I have had experience with the paranormal since as far back as I can remember. My earliest memory of this was around age 3. We lived in an older house and it was just my mother and I most of the time as my father worked on the road. When my father did come home every once in a while, I would have to sleep in my own room, as I usually was allowed to sleep with my mother. One night in particular rings in my memory. My father was home and I was in my bedroom, across the hallway from my parents room. Both doors were open and the house was dark and silent. I watched as a dark, tall, figure walked into my bedroom from the hall way and across the back wall of my room. I was only 3, but very much aware that this was a spirit. It did not feel like a happy one, either. It was angry and dark. This spirit would harass me often in this house. Whenever my father was home and I was forced to sleep in my room, it would come to scare me. During the day time, it would also appear only to stand in the corner. Sometimes, on the nights that my father was home, I would hear something running up and down the hallways during the early morning hours. Even though after a while I cried my way into my parents bedroom on those nights, I wasn't quite as scared as a 3 year old child with these experiences should be. There were occasions in which my mother would find me speaking to no one. I knew this spirit was dark and quite ill-spirited, but for some reason I did not feel as if it was going to harm me, only scare me. While living in the house, I vividly remember the police being at our house. Someone had found fragments of human bones in our driveway. The bones were never identified or explained.
After about 18 months, we moved out of the house and into another. This time, there was written record of the previous dark happenings in this place. Apparently, several years before our arrival there had been a young woman living in the house that took pleasure in self suffocation. One night, she had fastened a belt around her neck and passed out before she was able to remove it. I didn't know anything about this until after my experience with whom I believe to be this woman. I was only 6 but was completely not scared of her presence. She did not speak, she did not scare. She stayed silent and often motionless, but she was there. Even as a 6 year old, I knew of the presence even when I did not physically see her. I think she liked me for some reason. I think she felt good having someone else there. My brother was a typical brother however and as soon as he learned of her death in the house, he began trying to scare me with it. I wasn't scared, but shortly after his taunting, she disappeared and I no longer sensed her anymore.
When I was 8, we moved up the street to another house, much nicer to us. It was a beautiful house and many of my childhood memories took place in it. By this age, I had accepted the presence of ghosts and spirits as normal and didn't consider myself any different from other children. It was also a topic that was common amongst my family. Many stories of such sightings that went back generations. So, we all considered it normal. Upon moving in here, there were a few months that went by with nothing unusual occurring. Then, it all started when we made an unusual discovery. In my mother's bedroom, inside the closet (small closet), there was a tiny little door. It stood about 2 1/2 feet tall and was about 3 feet wide. We opened it and it appeared to be a small storage space. So we thought nothing of it and continued on with life. But after that, I started sensing much paranormal activity. Suddenly, you couldn't be on the second floor without feeling as if someone was watching you. My brother and I were very sensitive to this and because of our fear (it wasn't a pleasant feeling at all), decided we would sleep together on blankets in the floor of our computer room, upstairs beside our parent's room. The feeling of eyes on you never seized, but we slept okay knowing we weren't alone. That's when I started sleeping with the covers up over my face, something I still do to this day. I just knew if I looked out, whatever this was would be there. One night, we went to sleep like usual in this room. Early in the morning, we woke up to a loud crash and a shattered glass on the floor, inches from our heads. There was a glass jar sitting on the dresser in the room, right at our heads, where we had made our bed of blankets. It was in the middle of the dresser when we went to sleep and had somehow been slid off right into the floor. We have no explanation for this. A couple nights later, we were throwing a ball in the hallway up stairs when the mood became increasingly eerie and my brother and I both took immediate notice in the shift of the mood. It felt as if someone had just walked into the hallway and their presence loomed heavily among us. We avoided it my abandoning our game and going else where in the house and trying to brush it off. A couple of days later, we decided to look in the small little room again in my mom's closet. We opened the door and crawled in. There were silverfish every where and the smell was musty, like an old house. We noticed that at the bottom of one of the walls was a small crawl space. When we showed this to my dad, he thought this was odd and that it could mean this little room was more than just storage space. One day, he and I crawled under the wall and what we discovered stumped us all. On the other side of this crawl space it opened up into a full-size room. It was empty and dark, but it was obvious that there was more to this little space. While being in the space, I felt almost suffocated, but I thought it was just due to all the dust in the room and potential