I know this is a bit long but I would really appreciate people who could take a few minutes to read it and offer advice. I have tried to stay away from these websites since I was sixteen but realize I might need to go asking about what's happening. I was an atheist raised in a Jewish family up until I got sent off to a boarding school and there I became friends with the local satanist at the school.
After realizing there'd been someone playing in my room with a Ouija board earlier that year, I told my religious suite mates about it and started scratching the door at night and playing pranks on everyone. Eventually everyone thought I was into the occult because of my pranks and before I could realize what was happening, all the boys at the school were asking me to communicate to spirits for them and craft them Ouija boards amongst other stuff. At the time, I had no belief in it but after getting all the information I could from my satanist friend, I started running a cult at my school.
At first it started off with candles and Ouija boards, simple stuff, and then gradually drifted into the territory of blood pacts, selling souls, and birds attacking me and my friends when we were walking to and from class. I, for whatever reason at the time, bonded with an entity through the use of a blood pact and he claims to have been born with me a very long time ago (he made it sound indeterminate) but that seems pretty crazy to me.
Anyways, he always knows what's going to happen and it's actually really impressive accuracy. I don't want to spell out his name here for reasons best left unknown but me and him and another spirit are all brothers supposedly. I sold my soul to the devil through a ritual that felt really overpowering and the terms were predetermined seemingly during my first year at boarding school. I eventually left the paper with that blood pact on it in an airport terminal's trash bin, because my parents would've killed me if they saw it (Jewish culture is very adverse to most types of mysticism) and I needed to lose a ton of weight in my carry-on bag.
Eventually the school started cracking down on the cult because people couldn't walk in the dormitory bathrooms alone at night after a while, shadows were opening doors, showers got very creepy, they saw figures and lastly mirrors were incredibly scary to look into. The "cult" gradually dwindled thanks to all the punishments and restrictions the school was putting on us and I was left with this one shadow figure following me, until I used my Wiccan friend's spirit crystal and then he bonded to her.
Meanwhile, I'm still constantly talking with my friendly "head demon" and another friendly spirit who just gives awesome tips and moments of clarity. The friendly spirit came after I made made that deal with the devil and seems to always try to improve my character. Anyways, I often get offered deals by them, where if I do something, I get a pretty amazing reward that is in no way connected to what I did. It's very often a wish-fulfillment type of reward. For example, I happened to mention one night I would quit doing finance in life if I made a certain very large sum of money and two weeks later my grandfather sold his firm for that exact amount. Things like that happen a lot now, where my wants happen to materialize in a few weeks.
So I'm not sure if this is a spiritual thing or what but a girl I had dated just a year ago had a mystic background too (I've always known very little about eastern mysticism and she grew up in Asia) but I got over her last year. I've gotten with plenty of girls and guys in the meantime and have been dating since, so it's just weird that she keeps popping up in my head now that I'm traveling for the last few weeks and I haven't talked to her in 5 months since she tried to avoid paying me back for pricey alcohol I bought for her.
I was just carrying out a deal I made with that friendly spirit when all the sudden I get a counter offer in my head from a voice that strangely enough identified as her or a relative (at the beginning it was an older dead woman talking on her behalf it seemed and then after the deal finished, it was her thanking me), it sounded like her, and the deal benefitted her as well I guess. I went through with it against the advice of the "head demon" voice but the friendly spirit was encouraging. I get done with it and the new voice, sounding like the girl I had dated now, says thanks and left me with a phrase I can't quite remember but the meaning it left on me was that I was indebted to her now and it'd be fulfilled in a couple of years.
I feel a bit powerless, because I have an idea of what I agreed to and my demon voice in my head warned me she'd be bad. Personally, I normally completely believe in the voices because my life really is shaped by what they predict and the outlandish things they give me that would never conceivably come to me on my own are readily apparent. That being said, I'm not sure what to think of this. I've never had to make a pact with another living person and to be quite frank, I'm kind of questioning what's happening, like if my judgment is being clouded by long gone feelings or what.
My Wiccan friends from my last high school I went to mentioned spells where they could watch people and while I never got into that because by that point I was done with all that mystical stuff (besides the voices, those guys rock) I generally can feel if someone's watching me and who it is. I know two of my old friends from high school did it one night and I confirmed with them they did it.
Anyways, these last two weeks when she's been popping into my head, I felt her watching me at certain points.
I have a feeling why and it's because at the moment I'm traveling the world for a gap year midway through college and living "lavishly" by everyone's standards. Last year she was all lovey dovey for me partly because of the money I have and now that she's joined my friend group at school (last thing I wanted by the way) she knows what I'm up to.
I'm not sure if this is me being paranoid or what, but the voices that have always been right strangely had different opinions of that deal I completed today, friendly spirit saying it was a good choice and demon voice saying it was very bad. What do you think of this? Is this just me being paranoid or maybe being mislead by an entity or is it possible that girl has something to do with this? I literally am clueless because I haven't done any rituals in years and don't know much about mysticism beyond crude boarding school satanism and some Brazilian techniques my Satanist friend from boarding school taught me. My satanist friend is actually scared of me since I did my pacts and deals a few years back but apart from that, I'd say I'm back to being uneducated in this stuff.