I've never totally understood it, but I've been "sensitive" (psychic) since I was a little girl. Mainly this has involved sensing/seeing spirits and having dreams/visions of future events. I've seen some wonderful things, but I've also seen some disturbing, bad things. It was mainly because of this, and also a desire to be "normal", that I basically turned these abilities "off" from my late teens well into my twenties. After the birth of my twin boys, I became very sensitive again (I don't know why this triggered anything, but it did). I became even more sensitive than before; I often sensed presences. A couple of days after the death of my husband's grandmother, I was making dinner when I sensed her presence. It wasn't frightening; I just suddenly knew she was there. When I thought that perhaps I was imagining things, a glass on the table tipped over; it wasn't frightening, I think it was just her way of saying hi, I am here. I also started having numerous visions, some benign, some disturbing.
I've had conflicting feelings about this, but one night I decided to go into deep meditation and "let myself go" to see what would happen. I went into meditation, and I became very aware; I sensed the presence of my friend, Joe, who passed away several years ago. I've often sensed his presence, but this time, I actually heard him. I heard this sort of buzzing noise at first and then I literally heard him say "hi." It was a wonderful, yet frightening feeling. I became even more "aware", heard something in the room start rattling, and started to sense the presence of something else. I mentally told Joe that I was glad to see him but that it was too much for me, and came out of the meditation.
A couple of nights ago, I decided to go into deep meditation again. I don't know what this is or what you call it, but I've had a few experiences where I've gone so deeply into meditation that I feel like I'm traveling. It's almost unexplainable, but it's an incredibly blissful experience; it's like a communication with God. Anyways, the last time I meditated, I started by surrounding myself with a white, protective light, and concentrated on feeling the peace of God. I knew I was on the verge of having one of these experiences again; the outside world is blocked out and you get this light/tingling sensation. It felt wonderful, but all of a sudden I had a vision of these shadow figures coming towards me. I became intensely afraid and came out of the meditation. Even when I came out of the meditation, at first I couldn't shake this kind of despairing fear - I don't know how to explain it, but it's like a kind of fear you feel you can't escape from. I was very cold and nauseous and couldn't stop shivering. I prayed to God to help me; within half an hour, I was still afraid but felt like I had a grip again.
I'm hoping that someone else out there can help me to understand this. What were these figures and why did they affect me like that? I felt like I was attacked. What really bothers me is that I went into this meditation concentrating on God and the protective shield of the white light of the Holy Spirit (I grew up Catholic, so this is what I visualize), and I still had this horrific experience. Ever since then, I've still felt a sinister presence nearby at times, but I've tried to shut things out because that experience really terrified me. Is there a way to protect myself (and my family, I don't want to think about things like that around my children) during meditation, or should I stop meditating and try to turn off my sensitivities again? Are these dark beings demons or something else, and why did they come after me? For some time, I haven't believed in Hell, but now I'm starting to wonder if there really is a Hell after all. Does anyone have any suggestions to ensure that these dark beings stay away? It would also be nice to hear from anybody else who's had a similar experience so that I know I'm not losing my mind.