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Deployed Soldier; It's Happening Again Why


I am a soldier currently in Iraq where things are more dangerous than they talk about anymore. The stress has been bad, but I'm more scared than ever because things that I dealt with as a kid are starting to happen again. In order for you to help me, because I do need help, I need describe the things that I have seen. I am doing this, because if anyone else has experienced the same, as is not in a dangerous stressful environment, then maybe it's not the stress and maybe I'm not crazy.

I worry about being crazy because of the stuff that I experienced as a child. My mom has what the family calls a gift, meaning she dreams about things before they happen. There's a lot of stuff that I don't really believe in, but we cannot deny that she has this gift. But People called my mom crazy because when she was pregnant with me, she said things would fly off the shelves and her bed would violently shake around the room and sometimes even hover off of the floor. She finally became so embarrassed that she stopped talking about it altogether.

When I was born, my mother said I was a cranky, angry, emotional baby. I honestly can't say, I don't remember.

One of my earliest memories is at age 3. I was sleeping on the couch and woken up by a set of beads sliding across the floor like train and they made the sound of a train also: "Choo Choo." I told my mom and she called me crazy.

This was just the beginning of strange things that made me feel like a crazy person. At age 5 I developed extremely bad rage issues from out of no where, almost demonically violent. I still don't know why. We went to see the fire works with the church. I was standing next to water at the river walk and heard a splash. And a head came up from the water with big yellow eyes and a yellow small cluster of tentacles for where the mouth should've been and it just looked at me as it floated in the water away. I told everyone and said I was crazy.

We moved into a house that we were pretty sure was haunted. We'd hear singing in the attic and things would fly around. I was laying in my bed and it started to shake and slide across the floor. This is the first time my family acknowledged something paranormal the same time as I was experiencing it. My brother and I shared a bed and he told me to stop. I told him it wasn't me. I looked up under the bed and there was this glowing bright green light shining beneath it.

Then around age 6, we lived in a big house. I remember being on the second floor and stepping into the closet but it didn't lead into the closet. It led into a huge a cave with a water fall, and a set of stones spiraled down the waterfall. And I walked down them and when I reached the bottom, I stepped out of a door on a first floor. Once again I was crazy.

Age 7, I heard a rustle in my bedroom, looked up on the wall and saw a pitch black shadow with eyes made of bluish white light. It seemed startled that I could see it and it ran along the wall and out the door. (Years later my aunt saw a shadow slide under her bedroom door, she ran into the room and found my uncle having a seizure. My family said they believed me after that. But they still called me crazy.) But back to my story.

Luckily after age 7, these things stopped. And it was a relief, but it seemed my anger issues got worse and worse. I became restless and disappointed in the world as I grew up and became so rebellious. I'm still this way now, even though I am better at controlling my temper. My strange sightings were replaced with dreams that would come true. I would dream of friends telling me personal things about themselves that they didn't want anyone to know. I'd dream of relatives having children who got pregnant a week later, and I'd even dream of relatives dying before they died. When relatives would die, I would dream of them. My uncle, who died of cancer, once laughed and told me not to remind him when I asked him wasn't he dead.

With the dreaming, came this "I just know it" mentality about people. When people are angry I feel it, when they are sad I feel it, when they happy I feel it. Sometimes I have made the mistake of falling in love with someone because they were feeling immense love with someone else and I think on some level I picked up on it.

I'm also sickly. I have electrical issues with my heart from out of nowhere. The doctors say that the electrical system of my heart is similar to someone who exercises too much, but I wasn't very active at the time at all. I also experience gastro intestinal issues and dry skin.

And then the changes my personality. I have many sides to myself and I don't know what they are. It's nothing extreme, but there are times when I feel like there is something different about me, the way I talk, feel and treat people. Almost like there is more than one me, and my body and basic personality is just a medium to be used while that other side of myself expresses him or herself. You see what I mean? I must be crazy.

