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Heartless Tragedies And Dark Beginnings

 

I don't know if you'll enjoy this story but this is the truth so there's no way to change it.

I guess I'll start from the beginning. I was a pretty normal child I guess, well it seemed I always caused mischief, but that's normal isn't it? Anyway it was in the 7th grade when everything changed. I don't know if it was puberty or maybe the total change of territory, which I did not carefully enter, that got me to this place.

I started hanging out with a new group of people. I guess they could be considered the cool clique at that small middle school at the time no matter cliché that sounds. I was accepted and well I felt like everything was going to be great from this moment on, sadly that's the exact opposite of what happened. I learned all too quickly about drugs and sex -not like I was a total ignorant child, but being introduced to it was another thing-

I know what you're thinking, but hold on and let me tell the story. So no I didn't start having sex or smoking or doing drugs with them. I did see those young 12-13 year olds destroy themselves though. But it was wearing on me; I was starting to get picked on by the people I thought were my friends. I was a straight edged virgin who was too stuck up to join them. I held my head high even though I was crumbling inside. I let them torture me though; as long as everyone on the outside still thought I was a part of that group I was still too good for the outsiders. -I know totally stuck up but hold on-

My grades began to slip and let me tell you something, before that I got nothing but A's. They became C's and D's. School became pointless to me and I hated it with a deep burning passion. I became very depressed and I started burning myself. Then I slowly started taking sleeping pills, because I would rather be in a fog all day then see the stupid world around me. Never once did I let a smile slip from my lips though, no one knew and I was proud that I would destroy myself in secret.

I started to notice things. I started to feel even more different than my peers. I felt like I was falling away from the world and well no one seemed to care so I just kept falling. I didn't know then what I know now, I'm an empath. I started sensing things I shouldn't about people. So I took more pills I burned myself more often, trying to escape from being a freak.

My friend convinced me to do Ouija board with her one day. So then we did that we talked to a spirit whose name I will never speak, write, or think of again. It was a he and he was my destruction. He praised me, telling me I was special. Telling me I was psychic and a very powerful witch -I dabbled in that until I finally quit only months before- He said I was beautiful and he'd protect me. I finally thought a savior had come for me to rip me out of this darkness. I was so naïve then.

I started noticing him all around me. Everywhere I went, he was there. I started seeing his shadow but only for mere seconds before it was gone and left me thinking I was going crazy. I'm going to fast forward because first of all it's too painful to remember and well it's my secret to tell. So going through 8th grade I fell from the fortress of the cool people, feeling too much like a ghost when I was around them.

So now going on to my freshman year in high school. I started noticing I was often tired and weak. I was grumpy all the time and I snapped at people a lot. Then I started realizing he was getting stronger, his energy was practically pulsing in my bedroom. At home I was enveloped by him; I was happy and glad he was there. At school all I could think about was how to get rid of him. I even got to the point of trying to kill myself more than once.

I was under a dark spell that I couldn't escape. My grades improved that year though. I pulled through, Gods only know why. I was completely depressed but I did it for my parents and they were very happy. I started ignoring him, telling him to leave all the time. Then I started to feel his energy decrease. That's when it all truly began though.

I started dreaming strange things. Things that would happen the next day or in the near future. Then I dreamed of dying once, becoming a ghost and I woke up crying. I just knew that some spirit reached out to me and told me her story. The sad thing is with my inexperience I couldn't help her.

Then it started to escalate, I started to predict bad things that would happen. I felt it so strong sometimes it would hurt. My best friend at the time knew and it freaked her out so much she distanced away from me and now we don't speak. I had become the freak I tried to run from all along. I started seeing into people, their outside appearance would fade and I instantly knew their intentions or their emotions.

It freaked me out, especially when I would be talking to some stranger and chills would run through me telling me to run and get away from them. I always obeyed my instincts for some reason, I never thought of ignoring them at this point.

I started to research myself. I learned a lot, well from the ignorance I once held. I am an Empath. It still is weird to tell people and by that I mean I don't tell anyone. What I can do is dream of the future, I sense spirits, read people/spirit's true emotions/intentions, tell when something's going to happen, and there's one more thing I haven't gotten to yet.

