i was thinking about this a lot lately, and am wondering if some of you are experiencing this, see any possible connection or if its just in my head and we all are experiencing this.
So before I go into recent events, I will start about what I feel and how and what happens. It always starts as slowly building anxiety, but not in when you almost panic, but the urge and being really on edge and having this dark cloud above you, slipping into being very sad and kind of cold. I don't get spine shivers or anything, just this inner feeling like something bad is about to happen.
First memory of that, of what I can recall is a nightmare, but nothing was hunting me or something, I was about 6-7 and I woke up with pitched yelling - as my granny described, and they thought I just had a bad dream, but it was included with trains, roads and them going different directions, but nothing scary or anything. When I woke up in the morning, sad news was around our neighborhood, our crazy neighbor who was bullied by older kids jumped under the train. I didn't pay attention to it, because yes, I was young and I wasn't really making any connections.
Other memory I have happened two years later, I was at my granny as usually, because my mom worked late nights. Around 2am, I woke up and a doorbell started to ring, I was waking my granny, my uncle and in total it could have ringed for at least five minutes. The uncle went to check the doors (we were super secured even it was 90') and was pretty okay to go down with a baseball bat down there to see, if someone drunk isn't just sleeping on the door ring. But no one was. My granny lived in pretty calm and safe neighbor, so we didn't pay attention, but I had this weird, sad and anxious feeling inside like something bad is about to happen. When we woke up, my granny received a brief call that someone she knew died.
This happened multiple times, me being in a room and a picture falling from the wall, me being anxious and someone dying at that time it all happened.
I never really got the connection among those situation, I thought it was pretty normal. But it got to the worst moment, when my friend died - jumping as well under the train and I had the same dream, I could even paint you how it felt, because sometimes it crosses my dreams and I remember a lot of my dreams.
One particular day was probably the most strong for me, with my "intuition" or whatever this is. I was supposed to meet my grandmother, but I was pretty sick and wanted to just go home. Normally Id call her from home, but I had this urge, even though I didn't almost have money on my phone, I had this anxious feeling of me having to hear her speak and apologize for not coming. And she sounded pretty okay, everything seemed fine, she told me she will go to take a bath and watch some TV shows, and I said ill see her tomorrow with my new tattoo. When I came home, I had this weird feeling, but didn't pay attention. I didn't dream, weirdly the night was blank and the next day I went to see my granny, and she didn\'t open, she passed away few minutes after the phone call, and I was sitting there probably for about three hours if she's going to come back from a visit, but then my phone ran out of battery and I needed to call her instantly, I was really anxious, nearly panicking, feeling cold.
We found out later that day, when we went back, the lights when on, but it didn't feel anything like there was someone here alive.
From that day, I don't think I had necessary feeling towards someone dying, but, I weirdly sense something happening to mass of people close to home, which oddly I take a lot of countries in Europe as my home, for a lot of reasons (being there and feeling welcomed, home). First thing that was like the wake up call was, when I woke up anxious during the Brussel attack, a minute before it happened. I remember panicking, because I didn't know what was it, why do I feel this way, I blocked this feeling towards something happening, due the stress and sadness losing my beloved. After few minutes, it was all over, many people injured, dead, bombs in city center. And I was sitting the whole morning in front of BBC and looking at it with misbelief, even where nothing was new.
Next time I remember being anxious and cold and having this feeling of something bad, was when in Nice the terrorists ran over many people and killed them, I was on that place before and at the time it happened, I got almost pale and couldn't catch my breathe, later that night I found out what happened and felt really weird, as if its connected.
Not to go trough everything, but also another super weird waking up, with blank night without dreams was during the Manchester attack. I woke up in a middle of night and went straight to BBC to see what happened, anxious, cold. Same with the London Attack. I was awake and anxious going trough Tv until I saw it on BBC.
I even talked about this to my friend, when this known feeling overpowered me and I had this weird feeling, and in UK, the Grenfell Tower was on fire. It wasn't anywhere online in my country yet, only my tv. And I just had this sadness overpowering me.
I know there is so many other bad things happening and if it would be anyhow connected, I would never stop being anxious, but as I said, this just feels home. I have friends near these locations or I was actually present there at some point.