When I was a little girl I knew from the beginning I was different. I was named after my dead grandmother, but I didn't need my parents to tell me that. I already knew. Knew meaning NOT as in my grandmother came to tell me; I knew because I helped decide what my name would be. I remember influencing that process before I came here to this current realm.
I've always know. Not wondered, not pondered, not questioned, but known that there is a lot more to this life than what we see. I have always lived in this in between existence. I have kept very close contact with my friends and family from beyond. Actually it is weird to call them my friends and family. It's so much more. It is a feeling I can never put into words; this feeling I have for everyone before me. My ties and my love is still as it was before I left. Truly in this world all we really need to survive is LOVE. We need to feel it, give it, receive it, share it, make it, own it, and most of all spread it all over everything we know. Everything.
When I am around babies, animals, small children, and very old individuals, I am completely overwhelmed with knowing. I know love in its purest form. I can feel exactly what is in the spirit of the person or animal. I see their thoughts. I feel the love that generates throughout their presence.
My most active time with the other realms are when I sleep. I never truly honestly sleep. I work when my eyes are closed. I go to a completely different place in time and space. Actually there is no time or space there. Just feelings. Stuff that wasn't handled here in this realm. Mostly regret. Lots of help is needed, or that is what "they" think. "They" can live over and over in the same moment for a very long time.
If you can imagine what it is like for "them" I can tell you. Imagine that today right now in this very moment you die. Only you are left running around as if you are not dead. If it was a tragic passing, you could relive the events over and over and never realize what you are doing. Imagine that you do figure out that you are not at all close to what you were before. You want to scream. You want to hug your husband, your son, daughter, mom, dad, wife, aunt, uncle, grandparents, best friend, or you just want to go back to work and get on with your day-to-day routine. But something will not let you. You simply can't. Who do you talk to? Where do you go? You need help. We don't get telephones over there. We don't have internet access. We can't drive.
But what we can do is feel. We can feel just like we did when we were here. And we still do. We get frustrated, we get lonely, we feel lost. We need to know it is all ok. More than ever we need that. Let your family and the people in your life right now today know exactly how much they mean to you. Don't let a moment pass you by. Don't ever feel foolish for saying or expressing your feelings too often. Never ever be ashamed. Because when your time does come, and you do move on to the next realm, you do NOT need feelings of insecurities, loss, and wonderment to keep you from moving through and doing what you need to do. There is nothing worse than showing up for a long awaited Christmas celebration with ALL of your family and friends and their family and friends... Only to get there and see that this gathering of LOVE as been going on and on over and over day after day and you had no idea because you were never in touch with your REAL TRUE FEELINGS.
That reminds me of an experience I had last year. My gift seems to get very strong around bodies of water and in times of tragedy. It was only a few days after hurricane Ike. A close friend of mine (we can call her (P)) and myself were meeting another friend, who we will call (L) to exchange food items. While we were at the home of (L) 's parents, I met her grandmother. Instantly I was aware of her and her feelings. It felt as if when I hugged her I plugged into her energy in a massive way. Like I knew her.
On the drive to meet with (L) I told myself that on that day I would allow others to use me to make contact. I had never ever said this to myself before. EVER. When I did this, I was in a very controlled submissive state of mind. Something about hurricane Ike touched me in a way I cannot explain. We had to cross a body of water to get to our destination. While doing so, I was able to feel a story unfold. My spirit was over stimulated with activity. My minds 3rd eye was all over the place. I saw soldiers from the battle of the San Jacinto camped along the rivers edge. They had no clue we just went through a hurricane days earlier. I saw and felt the heartfelt words that lovers were exchanging with one another through their letters. Over and over these words played out in the memory of these men. How these words kept them alive. I felt the hunger of days without eating. I could smell the odor of stale dirty feet. I could feel the relief of a cold soak in the river. Soap was a much desired luxury. But the gratitude to be close to water that I felt from those men and women and some children... Was completely there. That was a feeling I felt immediately upon meditating.
Later, when we got to (L) 's parent's home, I was reeling from my feelings. When I met Granny, I was lifted to a new feeling. Energy. Lots of energy for an 80 something year old woman. After the exchange of stories and experiences due to Ike, we gathered on the back patio to watch the sun set and feel the cool autumn air. As twilight descended upon our little group, I kept getting a different channel in my mind.
I was feeling very cocky. I kept seeing this young man in my mind. It was like a picture flashing over and over each scene explaining a message. All this taking place right behind the chair Granny was sitting in. I could not believe when I did this, but I blurted out to Granny that someone was here to talk to her. I asked her who did she know that was dead and could possibly have business with her? She became very combative and told me she did NOT want to talk about it.
That is when I backed off. I told this young man to uhh kind of get lost. This is not the time. I was completely embarrassed and very unsure of myself. I was hurt that here I was opening myself up to help and I was being rejected. Well this young man would have no part of her denial or refusal to speak with him. Even after I was battling in my mind with him, saying over and over, "No, go away" and "I can't help you." He kept flashing his will in my mind. He would not leave me be. Two more times I asked her who she knew that was dead. Two more times she scolded me with her denial and refusal to acknowledge the question. At this time (P) is looking at me like I am crazy and (L) looks like she is about to kick me.
This is when I blurted out... "He is young and tan and strong and beautiful. He died very young. He is cocky and very confident in himself. His name is like a girls name and starts with a J. He watches over you and he says that you think of him everyday before you rise from bed, and every night before you retire to the bed. He tells me to tell you that he sees you go to your end table in the living room to retrieve the little metal trinket he gave you so many years ago. He said sometimes you keep it on a mantle type shelf in the living room as well. He sees you walk with it everyday. You touch it, you hold it, you rub it, you love it and you care for it just like it was him." WOW! I thought I was crazy. What in the hell was I doing. I never ever did that before.
She started to cry. She said it was her "Jodie". (L) 's mom (K) asked her mom what was this trinket. Granny explained to her that Jodie had gone to a five and dime store with his daddy when he was about 5 or 6. He told his dad that he found the perfect gift for his mom. It was a metal razor blade replacement. It had a leather cover and it was only about the size of a match box. (K) asked why had she never seen it before and Granny said that it was a strange little gift to give a mom for Mother's Day so she never really displayed it. Also (K) was about 13-14 years older than Jodie. Granny said after Jodie died she kept it with her always. It became a special reminder of his cute little ways. She never missed a day or night since he died on his 18th birthday in 1975. He went on to have me share a few more messages for Granny and (K). Then he was gone.
This, among other events in my life, are the reason I feel as if I am special. I know everyone can do what I do. But I still do not know how to control my "specialness". Any ideas or experiences that you are willing to share I would love to hear. I need to learn how to channel my energy and do good work with it.