I started researching the world of the faerie. It was a blissful escape. This is fast forwarding to my sophomore year in high school. I became happier, I surrounded myself with people who had the energies I enjoyed most. I slipped out of that depression on my own and sometimes it comes back but I just let it pass knowing it will and now accepting it.

I became the person I thought was impossible for me to be. Somehow surrounding myself with things about fae and studying them helped me shape myself into a better person. I found the innocent girl inside me again and this time I'm not going to let her go. People don't realize how important it is to keep that child part of them. It's good to let them surface every now and then and do something fun for yourself like you did as a youngster. One day they might even save you like mine saved me. I'm not saying go out there and be an ignorant fool and act immature all the time. I'm saying it's okay to have that innocence around when things get tough in the world.

Okay now those of you who stuck around this long, I'll continue. I started seeing the fae, not like you would think though. Well the kind I mostly see some of you might know as the "Wee folk" or any of those other terms that you can also use. I don't see them clearly but they do wisp by every now and then. I see them sometimes in dreams also. I have an alter in my room dedicated to them which always makes me smile.

You're all probably wondering why I told you all of this. I needed someone to know. No one who actually sees and knows me everyday knows. I appear as normal as I can. Sometimes it gets hard and that depression hits. As I said before I'm inexperienced and untaught. I'm going to start meditating soon though, I heard it helps.

I came here to not only tell my story but so I don't feel so alone anymore. You see during middle school I felt lost. So when high school came and I discovered I was an actually a good writer, I felt found. Then I started to get that lost feeling again. I began my search and then I found out I was an Empath. I studied it but it still confuses me. After awhile I felt lost once more and began another search. That's when I discovered the world of the fae -yes I know it's a dangerous world also, so I'm careful- They, I believe, helped me find myself again. But now coming to the present, in this very moment. I feel lost again. I feel the need to search for something.

So I decided I should probably go out there and tell someone what I am and my story and maybe they will help. I want to know I'm not alone and that I'm not some kind of freak. I have so many questions and when I get answers it only raises more questions.

Before you start judging me and my beliefs I think you should know that I believe anything is possible and I also believe in the possibilities of your believes, no matter what they might be.

I'm entering my junior year into high school in a couple weeks. I also hope telling this story might help people to realize no matter what battles they face there's always a choice. You can let them destroy you or you can rise above them letting them make you stronger then you were before. I would never want people to go through what I have and if you are going through a dark time right now, just know one thing. I might never know you, see or hear you, but know that I send all my hope and love to you. -Yeah I know very corny, but whatever I like being corny sometimes so deal with it-

So if anyone wants to talk to me about my story leave comments and if you want to exchange e-mails and talk about anything empath or fae that's cool too.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Impulsive, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

WildRoseFlow_r (15 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-13)
Cool. I did not have such clean cut and clear experiences in high school. In high school and junior high I studied people (unconcsiously as my "psychic" homework). This has become the back ground of seeing personalities and differences in beings which are the basis of this world. (Human) and other worlds (). I say this because I am human and can relate to other such beings. The ones that are like the make-up of a human instead as such the being of a blanket which has a wholehearted relevance to this universe it is just not on our wavelength of understanding to see it as a conscious component.

So respect is my number one issue. When you begin to see the world around you as unique and holy to itself then you can come to a being and with all of the relevance that you have found so far, honor it with the truth of the world as it is, so that it may know where you stand and who you are so that it can honor you. Almost like deep communion. This goes with fairies, ghosts, shadow beings, energy, the energy of walls even. To know how to honor a being, and to see only the divine spark in all would enhance the map for your future so that you go places that will serve your very higher consciousness. Instead of burning yourself and the like.
Pain is like the fires of alchemy the pressure that turns lead into gold.
Impulsive (4 stories) (10 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-12)
dryadlady, thank you for commenting and I can assure you right now that I have no intension of conoodling with the dark fae. Well first off they terrify me but id never admit that to one of their faces or non faces... Anyways secondly I'm very careful and I thank you for your concern.
Impulsive (4 stories) (10 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-12)
okay since I'm busy and not good at starting conversations over email ill just give you guys my email.

