I just got an account with you guys and gals today in hopes that some of you might give me some assistance with an ongoing issue. Even at age 7 I noticed little things about myself that didn't seem odd at the time but blew up in my face later on. Like, the night before my first day of school I had a dream that was different than any dream I'd ever had. It was a dream that I didn't remember. The next day I was standing at the bus stop when a very strange feeling crept over me. Suddenly the feeling grew to a small knot (the kind you get when you're nervous) in my stomach as the bus approached. When I looked at the big yellow and black vehicle, the smell of diesel gas filled my head and I couldn't help but notice the fact that the dream I had (but couldn't for the life me remember) the night before was playing itself like a movie right before my eyes! The big numbers on the upper left side of the bus were exactly the same, as was the face and voice that greeted me as I stepped up to the stairs to board.
For many years after that, I have been plagued by these dreams that tell my future but evade my memory and make me feel like a complete fool when I try and try to explain them to other people only to be given blank stares followed by, "Whatever your addictions are, you need to give them up...they're playing with your mind." Countless times have I been sitting in class, watching t.v., or merely carrying out my day when these scenes that feel like first-person movies pop up in my face, and I can tell you what's about to happen next in those enigmatic 40-50 seconds of life and then proceed to tell you that I dreamt it up two weeks ago... I have given up Christianity, all thoughts about Heaven and Hell, and basically happiness because how can a person live life knowing that all of their movements and the movements of the people around them are chosen for them hundreds of years before they are even born?
It's something that has fractured my life and has caused a distance between my family and friends...ohh, who am I kidding-- WHAT friends? Yah, I'm pretty much an outcast. I feel so different than everyone else, even the people that believe they can see the future. THEY can remember their prophetic dreams. I can't so, to wrap this whole thing up, I'm basically asking, is there anyone here or out there that is even remotely close to who I am? Is there a name for me? I believe in 'A' God, but not 'THE God' and I also don't believe in Heaven or Hell. I don't feel like everyone else in terms of "Psychic and Medium Experiences" because in one way or another they believe in God and have feelings about afterlife and divination and so on and so forth, were I simply don't.
Where's my place in this world?