I have chosen to keep this short since it is 3:30am here and I must get back to sleep. Here goes. First off I have no psychiatric disorders or live in any type of fantasy world I see and FEEL things for what they are and I am afraid! Recently while moving here to California from Iowa something "happened" to my fiancé and I, passing through Yuma, Arizona before continuing to San Diego, something I cannot completely realize I can't be sure how long it lasted I had no concept of time and was shaken so never remember looking at a clock. I was in amazement. It was a connection to something although I have NO idea what.
I remember I was hugging my fiancé after we had a long conversation on how we believed in our hearts, our souls that we felt something is about to change. All the sudden we both began to "vibrate" It was like almost meshing into one. I am being truly honest here. I have no clue as I said how long it lasted but it was like there where thousands of us all around sharing this image. How things came to be and how the life cycle started and then continued again. One of the comments I remember hearing was: We can't let them know all at once, it must be slow, and another say "They can't handle it all right away" I would rather not get into some of the things I saw as I really am not crazy and don't wish to be shunned, this is the first time I have had the intestinal fortitude to post the experience anywhere. It really felt like it was the end, I thought my fiancé and I were dying that something must have happened I felt like "our 2 worlds where colliding" He remembers like I do but has gotten different since, he sees ugliness everywhere and hopelessness. I see and Feel OTHERS sadness and pain so much so sometimes it is difficult to leave my home. I KNOW there is something on the horizon I cry about it sometimes as I am afraid for others, my children, loved ones who seem to have NO connection to anything. Although my oldest daughter, one her own has recently begun talking about wanting to surround herself with positive energy and all the negative energy around us.
Here is the part I am afraid I will be called "crazy by the rest of you and something way unrelated that happened MANY years earlier" What if I told you I saw Jesus once stand before me on a slide before I slid down it, he spoke to me and I can remember nothing he said but can even remember the smell in the air, or maybe it was appearing to be Jesus cause at the age of 5 maybe that's all my mind could understand, I even remember my mother 800 yards (not great with space) yelling for me to come in, this has haunted me for years but I dream of it now. She remembers me coming to her crying telling her what he said, but she cannot remember either. I remember everything about that day, that moment, what my mother was wearing!
Throughout my life I have felt something following me, watching, I don't know if it's good/evil. I know sometimes I get instantly angry like I'm ready for a psychic war. It matters not where I have moved, where I have lived it is always there and wants me to know it. This thing has never attacked me-maybe I am nuts
I don't even know if all this is related or separate, I know my mother tells me about when I was even younger telling her about the people in our apartment, scared her half to death.
I have gone my entire adult life ignoring things and pretending. This experience in Yuma was something, something very strange. My fiancé even said it sounded for a bit like I was speaking different but he could understand me. That I was relating things back and forth, he heard the same and our experiences seem to match almost exactly.
After quite a bit he wanted to go outside and I begged him not to open the door I thought for sure he was going to die- I think I was just really frightened.
I'm not a Christian, I don't go to church, and I can read myself. Until we came here I was a healthy recent nursing graduate. Now I have lupus, RA, hypothyroidism, and liver issues. Like I said before I refuse to speculate-that is what drives people insane, but something has happened and is happening to me. Why am I feeling others pain and not just a little, like most of the time when they are hurting in their hearts I feel it physically. I really don't understand much of it.
I would love to go into the Yuma experience more but worry about what you =the person reading this may think. I would actually love to be hypnotized to re-live it and speak it out loud.
Anyway, I have no idea if ANYONE has answers for me or if I really am alone, if you do please, please help: Advice, Insight, Anything!