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The Moment My Wife Died... What Happened?


I'm not sure where to begin so I'll just say that today is December 14, 2009. My wife of 25 years, died 3:30 am November 22, 2009. She was pronounced dead 10 hours later, officially.

She was my high school sweetheart and we have two sons. Having no prior medical problems and never having smoked, it was quite a blow to learn that she had stage IV lung cancer 8 months ago. This was her 7th hospital admission since the whole nightmare began and it was her last.

I stayed with her day and night the last four days of her life and took care of her as the nurses began the Morphine and Ativan IV's. She slipped into a coma on Saturday, I believe, and the last act she made that acknowledged my existence was when she pursed her lips so I could put lip balm on her chapped lips.

All through Sunday, her condition worsened and she was on maximum oxygen and only breathing a few times per minute. Sunday night, I asked all the family members to leave so I could be alone with her, sensing that she would not want anyone to be with her, other than myself when she passed. The nurses said they would come in quietly only every few hours so as to not disturb us.

I set up a cot, that was brought for me to sleep on, next to her hospital bed and I put a blanket on the both of us. It was very similar to how we slept at home. I slept on my side with my head on her shoulder and held her hand with both of mine. I woke often to check her breathing and had a very strange feeling come over me in the middle of the night.

I looked at the clock, it was 3:30 am and I felt something hard to describe but I'll try. It was as if I were electrocuted or being vibrated for lack of a better word. It was the most intense tingly or "goosebumps" I have ever felt. It started in my spine in my shoulder area and spread to the rest of my body in waves, down to my feet, up to my head and out through my hands. This went on for a couple of minutes and at one point I could not feel myself laying there anymore. It was as I were being supported underneath, by thousands of "fingers". After the paralyzing waves of energy subsided, the room felt different. It felt colder and empty. I questioned to myself "Is this what the hand of God feels like?". I was fearful but not to the point of trying to stop it. I just tried to relax, which was very hard.

She continued to breathe slower and slower as the hours passed after that and at 1:15 pm, she took her last breath. I felt her heartbeat slowly fade away and her body was gone. I have told this story to a few people and nobody can tell me what happened? Has anyone experienced anything similar? What in the world was going on? Thanks in advance.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Paincourt, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

richard-l79 (1 posts)
10 years ago (2014-03-19)
I had a very similar experience. My fiance died in Japan 2.2.14. I had moved from London UK to be with her the final months. She died 4 months from diagnosis. She had stage 4B small cell cervical cancer which had spread to her lungs and other organs. She went out the usual way, hadn't eaten for days, eyes and mouth wide open staring at the ceiling. Completely unresponsive.

I was there the moment she died at 8.20pm. I was expecting to see some kind of spiritual experience, and actually I was expecting a miraculous recovery because I had read of some people 'asking' god to come back. But of course nothing happened. There was a sense of calm, especially after the oxygen machine was switched off. I suppose everyone's stress levels had gone down as well so that may explain things.

When I got home that night I was lying in bed and reflecting upon what had happened. Still this sense of calm persisted and at the time I didn't feel particularly upset. I was completely awake and even though I was under the bed covers I could feel a strange sensation. It was almost like a cold chill or an electrostatic effect. But when I looked at my arms the hairs were not standing on end. There were no windows open and no breeze. As I was in the loft it was quite warm so it was definitely not a cold chill.

Very subtle sensations but it felt like my body was being touched, by more than one hand/thing as it would affect my legs then my face and some other body part. Then, as I was beginning to relax I felt overcome by what can only be described as love. It gripped me, as if someone had given me a big hug. It was an intense experience. Then all the sensations disappeared. I have felt nothing since. I wish I could feel it again.

All the time I believe I was completely normal and trying not to 'imagine' anything. Although I was upset I was actually quite curious to see what the after effect would be of someone I deeply loved dying. A month later I spoke to a spiritual medium and although she got a couple of things right (good guesses) she got some things wrong and that, for me, confirmed that I cannot communicate with her in any way.

Again, all throughout I believe I was completely sane. I had slept OK and was not hallucinating, even though I know she was as she was on huge doses of morphine!

So Paincourt, I can understand what you went through as it happened to me. Has anything happened since? There are so many reports of people seeing ghosts in the USA, but never anywhere else in the world!
Newblood (1 stories) (202 posts)
13 years ago (2010-11-24)
My email is whiterynory [at] Please right back I would like to help you out.
Newblood (1 stories) (202 posts)
13 years ago (2010-11-24)
to Paincourt

