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My Guilt Over My Baby Girl

 

I was in an abusive relationship with a boy (I will NOT call him a man) a year older than me, through my freshman and sophomore year in high school. He would abuse me verbally, calling me any rude, demeaning name he could think of, also physically; throwing me into walls, kicking me, hitting me, holding knives to my throat, and finally sexually. We all know what that means: rape, etc. Well one of these times, he got me pregnant, and most definitely did NOT mean to. I love children, more than anything. I can't wait to have a child of my own! And he took this away from me. I knew he could still get to me to hurt me no matter what I did, but for some reason, I thought he wouldn't notice that I was pregnant (after a couple weeks so) and I went back to his house. Mind you; some days, he was so sweet, and then he'd just SNAP. Anyway, he always talked about how much he wanted a child when he was in a good mood, so I figured even if he found out, he wouldn't hurt the child. Who can hurt a helpless baby? Well, he can.

I went to his house, thinking we were safe (we being me and my child) and for the first few times we were. But then he realized that I wasn't getting my period. I was 4-7 weeks pregnant, I'm pretty sure it was 6 or 7. So he acted ok at first then, wham, he caught me off guard and punched me in the stomach a good 4 or 5 times. This caused me to lose my baby. I had this strong, crazy strong feeling that I was carrying a little girl. I just knew it, I guess it's a mother thing? Right? But anyway, I could just tell, and god even after those few short weeks I loved that baby more than words could describe. This was at the end of my sophomore year, I believe. I can't really remember the dates I was pregnant, I can barley remember the month, which makes me feel so horrible, but I erased it from my mind I guess. Just more of what I got rid of from my past trauma with that guy. So anyway, I want to speak to my child, or see her (I'll say her only because I'm sure it was a her.) I feel as though she's safe, with my family that has already passed, and I just, I don't know. Also, I feel almost like she's older? Like when she passed she became an age where she could at least communicate, ect. Does that really happen? I feel like I can see her and how she would look and like it's REALLY her. But I need help, even if it's someone else contacting my baby PLEASE someone help me, and give me this opportunity. I need this to erase my guilt, to know she's safe for sure, and to let her know she isn't alone. Please help me here :) It'd be so appreciated.

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MarinesPrincess (3 stories) (9 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-27)
Radiantsun - Thankyou so much. That was by far one of the sweetest comments I've ever gotten on anything I've ever posted about this on other sites. I really appreciate all that you said, and you're right, I loved my child more than words could explain. I know she's still with me, I can just tell. And I know I'll get the chance to meet her:) Thankyou again.
Animaltalker - Thankyou:) I'll be trying that, and I've gotten some "fd up" I guess you could say, images before, well prepared:) lol thanks again to all of you!
animaltalker (13 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-27)
ummm for one thing YOU are not the one who hurt your baby your the one who loved her until your psychotic ex boyfriend was the one who should have ALLLLLL the guilt not you! And to talk to her.#1.get in a meditated stage.
#2.it has to be at nite.#3.look at a wall and stare at it and think about who you want to contact. Think really really hard.#4.if this doesn't work do it each nite. But I must warn you. You should prepare for what you might see like blood a different kind of ghost a demon ange etc. I hoped I helped. Also to help use your index finger and go around the crown chakra!
BLESSINGS,
Animal Talker
radiantsun (9 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-27)
Your child loves you. None of this was your fault.

The person who really needs the forgiveness is that shiat-for-brain ex-boyfriend of yours.

I've seen so many situations like this before. However, let me tell you something I've never told anybody before. Did you love your daughter? Looking at what you said, you did. And the BEST thing a parent can give to their child is love. Additionally, the most SPECIAL thing a parent can do is love their child even before they were born. It takes a true human to realize that and to do that.

You love your kid so much, you're willing to talk to her after she's passed to apologize. That's so special... It makes me cry. Seriously, I'm tearing up right now. You're willing to feel guilt and remorse because your child has died in order to love.