It scares me because my father, who is known for being very crazy, has mentioned similar stories to me. I haven't told him that I have experienced the same. I'm afraid for people to think that I am like him. I don't want to be crazy. My father says that I am powerful and that I am meant to do something special. But he's crazy. He says god speaks to him and that he's seen how powerful I'm going to become. My dad says that he saw I have a heart of gold and that I'm going to heal people. It scares me.

I have a feeling that I need to do something special and important and the more I realize I don't know what it is I become restless and anxious, but I think that's just the anxiety of a 20 year old, not a life purpose or calling that's preordaned for me, right? My mom was crazy when she was pregnant with me, my dads looney now, and it seems like they passed this weirdness onto me through their genes.

I worked very hard to control this and most of it went away, but sometimes I cannot. Now I'm grown, I just turned twenty three 40 minutes ago and I'm in Iraq. And I don't know if it's from the stress or what, but it's all coming back. I saw the black shadow for the first time since I was a kid a couple of days ago. And my mind feel likes it's doing that thing again where there is so many sides of me. Some are nice, so much nicer than me. Others are mean and arrogant and like toying with people because I understand how people think and feel. I had a dream about my ex and ended up receiving an email from ex just earlier. I really need help. Has anyone dealt with this that isn't in a stressful life threatening environment, I mean while growing up and everything else too. Because if you lived a normal life, and didn't have parents known for seeing weird stuff and having weird experiences, then maybe there is more to this than me a crazy kid that's going crazy again because he's stressed at war time.

I know this was a lot that I wrote and I am so sorry. But I am scared. I don't want to be crazy.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, ikaboo, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

deniseelisabeth (guest)
10 years ago (2011-09-04)

My guess would be, and I'm just one person. But that everything that you are experiencing is at it's peek due to the fact that you may be going through a change in your life that is going to lifechanging. I think now is when you are going to learn more about your gifts. And yes I say gifts cause I don't believe you are crazy. Crazy people in general never question themselves and their mentalty. You are here on this site and obviously know that something is changing. That you know things people do not. Crazies always believe they are sane and those who do not see as them are insane.

Sometimes when we are put in a stressful enviroment our gifts that have been laying dormant awaken and blossom. That's what I believe is happening to you. You're at a point in your life where something is about to change for you.
I don't mean being in Iraq. Obviously that is putting an even more stress on what you are experiencing. But your gifts. I don't know your fam history and such but maybe you could talk to your dad and ask him what he knows about your gifts about this great something that you are going to do. You don't have to mention what is happening to you but mereley dig a little deeper.

I believe your gifts have been passed on to you through blood. I.e you were born with them. I myself was too. I've been where you're at not knowing or understanding I was about 18 (20now) or so when I completely crashed with my gifts thought I might be insane but as time grew and I learned to accept them and eventhough I've much to learn it's easier. Surely it is very hard for you to experience this when your deployed cause just cause.

But I would focus more on what info you are getting when things happen to you. And what you feel like. My guess is you have a bunch of gifts two of which seem to be empathy and clairvoyance. Empathy would/could be these different sides of you that you are feeling. I know how I hard empathy is to deal with. I've been where you are. You should try to meditate if you ever find the time to.
But I'm just one person, I don't claim to know the truth. I just go off my own experiences.

If you need more help or just talk about what you are experiencing feel free to let me know. And I'll try to help if you'd like

