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Past Self, New Self

 

I came to this site, because I am trying to get it. I am trying to be honest, for the first time ever. I am not saying I am a liar. But I mean be honest about what I have had to do, to keep my secret hidden. My mother worked in the psychiatric ward of a hospital and my dad worked with runaways and misfits. They both told me to my face I am the one person on this earth they could never understand, or get into my head. I had to learn early, not to trust a soul with me secret. I learned early to steady my hands, so to speak, and steady my voice, until it quivered no more. I learned very early, in just the years of what should have been fun and making friends, to keep people at arms length. I see the show psychic kids. I feel a glimmer of envy rise, because I wish I could have been helped like that, but I also wish I could have been brave like they were, to show their faces on television, when I didn't even have the courage to look up during class. I hid my horror behind flat sarcasm and being the slacker, the joker in class, but in reality I was scared most of the time. I soon found I could seal my emotions away, like they were behind a door that I could lock. Not to be cliche, but it was like I sealed away part of my soul, the part that would cry and be afraid and weak, I refused to allow it to happen anymore, but soon everything ceased to matter. I looked at everything in black and white, and it became easy to use logic, and find the most efficient way to handle a situation with the littlest effort. Not to be even more cliche, but I was like Sam in Supernatural, when he didn't have a soul. I was cold, and callus, and I was smart. No emotion to hinder me. People were never around me long enough to know me, nor for me to really care. Until last year. I met someone who was just like me and suddenly everything I had blocked off with such ease, suddenly busted through the walls I had built. Yes, it is a boy, and yes we are an item now but we at first hated each other, but even when we feuded, he had broken down the walls I carefully constructed to keep everyone at bay. The point is when I hid, I was never really happy, I was only existing, and finally after 23 years of hiding, I am finally able to open up bit by bit, about what I am. Though I want to be able to define it, and control it, I am accepting it. Some people call me emotionally damaged, and to be honest, that is probably true, but I mend myself in my own ways. This site is one of them.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, GeneX, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Renee99 (1 stories) (9 posts)
 
6 years ago (2013-08-16)
I know the feeling of not being able to tell anyone... I'm 14 and when I was in grade 7 I told and showed my then best friend what I could do because I thought I could trust her. She promised not to tell, then proceeded to tell almost everyone in our grade and they all thought I was a lying freak who was now more than just a nerd, and they all kept their distance from me. Thankfully for me though, my mother and my younger sister are also psychic, so I don't have to worry about being scorned at home. My father also thought I was crazy and actually took me to a councillor because he and my step mum thought my mum was putting crazy ideas in my head...
It's great to hear that you are coming out of your shell, I hope that one day I might find a friend who's like me and that I can finally be open with them about my abilities.
All the best!
Renee xoxo
Explosion123 (33 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-23)
(Sorry if that sounded a little harsh... It wasn't meant to.)
FairiesFlight (48 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-22)
GeneX ~ Wow. I went back and read your previous posts. You have been through a lot. I look at my kids that I encourage and help enhance these abilities then read about you having to go through this alone. Your parents sadly did not/ do not understand this. However I am glad you did find someone who is supportive of you and your abilities in your everyday life.

I can not help you with your past, yet I feel it is a large part of who you are. I am glad you are able to heal and express yourself now.

Keep us informed with any additional feelings or dreams. We will be here to support you with the love that is needed and deserved by all.

Best wishes to you
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-22)
[at] Onipsychic. Well don't worry about how experiences are minor or major. You will become more strong as time passes. About how will you know who you should be talking about your experiences, when you talk to someone you will get a feeling that you should talk to him or her. Seriously you can't hide these things forver and besides your sharing of experiences might help others who are confused about their abilities.
[at] Explosion. We can tell our parents about our experiences if they listen to us, not laugh at us. As already mentioned I tried to tell them about my experiences and they made me wish I never told them anything. Lol what you are saying is based on your experience then that's great. You see you can't find everyone broad minded around sometimes. Thats a problem indeed.
ONIpsychic (1 stories) (17 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-21)
[at] Explosion123. I agree, but that's just how I talk.