The best thing to do, at the sake of yourself AND your child, is to let it go. You will change. She will change too. When the time is right, you will go up and meet her. Spirits watch us. Chances are, your child has seen you post this. Words don't need to be comprehensible, the emotion and feeling need to--and all celestial and otherworldly bodies know that.

Oh my gosh, you are so sweet it makes me cry... Stay away from that boyfriend. Continue to live on in the memory of your child. When the time comes, you will have another child and you will love that one as well, as I can see. We need more people like you.
MarinesPrincess (3 stories) (9 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-27)
Yawn -- thankyou for that! I needed a "confirmation" I guess you could say on that because I was really unsure. I thought it was just my imagination running wild because I wanted this so bad. But thankyou for that. I'm going to try to come in contact but I'm not so sure how easy it will be. Thankyou again:)
Yawn (4 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-26)
Even although I can't exactly help you talk to her (out of my hands right now) I could help shed some light on something.

"Also, I feel almost like she's older? Like when she passed she became an age where she could at least communicate, ect. Does that really happen?"

Yes that happens. When you got pregnant, 'her' soul was formed the same time. When she died, her soul developed on it's own on the astral plane (where spirits and such roam, what happens after you die).

Over on that plane, a soul can change it's appearance and age at will as long as it has enough spiritual energy to do so. She could have done that to appear at an older age. This happened twice before with two other miscarriages I've come into contact with; the child's soul develops and usually takes a slightly older form to communicate and move around easier.

It should still be possible to talk to her as long as she hasn't 'passed on' fully, but don't give up hope, keep looking for a way and I'm sure you'll be able to talk to her.
MarinesPrincess (3 stories) (9 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-22)
Thankyou all you're really helping, and to Matrix, NO WORRIES, I have no contact with him. I've moved on, I'm with someone else now:) and happy as can be, it's just the loss of a child that hurts me so much. And yes, I do believe that's what I felt and what I was contacting, and I do believe that she will be growing where ever she is now, but I still believe she's at an age where communication is possible, like maybe 4-6, just the feeling I get. PathR- thankyou for that:) I'll try that, I do have places I can go and time to do it, so I'll be trying that out. Thankyou all for your help and support and again Anne thankyou again for posting this, and I'm sorry I didn't make my question more clear at the end. Thankyou all:) I feel like I never get this much support any where else.
PathR (4 stories) (1245 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-20)
MarinesPrinces, you mentioned your memory is not as strong as before. This shows healing when intensity of pain fades with time.

For babies, it has been said they go to school in heaven until they grow up.
My experience, with my husbands brother whom died at 3-4months premature. I had seen my husbands brother all grown up about 30yrs old.
He had relayed to me in a dream had he been born I would of been married to him instead. He stated he choice not to accept this assignment for this life.
This showed me the unborn do have choice.

I know this all sounds strange, but this has happened so many times with deceased people over the years I no longer disbelieve.

To contact!
Do a little breathing and relaxing to clear the mind and emotions. This talk is basically telepathic sent from the heart or mind. By sending love and light and healing with request.
Using a routine, same place, time or day can open up a portal, even laying in bed when relaxed can work affectively.

Some pray during 31st Oct to 2nd Nov. Some refer to days as: All souls day, All saints day, Latin countries-Day of the dead.

Wishing you well on your path.
Matrix_Wolf_Spirit (2 stories) (60 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-20)
Now that is one abusive guy. I should know abuse since I was abused by my dad many times in my youth. But getting back to your kid. It was in the human development stages. It wasn't complete thus no soul inside. What you feel is probably the soul/spirit that was going to be inside your kid and it is showing you maybe what she or he would of looked like.

