A little about my personal habits. I would go to bed as clean as possible. I would shower at night and change into clean clothes. I kept my bed as clean as possible, sleeping in freshly laundered bedding. I would only lay on top of my bedding in unclean clothes and body. I was relaxed and in a comfortable state of mind. I was awoken by screams asking for help. I asked the voices "who are you, how do I help you?" I was afraid of speaking too loudly as my parents were in the bedroom beside mine. I didn't want them to think I was talking to myself. I got a strange image in my mind of the sun rising.
I lied back down trying to relax and wondering why is was so silent as though I lived in a ghost town, I also remember something which wasn't there but it sounded like a horn of some sort. I got up a short while later and got ready for school. I got ready which took me about 30 minutes. I sat down on the couch and was watching the news. I barely caught the few minutes before the plane crashed into the world trade building. The view from the camera was the the same orange of the sun rising. I knew then why it was so silent. The thing that struck me as odd was, why were they asking me for help? What was I to do? That day continued with an odd silence in the air.
I was laying in my Mother's bed and she was watching a documentary on 9/11. I was really tired and was faintly listening. I got this strange icy feeling all over my body and it was as though I was experiencing death. I could hear the screams in my mind and it was terrifying. I started to shiver and cry uncontrollably. It was agonizing experiencing all that pain. I got an image in my mind of a dark green screen and it was as though I was on the plane myself. I was viewing things from a right hand corner view in the plane. I can see the back of peoples' heads.
Today I often find myself drawn to crystals and metals. If I take them off I experience anxiety. I feel a tightness in my chest. I feel as though something terrible is going to happen. I also see a vague image that is green and slightly aglow in my mind. I find it difficult to be natural. The fear is so intense. I usually quickly find some amulet of some sort to protect me from the pain. My mind tells me to live with it but I'm not sure that is the right thing to do. I hope in writing about it I can find some resolve. It's scary experiencing terror. In a way I feel it interferes with the quality of my life. The tightness in my chest and the fear. I feel afraid to step outside without a stone of protection or protective metal. It puts me on a different wave length. I feel as though naturally without the influence of metals or crystals people won't like me, as though there is hatred for me. I feel terror in my heart. I think I will try a week natural without any metals or protective crystals. Why should I try to run from it. I feel as though I need to embrace the scariness. So difficult to breath though.