I maybe way younger then you at age of 19 but I so feel for you I helpd my girlfriend better her self in life but then feel week to some of her way but I was able to pull my self out what if I told you I might be able to talk to your wife for you or have an angel deliver a message to me from her mouth if so please let me know. To lose love it can hurt but it can help you gain respect for death for you should not fear death but take advantage of it as a life leason I almost lost my own life a few time some do to bad thing and some due to my own stuipied action of have grown sence then. And heres a prayer for you one I just had my girlfriend use earlyer and some one even said talked back Marcus. I pray to you my holy father and Marcus to help me heal my love muscle. And after my girlfriend said it she herd a reply from here kitchen when she was eating cherry pie that wipe cream can help make the heart feel good and that was from marcus he is among the earth tonight and he will hear you. An for the people with sick mind love muscle is the heart.
Ursala (48 posts)
13 years ago (2010-11-24)
Okay Paincourt, time to get off the pity -wagon and deal with life. Don't like it? Too bad. Think I'm being tough? Get over it. You have a son who needs your help! Think I don't understand? I do, better than you. My own son passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. He was all of 25. No reason, no rhyme. That's just what life dealt us. Do I get mad? Of course. Do I feel cheated on his behalf? Heck, yeah! Can I change it? Sadly,... No. Is his legacy to cheat his brother and sister out of a happy and fulfilling life? NO WAY! My son and your wife too would never want that. Your pain is hard, but your child's is even harder. Time to face your own life's path and cuddle your son who is also hurting. Band together. Think of what his mom would have wanted. Together you will keep her memory alive. Thanksgiving is a perfect holiday to reflect and reconnect with those we have lost. I hope you understand that what I say comes purely from the heart. My best to you and your boy.
Paincourt (1 stories) (4 posts)
13 years ago (2010-11-22)
In a few hours, it will be exactly one year since my wife passed. Have things gotten better? Yes and no. I mean I personally have started to heal though there are many emotional scars. My oldest son revealed that he was using heroin, ugh. I really believe that God wants us to raise children with both a mom and dad. I know that my wife is still with me in spirit, I hear her in thoughts that I know I would never have myself. I so look forward to the day when I can join her even if its not the same as we were when we were married on earth.
Caveman0419 (5 stories) (16 posts)
14 years ago (2010-01-26)
you can not fill emptiness with alcohol, no matter how much you try it will only make the hole deeper I promise you. I have never been maried nor lost a partner but I have said to many goodbyes in my time to still be as young as I am, and the last 4 or 5 were all in the last 4 years. I understand death can hurt, like no pain that can ever be recreated from anything else. But that just brings you down. Spend time with your children and remember her in good times. Do what you know would make her smile and get yourself together to be ready to move on. Why would you be so upset? She is happy and free. No need to worry or hurt. Youll see her again, be happy for her and take care of her children she choose to have with you. Don't forget her, just don't let her memory hurt you. Shes all around you, learn how to watch and then pay attention, youll see her every where.
Paincourt (1 stories) (4 posts)
14 years ago (2010-01-24)
Gambler56, I thought I was done crying for a while but as soon as I started reading your story, the feelings came back just as strong as they were the moment my wife died. I still feel an emptiness in my soul that I try to fill with massive amounts of alcohol. I feel myself changing as a person and things that would not normally phase me, such as the Haiti earthquake, now have a profound impact on me. I can honestly say that now I welcome death. I am not afraid to die and pass on to the next stage of existence. I do feel your pain and I hope you can find some kind of peace in all of this. ~;~
Silentdreamer (1 posts)
14 years ago (2010-01-18)
I have studied energy and found many variances of it with many cultures of the planet. Some called Auras or energy fields. I found one that is called the Chi and is more compatible to my understandings.

A Chi (Chee) or Supreme Ultimate Force is what was felt. The Chi is always around us and moves in flow. The Chi can be used if mastered, but take a very high state of mind of skill to achieve - usually a life time. But this does not mean the Chi can not do other things. The Chi can make connections with one of its own.

You and your spouse had achieved a high level of Chi with each other, but low when compared to that of a master. Don't let this take you down as you may have something others will not have a chance to experience.

Your experience was that being so close to one person, the Chi fused as one between two.

A separation of your Chi with hers was most likely felt.
gambler56 (1 posts)
14 years ago (2010-01-17)
Like you my wife died on New Years Eve, Dec.31/09 at 6:25pm. My wife fought hard for a year with chemo/radiation, she had entered the hospital New Years Eve 08 with pneumonia and was found to have cancer, she was to young to go, I was with her at a hospice for 3 days and could see her slipping by, our son and daughter had just left when sitting with her I watched her take her last breath, it was if she was waiting for them to go, she fought the cancer in her brain hard to be clear and conscious on xmas day, but her functions became less, I just wish I could have talked with her more, I was proud how she passed the dates the doctor told she had, and did not see the end come so fast, I cry everyday, I told her to visit me when she could and she said she would, I am waiting and hope the is an afterlife where she is free of pain and sees her dad who she loved very much. I cannot say I felt what you felt at the time of her death, what I find strange she waited until our kids had left. I feel for you as we were childhood sweethearts too, and she has been the only woman in my life, we did everything together, even sports that I participated in she would always give it a go. I hope your pain goes and you find she is happy and pain free and she visits you as I hope my wife does too. Thankyou for your story, it has helped me somewhat including some of your ressponses. ❤ 😢 😭
Martyb4 (2 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-26)
I echo Caveman's thoughts. This was a very moving story and I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you and your family well.
Paincourt (1 stories) (4 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-26)
Thanks everyone for your posts. Before she went into a coma, she made me promise to take care of our boys and in return, she would try to figure out how to help me make good choices in the future. I asked her if she could become my spirit guide but to not do that if it means she has to stay away from the light. Above all, I wanted her to be free from pain. Now all I have to do is work on feeling less sorry for myself. ~;~
Triniti (1 stories) (69 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-23)
you may have felt her energy leave in a surge
As opposed to her just fading
Triniti (1 stories) (69 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-21)
just keep in mind that nobody ever really dies
Our bodies are vessels 4 energy
Energy can never die
It just changes
So your wife is still out there and 1 day you will see her again
revsilverson (guest)
14 years ago (2009-12-21)
i am very sorry for your loss. I know it is little comfort now to hear that we all live on after our bodies cease to function but we do. And for awhile our spirits can come back to the physical plane for a visit. Your wife may or may not return but you will be reunited with her in the spirit realm when the time is right.