stephyw2001 (3 stories) (108 posts)
10 years ago (2011-09-02)
Actually, Jamiesan, empathy is said to be passed on genetically.
Helpful1 (4 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-31)
Hello I'm Irish and generally psychic genes do run in families, as does dyslexia and other things. What your experiencing is normal enough and quiet common at the moment. I've travelled the world and met many psychics;the shadows are vibrating at a low frequency,fear, anger and rage are low vibrating emotions and like attracts like.I'm also a psychotherapist and what you are feeling are different sides of yourself-everyone has them its called the personality matrix, or sub personalities. Everytime you experience a challenging situation or new situation a part of yourself is born/evolved to deal with this situation. You appear to be intelligent and more aware of them-you also possibly appear to have more extreem ones. I would suggest that you protect yourself from any spirit or outside influence look at this site- View look at creating your highest future room at books. Living with joy has an awful lot of psychology condensed into 1 book. THey do other meditations-evolving your subpersonality is one one of them. Buy it for 7$ and listen to it. I wish you all the best and relax you are fine. Xxx
Jamiesan (2 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-30)
It needs to be explained that genetics play little to no part in psychic/empathic sensitivities. It has everything to do with the souls level of development. The higher developed souls have an ability to feel and intuit the unseen factors in a world infatuated with physicality.
What you have recounted in this forum is NORMAL... Not abnormal. We have been taught that only what we can see with our 5 senses has value and validity. This is a lie... And intentional lie.

It is more important to use the 6th sense than it is to use the other 5 as they can be distorted and interrpreted through a very corrputed lens. The society in which we live is corrupt in and of itself... So I would not take seriously what you see and hear all around you ikaboo.

Whenever I see (from an Astrological perspective) a person's Moon, Neptune or Jupiter in the first house I see the potential (great potential) for an empathic personality. ALso, personal planets posited in the 4th, 8th or 12th houses also denotes empathic or psychic abilities... But other factors/aspects may mitigate the strength or weakness thereof.

You, my dear one, are absolutely sane, beautiful and a gift to this world. Your level of evolution is to be respected and not feared or maligned... But many will do so in order to strip you of any personal power and peace.
Please read up on Spiritual Alchemy, AStrology, Intuitives, Empaths and the like. You are NOT alone and you must learn to turn off the outside noise in order to better serve your inner voice. Instead of using negative words such as "crazy" try rephrasing with another word that has a more positive connotation without placing judgement on the behavior or condition you "suffer".;-) Use words like, " Unusual" or "unconventional" in describing your abilities rather than use the negative "crazy" that implies you are inferior in some way to the mainstream of society. People use words like this to try and make us conform to their reality... Which is nothing like ours who have these heightened abilities.

CELEBRATE your soul's current status as an evolved being and your mission here on Earth. It is very important and no doubt has something to do with foreign people and travels.
I wish you peace in accepting the fact that you are a divine spark of creation and a spokesperson for the other side.

Come home safe... ❤
stephyw2001 (3 stories) (108 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-29)
Zilla, I actually find this story to be interesting. He has family histories that can't be ignored. He broke down a series of events over his life that happened. I don't think this is off topic.

I do agree though that some stories are annoying on here. Everytime someone says "I can control the elements" I shake my head. The story submission page actually even says "A few topics we don't accept anymore because it attracts undesirable people: control of weather, or the elements..."

But to me, its worth skipping past the juvenile daydreamers to actually hear some very interesting stories. I still think this is a great place for people to talk about what's going on with them. It's always nice to know you're not alone. ❤
Zilla (38 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-29)
Not to be rude or anything, But I wish this site posted only from legitimate psychics, and not just people with Superstitions and typical dreams. 😕 I am sure I am not the only one who feels this way. There should at least be a section for " Off Topic " stories and those those from True Established Psychics and not just a bunch of 12 year old's who thing they have superman powers. I am not denying that they do or not, only they know. Anyways... That was my little rant. Peace and love.
ikaboo (2 stories) (3 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-29)
Thank you so much to everyone who has responded so far. It makes me feel so much better to hear people talking about their experiences too. Yes MandyNicole, my mother was infamous for dreaming about family members deaths before they died. It got to the point that people were terrified for her to dream about them. One day she woke me up crying frantically and said she dreamt a guy had killed her and thrown her in a ditch next to a grocery store. The next day a cashier at our local market was found dead in a ditch next to the store. Her boyfriend had snapped and killed her the previous night. As skeptical as much of my family is, we cannot deny that she has this gift. I too have dreamt stuff that has happened also. Deaths, pregnancies, and sometimes very intimate things about close friends that I don't want to know.
Shiver96 (2 stories) (12 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-28)
I can assure you that most likely crazy is not the answer. I am only 14 years old and may not know enough about the world, but I do know what I have experienced is real and from what I've read in your article, unless you have an extremely good imagination, what you are experiencing is real as well. It's taken me 14 years to sort out what exactly I am and if it's all just in my head or not, but now that I finally have I feel better about who I am as a person.
MandyyNicole (2 stories) (3 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-27)
I'm sorry if I repeat any of the other posters, I haven't read the comments yet:)

