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Empathic Depression


I have been trying to deal with my "condition " by ignoring it. I don't enjoy feeling what others feel, though I am grateful that I can help them. I've been dating a girl who is literally the sweetest, most caring, loving person I could have ever asked for. But she has depression problems. And now, I'm "leeching" them from her. She's so happy and always smiling now and I see this woman who hasn't been happy in years. But its affecting me badly. I have even had to triple or quadruple my antidepressant dosage. I can't bring myself to leave her because I honestly love her, but I don't know what to do, because I can't feel like this forever. It's so bad that I've been dreaming horrid things that keep me from sleeping. I am physically and mentally drained. I used to work out constantly to help get rid of these negative energies, but I can't even find the energy to drive to the gym, let alone exercise. And though I haven't gained weight I know it's close to start happening again, even though I don't have an appetite.

I'm to the point where it's a struggle to not begin abusing alcohol and drugs again. (I had a history and finally stopped) and I find myself reaching towards alcohol or any other substance I can use to get it to stop. Please help. I'd appreciate any input, except telling me to leave her. To be honest, if I have to feel like this forever just to see her happy and not hurting, I'll deal with it one way or another. Anything but that. It may sound picky, but if you had known the things she had went through and her doubts and you finally seem her truly happy, I think you'd make the same decision. Its our nature as empaths, isn't it? To put others before us.

Thank you for taking time to read this, and like I said earlier, I'd appreciate any input or help.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Konrad_Curze, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Konrad_Curze (4 stories) (8 posts)
11 years ago (2012-10-18)
I just want to thank you all. It means a lot to me, because at the moment I am literally drained. Just reading all your advice and it is the first thing to make me smile in days. Thank you
Nagual (guest)
11 years ago (2012-10-17)
I tried the advice from kittykat6, with fingers interlocking, done so before, but a recommendation helps my belief in it's validity. I see that it works, instant effect.

Concerning psychic vampires, it's quite common survival technique. We all do, in varying degrees exchange energy. However, the more depressed people are, the more energy they take in.

So you are left with two choices, either learn to block energy. Or help hear clear it out. By working through it yourself. I borrowed a crystal necklace once, which made me very depressed. Filled with so many dark energies. Dark as in Affirming sorrow instead of joy. The moment I took it off, it left me.

As I realized it wasn't my own feelings, I took it on again and started embracing the sadness in it, healing it by sharing my perspective of life. I can only imagine how happy I would be, if I could embrace my own feelings with the same kindness I show others.

However, there is a downside into taking in others energy and solving their problems. They have to repeat the mistakes again. You can end up becoming an externalization of their power, making others dependent on you. It is indeed a hard lesson to accept that others must too walk in the dark and find their own light, source of power. Because any external source of light/power is only temporarily...

The selfless empath, and draining narcissist are both in dissonance. The first devaluing his light, by giving it away. The second, blind of his own light.

I urge you to find your limits in sharing energy, and stick with it. You can learn as I did, the hard way, through many mistakes of giving too much... Know that human beings have that light, love, you are able to give somewhere within, so trust me when I say that they are able to survive on their own. Life does not let anybody come into this world, without everything they need in their backpack. Its that simple...
Tyler86 (3 stories) (41 posts)
11 years ago (2012-10-17)
One way to heal yourself is to spend time alone in solitude. Take time out from the rest of the world. Your body needs to heal. If you don't allow yourself to heal you may encounter a deep state of depression. And, if an Empath is depressed, they are victimized.

You and I both know this. We are Empaths. When Empaths are single we are confident, joyous, happy go lucky, optimistic, balanced and just alive. It is when we indulge in relationships that we start to slowly lose our power. Do you know why? We lose our power because we live to love and we love with all we have. When an Empath is in a relationship their partners happiness is all that matters. The Empath will slowly start to care less about themselves until it reaches a point where they actually become 100% self-less. It isn't anyone's fault. There is no one to blame. It is just who we are.

However, when an Empath becomes developed their curse of empathy becomes a valuable gift all would love to have. The main part of development is getting to know yourself again. Spend time alone and allow yourself to sit in meditation and just breath. Let your mind clear and become silent. You will want to bring your focus within your center (heart area) to observe the emotions within it. Allow yourself to indulge in these emotions. Whether, it is a painful feeling, or calming feeling, let these feelings overwhelm your body. Once you allow yourself to acknowledge these emotions they will be cleared from your meridian bodies. Do this technique with each chakra within your body.

The main keys for Empath Healing is, one, learning to tune into our emotional body, two, learning to distinguish our own emotions from those of others, three, learning to truly love who we are by showing ourselves appreciation and gratitude.
Tyler86 (3 stories) (41 posts)
11 years ago (2012-10-16)
I agree with the statement below. You are an Empath and she seems to be feeding off of your empathic nature.

You see, Empaths has a strong vibrational energy that radiates love, purity, healing, confidence, balance and power. These energies are what causes us to attract our polar opposites, the Narcissists or sociopaths.

