I don't know if you'll enjoy this story but this is the truth so there's no way to change it.
I guess I'll start from the beginning. I was a pretty normal child I guess, well it seemed I always caused mischief, but that's normal isn't it? Anyway it was in the 7th grade when everything changed. I don't know if it was puberty or maybe the total change of territory, which I did not carefully enter, that got me to this place.
I started hanging out with a new group of people. I guess they could be considered the cool clique at that small middle school at the time no matter cliché that sounds. I was accepted and well I felt like everything was going to be great from this moment on, sadly that's the exact opposite of what happened. I learned all too quickly about drugs and sex -not like I was a total ignorant child, but being introduced to it was another thing-
I know what you're thinking, but hold on and let me tell the story. So no I didn't start having sex or smoking or doing drugs with them. I did see those young 12-13 year olds destroy themselves though. But it was wearing on me; I was starting to get picked on by the people I thought were my friends. I was a straight edged virgin who was too stuck up to join them. I held my head high even though I was crumbling inside. I let them torture me though; as long as everyone on the outside still thought I was a part of that group I was still too good for the outsiders. -I know totally stuck up but hold on-
My grades began to slip and let me tell you something, before that I got nothing but A's. They became C's and D's. School became pointless to me and I hated it with a deep burning passion. I became very depressed and I started burning myself. Then I slowly started taking sleeping pills, because I would rather be in a fog all day then see the stupid world around me. Never once did I let a smile slip from my lips though, no one knew and I was proud that I would destroy myself in secret.
I started to notice things. I started to feel even more different than my peers. I felt like I was falling away from the world and well no one seemed to care so I just kept falling. I didn't know then what I know now, I'm an empath. I started sensing things I shouldn't about people. So I took more pills I burned myself more often, trying to escape from being a freak.
My friend convinced me to do Ouija board with her one day. So then we did that we talked to a spirit whose name I will never speak, write, or think of again. It was a he and he was my destruction. He praised me, telling me I was special. Telling me I was psychic and a very powerful witch -I dabbled in that until I finally quit only months before- He said I was beautiful and he'd protect me. I finally thought a savior had come for me to rip me out of this darkness. I was so naïve then.
I started noticing him all around me. Everywhere I went, he was there. I started seeing his shadow but only for mere seconds before it was gone and left me thinking I was going crazy. I'm going to fast forward because first of all it's too painful to remember and well it's my secret to tell. So going through 8th grade I fell from the fortress of the cool people, feeling too much like a ghost when I was around them.
So now going on to my freshman year in high school. I started noticing I was often tired and weak. I was grumpy all the time and I snapped at people a lot. Then I started realizing he was getting stronger, his energy was practically pulsing in my bedroom. At home I was enveloped by him; I was happy and glad he was there. At school all I could think about was how to get rid of him. I even got to the point of trying to kill myself more than once.
I was under a dark spell that I couldn't escape. My grades improved that year though. I pulled through, Gods only know why. I was completely depressed but I did it for my parents and they were very happy. I started ignoring him, telling him to leave all the time. Then I started to feel his energy decrease. That's when it all truly began though.
I started dreaming strange things. Things that would happen the next day or in the near future. Then I dreamed of dying once, becoming a ghost and I woke up crying. I just knew that some spirit reached out to me and told me her story. The sad thing is with my inexperience I couldn't help her.
Then it started to escalate, I started to predict bad things that would happen. I felt it so strong sometimes it would hurt. My best friend at the time knew and it freaked her out so much she distanced away from me and now we don't speak. I had become the freak I tried to run from all along. I started seeing into people, their outside appearance would fade and I instantly knew their intentions or their emotions.
It freaked me out, especially when I would be talking to some stranger and chills would run through me telling me to run and get away from them. I always obeyed my instincts for some reason, I never thought of ignoring them at this point.
I started to research myself. I learned a lot, well from the ignorance I once held. I am an Empath. It still is weird to tell people and by that I mean I don't tell anyone. What I can do is dream of the future, I sense spirits, read people/spirit's true emotions/intentions, tell when something's going to happen, and there's one more thing I haven't gotten to yet.
I started researching the world of the faerie. It was a blissful escape. This is fast forwarding to my sophomore year in high school. I became happier, I surrounded myself with people who had the energies I enjoyed most. I slipped out of that depression on my own and sometimes it comes back but I just let it pass knowing it will and now accepting it.
I became the person I thought was impossible for me to be. Somehow surrounding myself with things about fae and studying them helped me shape myself into a better person. I found the innocent girl inside me again and this time I'm not going to let her go. People don't realize how important it is to keep that child part of them. It's good to let them surface every now and then and do something fun for yourself like you did as a youngster. One day they might even save you like mine saved me. I'm not saying go out there and be an ignorant fool and act immature all the time. I'm saying it's okay to have that innocence around when things get tough in the world.
Okay now those of you who stuck around this long, I'll continue. I started seeing the fae, not like you would think though. Well the kind I mostly see some of you might know as the "Wee folk" or any of those other terms that you can also use. I don't see them clearly but they do wisp by every now and then. I see them sometimes in dreams also. I have an alter in my room dedicated to them which always makes me smile.
You're all probably wondering why I told you all of this. I needed someone to know. No one who actually sees and knows me everyday knows. I appear as normal as I can. Sometimes it gets hard and that depression hits. As I said before I'm inexperienced and untaught. I'm going to start meditating soon though, I heard it helps.
I came here to not only tell my story but so I don't feel so alone anymore. You see during middle school I felt lost. So when high school came and I discovered I was an actually a good writer, I felt found. Then I started to get that lost feeling again. I began my search and then I found out I was an Empath. I studied it but it still confuses me. After awhile I felt lost once more and began another search. That's when I discovered the world of the fae -yes I know it's a dangerous world also, so I'm careful- They, I believe, helped me find myself again. But now coming to the present, in this very moment. I feel lost again. I feel the need to search for something.
So I decided I should probably go out there and tell someone what I am and my story and maybe they will help. I want to know I'm not alone and that I'm not some kind of freak. I have so many questions and when I get answers it only raises more questions.
Before you start judging me and my beliefs I think you should know that I believe anything is possible and I also believe in the possibilities of your believes, no matter what they might be.
I'm entering my junior year into high school in a couple weeks. I also hope telling this story might help people to realize no matter what battles they face there's always a choice. You can let them destroy you or you can rise above them letting them make you stronger then you were before. I would never want people to go through what I have and if you are going through a dark time right now, just know one thing. I might never know you, see or hear you, but know that I send all my hope and love to you. -Yeah I know very corny, but whatever I like being corny sometimes so deal with it-
So if anyone wants to talk to me about my story leave comments and if you want to exchange e-mails and talk about anything empath or fae that's cool too.
So respect is my number one issue. When you begin to see the world around you as unique and holy to itself then you can come to a being and with all of the relevance that you have found so far, honor it with the truth of the world as it is, so that it may know where you stand and who you are so that it can honor you. Almost like deep communion. This goes with fairies, ghosts, shadow beings, energy, the energy of walls even. To know how to honor a being, and to see only the divine spark in all would enhance the map for your future so that you go places that will serve your very higher consciousness. Instead of burning yourself and the like.
Pain is like the fires of alchemy the pressure that turns lead into gold.