Liligigi2859[at]yahoo.com

Yea I know it sounds fake because it is fake (: can't be too careful. So just email me and ill be sure to respond!
dryadlady (2 stories) (22 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-12)
Imulisive, ok you have sunk low, into the grime, and survived it, yu are a lesson to us all.
If yu were a baptist, yu could use that as your testamonial, "how I survived"!
Now your into the fae, or wee folk, and your story sounds so similar to mine, which I haven't published on here as its personal but the gist of it is the same. I went from one newage path, to another, to another, to another, it takes ages to wite and I won't do it, as it gives them hope we may turn back.
Now is the time to encourage yu to grab back that feeling as a wee girl, yu had when yu knew that yu felt lighter,innocnet, and happier, if your path is fae, tune into the fae, remembering they too can be of the nasty dark side, but don't yu go there girl, stay on the side of the lighter working fae, yu may drift off their lighter path, just remember to stay on the light side... And don't get trapped again by the darker side.
The fae will help yu throughout your life, but your still going to be side tracked by the other darker side, as they hate losing out on one of their own, oh don't I know it just!
So remember to ignore their lies, just stick to the path yu have chosen, forewarned is forearmed. If yu sense a bad un, zap it down with a well versed song chant or spell, or faieri dust!
Start each day, with a dedication to your chosen muse, at your own personal altar, invite the fae to come into your life to protect yu daily, if yu need it, hourley, or each minute of the day, arrow prayers were wot I was taught to say, as a christian, just one word, but ow as a new age 60+ pagan, I sing my songs or prayers.
Be happy not sad, be joyful, be glad, youve walked through the gloom, come out real soon, into the light, of the faerie path which is bright, now listen for their tunes and dance now under the fullmoon tonight!
As a ex christian, the bible was used as a similar protection prayer, as in Romans, I was taught to say a certain passage every day if I felt threatend.
It was called The armour of God, now yu find your own armour of the fae, to protect yu, from your former path, and I hope yu wills tick on the light path, and not fall again to the darker forces.
Impulsive (4 stories) (10 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-12)
Angel that's really cool about your mom. I agree with you on that its definitely possible. Hold true to your beliefs because they are yours and never let anyone take that from you. I will for sure write you as well (:

The_k that's very interesting about your friend. I'm glad you saved her and I'm glad you know your destiny is to save people.
the_k (38 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-12)
i'm an empath as well, I can feel the emotions of other people. I learned how to stop feeling emotion and how to stop showing them as well, that's how I could tell mine from others. I have great mental power and can hide how I feel, but those who severely depressed are attracted to me, and if I can bring them out of depression I can feel it leave them. I met one of my best friends stopping her from suicide, and I knew she was still alive because I could feel her presence on earth, I could hear her heartbeat. But before I saved her I had never met her before even though I had 2 classes with her, it was my destiny to save her, and many other people.
SnowAngel12 (guest)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-11)
I enjoyed your story and the other small tid bits of side stories anne v posted as well. Well for me, I know for a fact that even though I have not lived long on this earth in my present form, I too still got a lot to learn about the world, life, and oneself.

I don't have any experience with fae or gnome, so I can't say what they are like. I do think my mom have some kind of garden fae or spirit that likes the garden (whichever one it is, doesn't matter), that likes to stick around my mom because she takes cares of it really really well.

For me it is dragons and angels. I know I know sounds a bit fantastical about dragon spirits, it could be all in the mind is what other people will say. But my thought is this, if angels are real and you can accept that angels are real, why can't you accept dragons as well when god can create anything. Anything is possible.

Well at first I thought, just because I love dragons at a very very young age (basically the moment my mom told me I was born the year of the dragon and asked her what it was, I was fascinated by it), I just feel things or see things. Well this year or when I was a kid (don't really know when), I think a white dragon adopted me, and later on it showed itself more frequently. From dreams, shadows, and shapes in the clouds, to little things it did for me. How do I know? From just events that happen naturally or actually things that he has done for me? I guess the only thing I can say is by instinct/intuition and his name pops up in my head randomly when I am not thinking about him.