Now about the guy. Dont go back to him. If you do only brings more pain and you may end up like most women who go with abusers which be on a metal slab. If an abusive person knows that if he or she can easily hurt you now... Why not kill you? So yeah... Don't go that path again cause NO ONE should be abused and if you want I can talk to you if need for support cuse I have people around the states talking to me for support and I consider them friends even if its long distance.
lindajean (5 stories) (109 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-19)
I agree with Anne's comment, don't dwell on what sex the baby was, learn from what happened.
Also, your unborn fetus may not have had a spirit or soul yet. I can only speak for myself, I remember the day I was born. I have an experience posted here called~ My first memory, insight~ I believe my soul was in my body when I was born but me, myself that is the personality or spirit was not. I remember just before entering the body.
Anyway, please listen to what everyone has posted, it is all great advice. Someday, when your time is right, you will have a child, and you will love it and heal from this horrible experience. ❤ ❤ ❤
MarinesPrincess (3 stories) (9 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-19)
Well, I thankyou all for that. And yes thankyou for posting it. More so I was asking for some help here in seeing if there was a way I could use my abilities or if someone else could help in using theirs to see if there was any way to contact her, and if not, maybe just my family that has passed so that I can have reassurance in her safety now, I posted the info because I know that in my psychic experiences, knowing the full out background helped a bunch. Soo thankyou for the comments you did post, and if you have an answer to the final questions that would be very helpful.
stephyw2001 (3 stories) (108 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-19)
And Anne, thank you for posting this. I hope that enough people can send positive, strong and couragous energy her way.
stephyw2001 (3 stories) (108 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-07-19)
How horrific. As Anne said, and I agree, your child could very very easily have agreed to be born to you to save your life.

I know how hard it is to leave someone, I have had hard times leaving ex-boyfriends too. You feel that feeling like "what if I can't meet anyone else?" or "He can be so nice, he'll eventually change, and we can be happy". These are LIES that are doing yourself so much more harm than good.

It will be hard, you will cry, you will doubt yourself. But understand, you do NOT deserve that. If you haven't gotten one yet, highly consider a personal protection order against him. He killed your child, unborn, innocent. What's to stop him from killing you too? Especially since he has so brutally hurt you so many times now.

You should not worry. I can tell you feel remorse. Depression and remorse radiate from a person very noticablly. Your child and God know this. You don't have to explain, or "reach out" to them. They already can see this. But I can pretty much guarantee they will be disappointed if you go back to this man in any way. Don't talk to him, don't drive by his place. I know this sounds harsh, but life is full of tough realities. I'm sorry to sound brash, but I say this because I care. I care of a total stranger. If I care, there are others too. You're not alone in this world, and if you have those kinds of thoughts, you brush them away as devil talk. They are to be ignored.

You are strong, and you can overcome this.
If you do, I'm certain that in the next life, you can stand by your lost daughter proudly, and smile at eachother.

Please, please be safe. Get away from this devil man. I wish you the best, and hope you can find the courage you need to do what you must.

Stephanie ❤
AnneV (4 stories) (1045 posts) mod
 
9 years ago (2011-07-19)
Baby aside, this is classical abuse and classical return of the abused person. No one can tell you what to do but hopefully this murder of your child has shocked you into knowing what a negative influence this guy is (and I certainly hope you pressed charges). You may be young but you have rights.

Much of our paths are predetermined. Your baby probably agreed to come into your womb to help you experience a lesson that could have only resulted this way. We all pick our parents before we are born, even the young and naïve because we are either born into that to learn something, or pass quickly to teach something - often both.

I personally would not forsake what my child was trying to teach me. What is your lesson here? Learn from it if you can. Dot not feel guilt. What is done is done. Instead, honor your precious child's presence in your life and seek the higher lesson. To dwell on what sex it was or what mental age you want to project it at is pointless. The real reason it fleeted through your existence is for you to learn to respect yourself, to leave those that do not honor you, to experience what unconditional love feels like. This is a gift and I hope you take it.

Your child is physically gone but will always be with you. Honor you and your child and do not return to the state of your life that beckoned the lesson in the first place.

Sometimes I allow the posting of non-psychic related articles because the lesson is so important that it is my hope that other readers can learn something from your lesson without having to go through the horror of physically living it. I hope you never have to again yourself.

Anne

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