allergies. Several night later, my brother and I went to sleep in our usual room only for me to be awoken in the early morning, freezing and slumped over the bed I had abandon in my own room. It was a water bed but had no heater on since I no longer slept in it. I had never slept walked before and this seemed very different than just sleep walking. When I woke up, I didn't feel alone and even at 8, I felt violated, as if someone had brought me there against my will. There was also broken glass on the floor that could never be explained. I ran back to where my brother was sleeping and hid under the covers until morning. Things seemed to be escalating. But, for the next few months- nothing happened. There were the occasional moments of uneasiness but compared to what we'd been dealing with on a daily basis, it wasn't bad. Then, a 15 year old girl, who was a friend of my brothers, committed suicide in our small little community. Her death was directly followed by a bomb threat to our high school from some fellow students. The entire school system, every school, was on lock down. After being released after several hours, my grandmother checked me out. I had awoken that morning feeling unexplainable saddened. When I learned of the girl's death, it all began to come together. I began having visions of what she had done. I became so sad, so overwhelmed and I cried and cried. I remember asking God to help me to experience the pain she felt because I could not understand it all and I wanted to. I then became scared that I had asked for something I didn't want and apologized to God, saying that I was sorry for asking that but that I was so sad for her and that if he could just tell her how sorry I was, it would help me a lot. My brother later confided in me that he had really liked this friend and his heart hurt for our loss. That night, I had a vivid dream that seemed real. I dreamed I went to the bathroom of my house and opened the closet. There was the girl starring at me. She looked pale and sad. She said to me " I need James' (my brother) help to get to the next world". Those were her words exactly. Then I woke up. I was very bothered by this dream. It stuck with me so heavily. I told my brother that very day. 2 days later, I had another dream, only this one seemed much happier. I saw my brother walking the girl through a tunnel, and that was the end of it. I never heard from her again but get chills every time I tell the story. I know it sounds unbelievable but I truly feel like she sought my help from the beyond the grave.
We eventually moved into another house when I was about 11. Up to this very day, I still have dreams and even nightmares that take place in that house. Some are unpleasant and bothersome. But they seem to lessen as time goes by. Still, so much paranormal happenings have taken place since then. They even happened in our next house, any every house after that. From feeling emotions of other, hearing voices, names, doors closing, feeling the sudden presence of others, doors locking and mysteriously unlocking, the sudden knowledge of information you shouldn't know, psychic dreams, seeing images in the cornor of my eye, etc. Too many to tell them all. I've always been aware that I wasn't alone. I've always been drawn to the paranormal. I'm starting to see that it may not be the houses I'm in, but rather just me. At night, I still sleep with the blankets over me, leave at least one light on until my husband comes to bed, and avoid darkness because I am certain there are others that will and do come in the dark. I wish I could use this gift for good instead of hiding and running from it, but I'm honestly afraid.
When my husband's grandfather (the man that raised them in his house throughout the entirity of their lives) died, I felt his spirit often. My sister-in-law was pregnant at the time and she bought her grandfather's house and started her family there. When we were ever in the house, especially after the birth of her child, I would see their grandfather with my mind's eye just sitting. One day, he came to me with a message and I felt anxious and compelled to relay it to my sister-in-law, regardless of whether or not she thought I was crazy. So I started. But as soon as I started, it just kept coming. I was relaying a message from someone else about things I had no idea about. A message I did not put together or have any input on, but yet it came from me and I have no idea how. I became emotional and felt what he was feeling. Telling her he loved her. She was skeptical at first, but after a minute... She was crying and asking him questions through me, and he answered them through me. She has since then sensed him often.
A friend of mine passed away very young from cancer a few months ago and even though we weren't close and hadn't spoken in a few years, I was very traumatized by it. I was sad and scared and constantly wondered what he was feeling as he fought and lost his battle to cancer. He died at 26. I was unable to attended his funeral, but now visit his grave when I get the change. I swear he comes around sometimes. Sometimes I speak to him because I feel like he can hear me. I feel an internal dialogue at times with him and even feel like we still have a friendship. I know I'm not crazy, even if others think I am. I once heard that we are spiritual beings in human form. This to me, explains so much. I feel that there is so much we don't know about the human spirit but that it is miraculous and mysterious to say the least. I believe God has a plan that we cannot understand, but will be revealed in time.
Sorry, this is so long. I just wanted to get some feedback from others about my experiences. Should I use this gift regularly? How do I overcome the fear?