Well if you want to talk more about them I could send more stories to you through email. My email is crzyangel12 [at] hotmail.com.
Impulsive (4 stories) (10 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-10)
I definitely will write to you when I have time. As I said, I'm basically all on my own here. I would love to tell you about my experiences and see what your opinion or just thoughts are about them. I also do have questions which I would hope for you to answer.
AnneV (4 stories) (1045 posts) mod
+1
9 years ago (2011-08-10)
I'm glad you feel better. Your story really touched me so it was only natural to respond as I did. You seem like such a lovely person.

As for my experiences, they are vast which is why I created all these websites (www.astralvoyage.com, www.spiritual-experiences.com, www.psychic-experiences.com and www.yourghoststories.com). There's just too many for one site and they keep adding up, which is great. I have no doubt your life will unfold in the same way. You're already open, an empath and have developed a loving compassion which raises your vibrations and since it's all about vibrations, your spectrum of experience will be much higher (not to mention more interesting) than the average human.

You are always free to write if you want to share or ask something (eclecticraven [at] yahoo.com). I walked the same path as the one you're on. I'm just down that road a little farther than you. But I understand your past very well. Though all of our stories are different, my own youth was full of abuse, abandonment by both parents, cruel fellow students, stuck in an orphanage, you name it. But I like who I am and the path I walked allowed me to be who I am now and create these webpages to help others, just like you. The true teachers are not always in the classroom but have lived and survived the classroom of life.

I once asked my higher self to show me why I was here. Why oh why would I come to such a dreadful place as this plane of existence? Later that night, I became lucid in my sleep and I was given the answer. Like a movie reel, I was shown all the love I had given others but instead of just seeing it, I felt it. Not just the love I gave but I felt how they felt receiving it. It was wonderful. I KNEW then part of why I would reincarnate to such a dark place. It's all about learning to love our fellow human beings and helping them learn the same. The ending of your first post totally gets that. And if this world didn't have people that were trying to learn and express love, then this really would be hell (well, more hellish than it already is). Oh, and at the end, I heard, "Would you not come back again for this?" And I said "Yes":)

Love and light to you!
Anne
Impulsive (4 stories) (10 posts)
 
9 years ago (2011-08-10)
Well I think I might cry. Thank you for saying all of those wonderful things Anne. You seriously brought a smile to my face and got me out of my grumpy mood today (: You are right, people do need to experience things to mold them into better human being. I just meant that knowing all that pain was a hard thing I had to go through and I would never wish that much pain onto someone else. Yes I know what you mean about people being handed everything, I've met a few and they just remind me of empty beings who are never filled so they just keep taking.

As for thw gnome story, that's super cool and would love to hear more about any other experiences you've had.

You are the first person to ever tell me that I was valued on this earth and I thank you so much for that! You've brighten my day, I assure you that (:
AnneV (4 stories) (1045 posts) mod
 
9 years ago (2011-08-10)
I think life is a series of feeling lost and then finding yourself in increments. That's how we evolve. And just look at the leaps and bounds you've made yourself.

You don't want people to go through what you went through but what would you prefer? No lessons for others like you? Some of the most, and I hate to use this word, but "worthless" people I've known were the people given everything for nothing and had an easy life. They did not evolve like you did because nothing made them do so. So in some ways, they escaped the most valuable thing life has to offer; the experiences that mold us into great human beings. Look at most of the great leaders of our past and they had very tough beginnings. It seems a curse now, but as you're slowly finding out, it's also a blessing. I'd rather be you any day than so many people who are barely conscious.

I'm sure there are empaths on this site that will appreciate your comforting story. It's nice to see another human being try and make the world a better place for a stranger.

As for fae, I think that's great. I have a wonderful story around a gnome. I was meditating one afternoon and my third eye totally opened up. There I saw two gnomes drinking tea in what looked like some underground lair. One of them said to me, "Look at the lottery for seven days and it will be like looking at paper." Seven days later I "saw", while projecting, three lottery balls that were as clear as looking at paper, I played them and won. These inter-dimensional beings do exist and they have a particular fondness for empaths, animal & nature lovers and overall good loving humans. You obviously are one of those humans.

You are right, anything is possible! I defy the laws of what is "possible" all of them time. Isn't that great?

I hope that despite feeling lost in the current moment, you can reflect on these comments and know there are people who think you are doing great. That think you are the type of person that this world needs and that your presence here on this earth is valued.

Anne

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