Narcissists are people that have not a single ounce of empathy. Instead, they live off their sympathy. They usually gain attention through the sharing of something, either, traumatic or about something dealing with success. Either way, narcissists live only for themselves and always will.

As you may know, Empaths, that are undeveloped, will always fall for the sympathy game. The Narcissists knows this and uses it to it's advantage. If the Empath doesn't notice the deception ahead of time they will fall into a trap that will be ever so hard to escape from.

Narcissist and Sociopaths live off the energy of the Empath. They actually drain the Empath purposely to recharge themselves. Often times, the sociopath will start to become more alive with confidence, while the Empath is left drained, insecure and depressed.

Empaths will forever be the perfect victims for Narcissists. Empaths are empathetic and spend all of their energy to make others happy.
kittykat6 (4 stories) (45 posts)
11 years ago (2012-10-16)
Hi. Not to be blunt, but I really can't see any other way to say this. I think your girlfriend may be an unawakened psychic vampire. If you have never heard of them before, or are not completely sure on them, I can explain it to you in detail later.

I am not saying this to alarm you. In fact, you shouldn't freak out because of this. She is not out to harm you. She doesn't even know what she may be doing to you, because, like I said, if she is a psychic vampire, she is unawakened.

Psychic vampires aren't really as scary as they sound. They aren't out to get you, and they won't attack you. Most aware psychic vampires search out willing donors to help them rather than attacking people (of course there are the cases when you get one that has just awakened and doesn't realize they are doing something wrong) and the unaware ones only do it on accident.

To figure out whether she really is one or not, I'd say you should try some protection techniques. If you stop feeling the depression, she might have been the cause of it. If not, then that's probably not the case.

There is a quite simple one called the finger-locking technique. You form rings by touching your middle finger and thumb of each hand together, and interlocking the 'rings' that it forms. When you're doing this, you have to BELIEVE the protection will work. That's the most important part. Eventually, with practice, you will be able to do this without locking your fingers.

I can teach you more techniques or give you links if you would like. Another good one is programming a crystal if you know how to do that.

If you feel comfortable with it, you might want to ask her about it. Maybe explain to her what a psychic vampire is if she doesn't already know, but protection techniques should work fine.

If she is a psychic vampire, helping her realize that would be a good idea because then she would be able to control what she's doing, and stop hurting you.

If it turns out that she is a psychic vampire, this is NOT SOMETHING YOU SHOULD LEAVE HER FOR! She would still be the exact same person you had always known, and it would be terrible to leave her over a simple condition that she has.

Just restating, I am not sure of this (heck, I've never met her), but it sounds like it may be the case. Even HER depression is explained. Unawakened psy-vamps often feel deep sadness or loneliness because they are not absorbing energy correctly.

Hope this helped. Please don't think I'm crazy, and if you have any questions, feel free to just ask.
NovaStayer47 (guest)
11 years ago (2012-10-16)
Hello, I may be a 14 year old but I am an empath too (and a Wiccan) and I know how you feel. I have a best friend who is depressed too and I always pick up on her feelings. My friend had a terrible childhood experience and she sometimes loses it and freaks out. Even though I live in the next town over I can still feel what shes feeling since we are so close in friendship. Read my experience if you want too, and I'm very sorry of what you are going through. I don't have much to say as of helping you from stop feeling, as I am still trying to figure it out myself. I constantly feel like I should help people too (as you said in a comment) Honestly I love to help people but I never put myself first and sometimes I neglect my own well-being. I hope maybe you can relate to my experience and I hope you find help.
Mike22 (3 posts)
11 years ago (2012-10-15)

I know where you are coming from, seriously! It may sound odd but I am going through the exact same thing right now. The woman is a 44 years old virgin who has never had a boyfriend. She is an avid church goer and she had only been kissed once by a family friend a year ago. So needless to say she is pretty naive. She has always felt unattractive and has battled depression since her father's death a year ago.

She was actually a customer of mine who I had always liked. When she did finally come to visit with her glasses off I began to read her. My empath ability is very strong when I look in someones eyes. I read and felt all the hurt in her heart, and trust me, it was enough to make me cry. I'm not sure if it was God or my higher self, but something told me that this woman truly needed my help. It was a matter of life and death. At the time I was actually dating someone else so I kind of stayed back. Then one night my girlfriend canceled on me and then me and this women went out as friends.

On this date I asked her to remove her glasses, she had no idea about my ability at this time. Needless to say, she caught on when I began telling her things about her life that I shouldn't have known. I'm not sure if this happens to most empaths but when I read or help someone they always fall in love with me and I definitely grow feelings for them. I am very careful with who I help because of this issue, and of course I have only helped women.