All of the horomone changes when your mom was pregnant could easily produce a poltergeist, especially if your mom already has that kind of 6th sense. It may have just stuck around and agitated you when you were young.

Sometimes, when you're younger, it's easier to freely have those abilities becuase you don't realize it's not normal, you know? I also am thinking the thing in the water was some sort of... Creature from another realm you happened to get a glimpse of.
I also agree with the one post I read, you're defenitely an empath. It's a wonderful gift, use it to make unhappy people feel better!
If it becomes too stressful to handle at times, invision a barrier between you and the offending person and try not to make their emotions your own (I think this also accounts for the personality issues you're having).

I really, REALLY think you would benefit SO MUCH by also posting this on (I think it's a sister site to this one) because most of what you're experiencing seems to fit in with more paranormal and they give amazing advice on how to deal with it and cleanse yourself so it stays away.

ALSO, thank you so much for everything you're out there doing for our country. Stay safe ❤
XcitingStuart (3 stories) (28 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-27)
Owl, you might be an empath, and sky-controller I have visions too, I'm grateful of it 'cause it makes me unique. 😁 😁 😁
CJRyan (1 stories) (36 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-25)
it helps to embrace your talent and work on it sothat way it will not seem as scary. Thatis what my mom told me. That is why I'm trying to read up on physic abilities. Hope I helped. You can e-mail me at momsfavgirl2010 [at] if anyone wants to talk or is willing to help me with my talents.
Peace out
CJRyan (1 stories) (36 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-25)
I've had many phsyic experinces ever since I was a little girl. I could tell how an animal or person was feelingand my moms side of the family is phsyic as well. I have seen shapes, ghosts and even a chimera once. Its normal to feel like your going crazy. That's how I used to feel until my mom told me that he rside of the family was phsyic, after that it all made sence. Your family is probaly physic and you got it geneticaly. Oh, if your physic abilitys are genitic than if you ever have a kid they might inherit the gene so if that happenes than it would be immportant for the kid to feel like you ecept them for who they are and that if they need to talk you will be there to listen to them. Good luck. Hope you come home to the USA soon. Thank you for all you have done for the usa in the war.
sky-controller (3 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-25)
im 15 and I have experianced things that would scare people out of their brains but when I told my mum she explained it all. This shadow that you saw is a spirit but a spirit that doesn't want to be known do you have a mate that's died and has bright blue eyes? Youve got to identify everything, like I can see many things not even intentional, I get visions from just touching a book that someone's just put back on the shelf at school. This cavern with a waterfall is what every psychic has it is a place of bliss and a place to reconnect with your inner-self something that your mind must have thought that you needed. There's nothing to be afraid about every psychic has gone through similar things trust me I'm 15 but I'm very connected to these things. Good luck
owls (6 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-25)
I know how hard it is to tell other people. I don't want anyone to think I am crazy. I wonder myself sometimes although others do not say that I am. I tell my daughter about some of the things that happen to me and she know tells me that she knows I am not crazy or a liar so I must really see, hear and feel the things that I do. I can pick up on other peoples feelings and didn't realize that was an ability that most people don't have. I seem to absorb peoples feelings and know what they are feeling. My mom just said I was very caring and that's why I can do that. Reading your story and others have made me feel better knowing that there are others dealing with this. I hope you will learn to accept your special gifts and know that you are not crazy. There are just people who are chosen to be more sensitive to ghosts, spirits. If you are worried about mental illness go get checked out to rule it out and then you will know for sure. Good luck!
ikaboo (2 stories) (3 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-25)