Now about telling your parents. What experience do you have with regards to this? All previous comments have been people giving advice, but speaking from experience. I'm not sorry to say that if you don't have this experience, I recognize your opinion as null and encourage GeneX to do the same.
Explosion123 (33 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-21)
(Just so you know, you can talk normally instead of all "Poemly" and "Epicly"...)
Well...all I can say is, just tell you're parents, it should be easy.
ONIpsychic (1 stories) (17 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-21)
[at] Mubashir. May I point out that I have some some of the easiest experiences through my secret compared to others? Please don't pity me.

As for telling someone who's been through these things - one flaw. S/He would have learned to not trust others with his/her secret also, therefore, how would they be found?
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-21)
[at] Onipsychic. Sure I am following you. Well that pretty bad that this happened to you. Just tell about your experiences to a wise, broad minded guy who has experienced such things himself. If you tell this stuff to a normal guy, you know already what's going to happen then.lol
ONIpsychic (1 stories) (17 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-21)
My personal experiences about my secrets are similar. I tried telling (very select members of) my family, they took me seriously but still thought I was insane. They made a point of avoiding it thereafter.

As for friends, I told... One guy, once. The "joke" spread incredibly fast but died almost as quickly.

[at] Mubashir...Are you following me?
Mubashir (285 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-21)
Wow that was pretty cool story indeed. I never tell anything about my experience to my family because I know they will make fun of me. Lol Once I told my big brother about my few experiences, he laughed it off and called me psychotic, next time when my big sis was having a baby, my mom asked me what it would be, a baby boy or a baby girl and I said it would be a baby boy. She said laughing that I must have heard that from her but I didnt. Lol Although I was a bit annoyed by they attitude but I don't mind much because I know that I am surrounded by narrow minded people. So I avoid telling my family about my experiences but I only tell such stuff to my friends and they understand this stuff too. I agree with kittykat and do what she says.
kittykat6 (4 stories) (45 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-21)
This is a hard world. I too have been struggling, as I'm sure just about everyone has. Be grateful you have found someone to help you, and try to look for a better future. Don't let anything anyone else says hurt you. I know this sounds like empty words, but why does it matter what anyone else says or thinks of you? If they have a problem with anything, too bad for them, they can deal with it. It has absolutely no affect on you.
ONIpsychic (1 stories) (17 posts)
 
7 years ago (2012-04-20)
GeneX, you say 23 years of hiding? That must have been... Hell. Everything you've described up there is me, except that I'm only 17. I'm glad that you've found a way to heal, as I search for my own.

[at] AnneV, a very accurate observation from my experiences. May I also note the increasing stress levels and "depression rate," if it may be reduced to such insensitive terms. Our entire society is piling more and more every day. I can only see one eventual outcome of this - most everyone reverting to ancient, informal mindsets (for example, laws meaning nothing, just the law of the street) except with better weapons. Strangely, part of me wants that...
AnneV (4 stories) (1035 posts) mod
 
7 years ago (2012-04-20)
The way society is constructed I'm amazed every child, young adult isn't depressed and withdrawn. Most intelligent children find that they can see through this veil and yet are expected to live in line with it. I never had children but if I had, I would let them flower to be exactly who they felt they should be whether that was gay, straight, psychic, non psychic, artist, left brain, whatever. I read over and over from these posts all the fear humans put other humans through. It's really quite tragic. "What will my parents say?" "People made fun of me." "I can't talk to anyone." People shut down because we're so terrified of being different and the hateful repercussions that come from that. Sad.

Well, welcome and know that you will always be respected and safe here. I try and foster a caring site where you can just be you!

I hope things go well with you and your boyfriend. What a great thing to have. Life is rough enough on its own but it definitely helps to have someone walking the path with you.

Anne

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