I guess its obvious that me and her began a relationship together and she immediately got better. Her family even commented on how happy she was, what a great mood she was in, and she stopped taking all meds. I was fine in the beginning because since I was helping her the positive energy strengthened my ability. That only lasted for bout 3 months. Eventually whoever told me that she needed me now said that I was not to pursue any form of physical affection. See that was the thing, I was told to help her, not to fall in love with her or even to begin a relationship with her.

She caught on when we didn't kiss anymore and I could sense that she wanted to give herself to me physically. This is when her depression started to come back. She wanted more of me but I knew that I was not suppose to take it any further. I immediately started to get sick and still am as of today, its been 2 months now and I've suffered from back and shoulder pain and I've had the worst allergies ever. If I stayed away from her for a couple of days things began to get better. Only 5 minutes into being visited by her all the ailments came back. That's when I new for sure it was her causing my illness.

I view being an Empath as a duty and sometimes it can be an honor. Its my duty to uphold the knowledge of ones life path no matter what hurt it might cause me or them. I once gave up my high school sweet heart, broke her heart and mine because of this knowledge, needless to say I looked her up recently and she is doing excellent. She is a district manager at a high end clothing store. That future would not have been so if I had been selfish and looked out for my own good.

That's the thing you have to learn, being able to connect with your higher self or God for some, to determine what is the right thing to do. Strangely enough for empaths, emotion has to be taken out of the equation. It will only cloud your judgement and confuse you.

It is also my duty too bring her down as gently as possible but not to my own detriment. If you are truly an Empath, you are not here to help just that one soul, you are her to help many. How helpful can you be if you're ill? Your ability can be drained down and it will take years to recover. So is she worth the 5-10 others that you are suppose to help during that time? Trust me I had to answer these questions myself. I won't lie to you I love her, but I do have a responsibility to all the other lives and souls that I am supposed to help.

One empath to another, you should also consider the fact that she could have an attachment which is feeding on you, trying to suppress your ability. This is a huge possibility with people who suffer from depression. It is not always easy to detect an attachment in someone we care about, we tend to ignore the signs out of love. But who does that help?

Sometimes an empath has to call it quits for their own safety. If her soul is destined to be saved another empath will find her. Sometimes empaths need help, some we just can't help on our own. It sounds as though you need to find your higher self and become attuned to what is truly your part in her life. You must ask yourself are you in love with her or is it your ability that is giving you that feeling.

I truly love the woman I am speaking of but I know that I have done my part in her recovery. I know that I will always love her but that is the extent of what our relationship is supposed to be. So I am not telling you to dump her, I'm telling you to find your higher self before you are totally drained, and find out what your part in her path truly is. Just so you know I still haven't been able to let her down easily, she won't let go. But sometimes we have to do what we have to do no matter what.
vergil117 (guest)
11 years ago (2012-10-12)
Hey man, i'm here for you, I sometimes feel the same way. If someone is negative, that negativity gets me depressed all day long. I'm still depressed as I write this, but I control it. I help people who truly need it, a way you can help is do things that make you happy, go places, whatever you enjoy, whether it be playing video games, going to see a movie or walking down the street, whatever it is that makes you happy. If you want to talk more my email is biohazardzombie17 [at]
Konrad_Curze (4 stories) (8 posts)
11 years ago (2012-10-11)
Thank you, much for your advice. I appreciate it. To be honest, I just wish it would go away. I didn't ask for this. I constantly feel like I have to help people, no matter the cost or time.
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
11 years ago (2012-10-11)
There is no point in leaving your girlfriend because what is "depressing" is everywhere. With or without a depressed partner an empath is still going to be affected by what's going on in this world. And I don't just mean on an international level, but everywhere. And if you're an empath, it's quadruple the stress. Unless an empath lives on a deserted island and has no access to mankind, you're going to suffer considerably. This plane of existence is suffering, war, disasters, disease, pollution, chaos and so on.

So how is an empath supposed to cope without going insane? I wrote some tips on the articles page (How to cope with being an empath: but one thing to keep in mind is that you are in first grade. First grade is very difficult but it has a purpose and frankly, is necessary. All this suffering serves a purpose. It's outside of most of our comprehension but it is there for a reason. So the problem with empaths is that they take the negative side of story and concentrate on that. They don't realize that there is a positive outcome (ultimately) to this and to not get caught up in the drama and the story. The low level side of the story is "bad". The higher purpose to the bad is good. It may be time to rethink your philosophy about negative things. You say you dream "horrible" things. Rethink this to "I dream of things that promote growth and because of that, it has to be difficult. If it was not difficult, the lesson would not be attained".

I see difficult things all over the place. It's in our faces 24x7. But I see the higher purpose, the work that humans have to do, the evolution. That is the cure to your depression. You cannot cure the world but you can cure your thinking about the world (or yourself, or your girlfriend or your friends). An excellent author who does a much better job at helping with this is Byron Katie (in particular her book called Loving What Is). If you can take the time to read it, you may get what I'm saying. I don't speak about this from just having read a book, I speak from the same place you're coming from because I was there too at one point. It was as acute for me as it is for you.


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