Its the fact that I'm so skeptical of my dad that is the reason why I don't talk about this with people. The extremely weird things that my mom experienced when she was pregnant than me, people accussed her of being crazy, so she stopped talking about them. My father never stopped talking about the things he'd experienced, and some are so spiritually creepy that it has terrified me to be religious, spiritual or anything. I've spent most of my life believing that something was wrong with him, like everyone else, and aimed to ALWAYS not be like my father. I'm afraid if I accept this, if I start to believe that there is something more to what I have experienced, feeling people's emotions, dreaming things before they happen, seeing shadows, telling soldiers I know who they are having an affair with when they dare me to guess, that I'll be turning coincidence into something extremely creepy like my father. I genuinely came here out of desperation, but I am reading shadow stories that describe beings so close to mine that its eerie. Other people have described dreaming stuff and having it come true, like I experience and like my mom says she experiences off and on. But then I feel these same things make me unstable somehow. I feel weak to the world, and often times drained. Thats the only way I can describe. I will always make sure to focus on my mission and keep myself safe, but I need to do more research. There may be more to this, despite how much I don't want to admit it. I don't want to believe in an after life either, but have had things tell me to be a good person, or when to help people. They don't even speak and I've never seen them. They speak to me through emotion only, through feelings and its easy to understand. Sometimes I even think they may be spirits or something meant to help me. You're all right, I need to educate myself and see if there is more to this aside from insanity. Maybe I wasn't a secretly crazy kid after all, though I always thought I was and kept so many secrets because I was tired of feeling different.
XcitingStuart (3 stories) (28 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-25)
This is my first story read on this website for a while, 'cause I have been really busy. However, I have had premonitions [Seen stuff before they have happened] and you said it's coming back. Well, it might be, work with it, and maybe you can help people with your gifts. I only recently turned 13, might say I'm a bit too young. But I found this website by trying to share what I have seen. Good luck 😁 😁 😁
Barb (3 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-24)
Deployed Soldier

First of all thank you for being over there in the heat the sand and the stress.

My name is Barb and I'm brand new to this site and yours was the first story I have read. It sounds as if you have many "gifts". First and foremost let's establish THIS we psychics are Unusual however we are NOT CRAZY. You are only 20, I have so many years on you and I too thought I was crazy. I am a medium, an empath, I've seen the green glow under my bed, I've seen ghosts and had many experiences over the years.

This gift does seem to be genetic. My 19 year old niece is an empath like me. My daughter, 16, has seen as many strange creatures as you have. It's my hope that she can accept herself as she is and not see herself as "Crazy". You are not Crazy dear soldier because crazy people don't even think that they're crazy.:)

The very first thing you need to do is practice a daily ritual of PROTECTION... This is important. You are fighting a battle every day, you don't need one in your head, too. These "things", whatever they are, can be harmful and I've seen them at work. They love to torture those of us who can see them, you see they can't hide from us. What I was taught at your age was a powerful protection tool of envisioning myself in a sealed bubble, completely safe. You need to defend yourself against these things. Next you need to gradually accept that ok, you are different. Crazy is such a negative term. The rage can be due to your upbringing, your stress level, etc and for those things only you may want to seek out some professional. Get that out of your system. Rebellion, oh don't I know that one well. I'm just now growing up and I'm in my 50's. Do get the anger OUT in any way possible that doesn't hurt you or anyone else... Except the enemy of course. I find in extreme stress thie ability heightens to phenomonal levels. Hang in there, you are not crazy but indeed very gifted. And your Dad might have some insight if he is gifted and you could have a bright future where you help people, but right now you need to learn the basics of protecting yourself.
AnneV (4 stories) (1063 posts) mod
10 years ago (2011-08-24)
If things are flying off walls this doesn't make you or your mother crazy. If they are only flying off the wall in your mind then maybe so but apparently you have witnesses. Most people who are lucid enough to ask if they are crazy are not. It's the ones who do crazy things and don't think twice about it that are more likely to be crazy (I wrote an article on this site called, "Am I crazy?" so read it if you want).