I often experience the tingling sensation you describe. It is when the Divine Spirit touches me usually during moments of selfless behavior like holding your wife as her spirit departed or intense feelings of love for others. I describe it as my soul singing. The soul is the piece of perfection given to us at the time of our conception by the Divine Spirit and when the two come in contact during our lives the divine energy causes the soul energy to vibrate intensely causing the tingling sensation to flow through the body. It is a deeply moving experience which sometimes causes me to cry with humility from the beauty of it.

Love and light... Always
Caveman0419 (5 stories) (16 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-21)
i don't know what to say, other than I wish you well. This is the most intense story I've ever read on this site and I litterally cried. Take care of yourself and your family.
bennygone (13 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-20)
Nothing to worry about, just remember a promise you both made to each other. Is there anything coming constantly to your mind? Yes it is, pay attention. She is so proud of you, as you have no idea. There was a lot of dealing with her parting, it is like she did not wanted to leave you. What you felt was her way to connect with you in the future. The timing was just to reasure you it was ok to let her go. It was a very good time. Completely protected anad loved. Take care of the others, and she really means it. You know what was her main goal in life. Remember what she told you all over and over again. You will hear her laughing while showering and when you are alone. The time will teach you what direction to go and why. There are so many why's and what to do's. Nothing matters after all you have to make it for the good of all. You are one of the strongest man in the world. That sense of humor of you!
Pretending she is not there is not going to change the fact that she is.
The weaking up times will still continue. To you she will never be dead. She still feels alive to you, that's exactly how she wants it.
Be patient you will hear her soon.
Recommmendations as always for the family she will give. Trust your instincts she is definetly there. You know that right?
The special moments will give you strength.
Watching you all the time, specially while you work, it seems you can relax from the whole "bad event" while doing that.
What you felt at the moment she left her body is the key to feel her again.
What did you guys talked about a lot, like an emotional agrement you both made?
You guys were extremely connected at a spiritual level.
You will do just find she said, remember her smile. She loves yours. Even if it doesn't make sense now, it will later. Good luck. 😁
Edmund (578 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-20)
Paincourt... I'm sorry for your loss and I would hazard a guess that since you were so close both in spirit and physical location that you got a kind of spiritual over spray. Also the emotional state that you were in at the time helped to amplify the feeling... I guess I,m saying in a roundabout way that you got to experience in a physical way your wife releasing her spirit and going home... I hope you caught a sense of the love and peace.
mystical2 (16 stories) (483 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-20)
Oh I forgot. The vibrations you were experienceing sounds familiar to me. I have had that vibration, tingly feeling several times before. From what I was told, it is your chakra's tuning in. I get this feeling at times when I feel a ghost/spirit around me close by. I feel it in my spine area the most. It is a very strange feeling. It sounds like you were tuning into your wife's spirit. Although she was still breathing at the time, she can still travel. Actually, we all do this even though most do not even realize it or remember it.
mystical2 (16 stories) (483 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-20)
I am sorry to hear about your wife. You were not hallucinating. Our loved ones come and see us from time to time. Just remember she is not far from you. Heaven is not way up in the sky like some say. It is a lot closer than most realize. Our loved ones can come and go very easily and quickly. I get she is worried about you. Have you been doing okay? Our sadness can attract them back even more not allowing them at times to move forward. She wants you to be happy and move on with your life. She will always love you and won't forget.
I'm not sure what "won't forget" means. Hope I'm hearing correctly. I'm still learning on how to focus on what I'm getting so bare with me.
Paincourt (1 stories) (4 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-17)
I slightly felt that feeling last night at exactly 330am. This was the first time since her death and it only occurred for a second or two. It started at the base of my spine, like a quick jolt, just enough to awaken me. I hallucinated or had a vision of her kneeling next to our bed. I don't know why she would be kneeling but this vision faded away like smoke and it was very hard to get back to sleep.
trueckl (6 stories) (16 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-17)
I have never personally had the experience you are describing, but my best guess would be that your wife's spirit had already left her body prior to her body stopping. I am guessing with how close you were to each other spiritually, that your spirit was sensing hers leaving her body. It may have been her attempt to say goodbye and that she loves you.
Lasker2 (5 stories) (89 posts)
14 years ago (2009-12-16)
I sometimes attract spirits because of my abilities, and when this happens I can feel them - most notably when a spirit guide wants to communicate something to me.

The sensation is hard to describe, but I think you've got it down.

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