Does anyone ever feel like their spirit is two halves of good and evil? Sometimes I feel like I should hate everything in the world and have it burn, but other times I feel so sorry for everything that had happen. I feel warm with sticky threads on my right side of my body, every time I go to bed. Warm, blessed feeling happens to my left side. Like an angel on my left and demon on my right. I ask myself, are my wings are that way?
When I first discovered that I can do things like summon up the elements and archangels, sometimes I feel like I'm being torn in two. For about a year now, or since that demon attack that I described in "I dreamt the Demon of Earth," I have felt a presence in my bed. I would feel a long, coiled, body around my pillows. Sometimes, I would feel a snake around my neck. There would be no hissing sound, but I would feel the tongue flickering at my neck. One time, I have felt sticky threads on my right leg. Encasing it and it crept up to my right side, on my rib cage. When all of this was happening, nothing would happen to my left side, except the snakes tongue. The next day, my right leg was in terrible pain, according to my family history; that I have some arthritis on my leg joints, but only minimal. Except for that day, my whole right leg was in pain, and I had to work that day. Some time later, I noticed that my leg was swollen. When I was laying down for bed, I asked for the threads to be off my leg. I practically demanded it and the threads slowly, but surely, came off of me. I knew it was a good sign, and it did also hurt my leg; like ripping off a band-aid. Every night since then I had to ask for nothing to touch my right leg. I was so fed up with something touching my right leg that I decided to sleep in my father's vacant room (he's a tugboat captain, so he's away for a long while). Some nights I feel fine, other nights I would feel like someone is keeping information from me, someone? I meant spirits.
As far as powers are concern, I get vision when I as the plants for a story. I love plants and the trees where I live have so many stories and I really want to write them down. Sometimes, I would get visions that someone is running through the woods, looking for someone. Here's a creepy vision, one time I went to my church in my hometown and right in the middle of service, I saw a vision of some dark entity that's trying to find me. The entity broke out of the lower depths of hell, but was soon captured by angels by chains. Wings were dark, sort of bat-like, and there was only oval for its head. No legs, arms and spine were dark and looked like bones. I feel like it needs me, and I can do nothing, and I think it could be a female demon. Could someone tell me about this dark entity that wants me, but couldn't get out of hell?
Am I half good and half evil? Is there something about me or my past lives that could have resulted this? Whenever I think of some bad things that I want to do result into feeling something on my right side of my back, like a wing. Is there a war within my spirit, trying to decide if I should be good or bad? I need to meditate more and ask all these questions to whichever angel that is willing to listen to me. I mostly want help from the Archs, but they won't listen to me. Not even Lucifer, the Morningstar; the Devil himself won't help me. I feel like I have to move from my hometown just to have better contact with any Angel or Demon. And, could someone please draw up a picture of the demon that tried to kill me long ago from the descriptions I wrote down from the last story? Please?