Disappointed in this world? Anyone with any kind of reason and sense should be disappointed with this world, particularly humans that have had paranormal childhoods. How many times did you use the word "crazy" in your article? A lot. And why? Because your reality is different than the reality that society is trying to spoon feed you so in your mind that must make you "crazy". And on top of that, by your own admission, things in Iraq are worse than portrayed so you have that insight as well as to how what is reality and what is told to us don't always match up. Of course you're confused. But you KNOW that what you experienced is real. You KNOW your family has this history. You KNOW what is going on in Iraq. Don't doubt yourself. You have these abilities and experiences and are also trying to cope with a civic duty that most of us would crumble under. Give yourself a break!

This world has gone amuck and is full of angry people. If you want to be "special" then work on improving yourself as a human and rising above the fray. I know this may sound 'out there' to you but you sound like some of your chakras are blocked/overly open or torn. You of course don't have access to any practioner that can help you with this but when you return home, and if it behooves you, you may want to either research and correct this yourself or see someone who can help. Any wild swings usually indicate issues with this. Some babies, and probably you, are even born with tears in their chakras (hence the cranky and overly emotional baby you said you were) and it will affect them for life or until they fix it. Babies just don't cry incessantly for no reason. They have something amiss, even if it's just hunger or discomfort but to continually be so implies a bigger issue. I did a lot of research with Barbara Brennan's work (Hands of Healing Light) and she frequently worked on healing babies that had tears in their chakras, past life issues that were difficult and were brought forth into this one and so on. Your story sounds similar to her work.

Before you can help others, if that is your eventual intention, you've got to first help yourself. Clear this fearful chattery mind, stop calling yourself crazy, get into spiritual health and ask for guidance. You are doing remarkably well considering your circumstances.

As for why this stuff is happening again, it will "happen again" for the rest of your life. You were right when you said certain circumstances mitigate or exacerbate this. War exacerbates it. If you've already got chakras out of balance then this is just going to make your issues and experiences more pronounced.

We are always here for you.
stephyw2001 (3 stories) (108 posts)
10 years ago (2011-08-24)
Have you read that shadow people article yet?
Sorry to hear you're so scared. I'd be scared just being in Iraq. Perhaps you do have an overactive imagination (however, that doesn't make you crazy). Or perhaps you do see these things.
I would take it as a sign that times are hectic and that you need to be watchful. Mind your surroudings. Mind those around you (fellow soldiers) be constantly vigilant. Obviously this is a hard time for you, and your mind is reaching to further places than normal. It does not mean you're crazy.
However, talking to someone is always a good idea. Do you have Chaplans in Iraq? When I was in Korea, they were always helpful. Talk to one of them. Get to know them. Start small, mention you see shadows, and they'll understand. If you get too "visual" too fast with them, they are likely to think you're on some kind of hallucinogenic.:-p (Still doesn't mean you're crazy though).
Considering you've see so much yourself, I'm surprised you call your father crazy. Why is it hard for you to believe him, when you long to have people believe you?
If it is hereditary, you could possibly have a chemical brain imbalance which is why both you and your father see similar things and have similar "experiences". Or, you could have a family history of psychic experiences.
Really, the truth is going to be what you want to believe.
The important thing is you don't live in denial, rule out all possibilities to keep yourself in check, and just be careful in all you do.
Good luck over there! ❤

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