can always try to observe them. If it is something that runs in the family, someone, somewhere could be handling it better and could help you. Maybe if you feel like you need someone to talk to I'm always willing to help. I may not know about what your going through but at least you'd have someone to talk too:)
Nightingale (145 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-22)
Hello Asteria,
I cannot tell you what this is, only that with time it may improve.
And I see that you deny it, but you do have some clarivoyant abilities.
Try to control it when it comes. Daily meditation may help.
Best of luck,
Nightingale
Chey1028 (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-22)
All I could think of while reading this was psychic vampire which could be he case, take a look into it
Mystic-intellectual-SS (3 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-04-22)
Personally I don't think this is the right place to post this really. And me being more of a spiritualist but also look into the rational here are my answers:
1. Have you looked into the subconscious signals you may be giving off when you meet these dogs, first with a lot of fear, and the next with a sense of power to fight back (or dominance if you will). Also, truly you should look into the possibility of seeing a psychologist for mental illness. I can't seem to believe in werewolves with everything else, but those I can. So try those first at least, okay?

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