I have no idea where I should begin, so I guess the beginning;
As a child I always had dreams that were vivid with colour. There were like projections of movies you would see in the theatre and as HD as any television quality. Most were lyrical in the aspect in which they were light and fun. Purposed more for entertainment and then some were dark in which I would see the people around me, family, harmed.
The first telling of this phenomenon is when I was a child of four. I can not remember but my aunt had told me that we were driving in the car one day and I looked to her and told her she was going to get shot. Long story short, a few months later she had been shot by an ex after they had separated.
I had a family friend, who had no reason to, that would take me with her and her daughter to a sweat lodge. She was spiritual and was adamdant that I come along.
I had dreams, that come on and off in which I'll dream of a situation or a picture and ill wake afterwards. Then a few days, weeks and months later it will occur and I would remember because it would be the oddest things. I always chalked it up to Deja vu.
I had always been fascinated by the spiritual and paranormal and was lucky born into a family who was open minded with/about it. My mother calls herself a witch, but she follows no forms of practice. My mother told me while she was pregnant she fell nearly tumbled down the stairs but she felt someone psychically pull her upright so she did not.
As I got older I was still fascinated but payed less and less attention to this part of my life.
Then around 16 it started to happen again, only now I was picking up more similarities and coincidences. It started again after I had met up with the family friend from the sweat lodge. I hugged her before I left and all of a sudden I felt this shiver and thought that she was sick and it was going to be the last time I had saw her.
Two months later she found out she had stage four cancer, I can't remember what kind and she ended up in a hospice almost immediately and she passed away the day after my birthday.
As I got a little older I thought I was going crazy for thinking it could be anything special and again chalked it up to coincidence. However one day at work a lady come up to me and started talking about how a woman came up to her and said she was a medium. The lady had a relative that had just passed and wanted to relay the message.
I thought it was just strange and about 20 minutes later I looked up and saw a woman and knew it was the woman and I asked her as such and she said she was.
Before my first semester of college my mother had a psychic party and I went. The psychic said I was psychic but I was skeptical.
Now, after my first year of college I had lost another close two relatives pretty much back to back and never grieve. One of them I would see on the flashes of their faces for a moment. Or look up and see them for a moment or would feel them walking with me at night. I felt peace.
I ended up rolling into a rapid depression and ended up being diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I went away to a relatives that lived in the middle of nowhere and I just suddenly thought I was connecting with angels.
I started doing research and looked up on it and decided to focus my attention on it. Soon synchronizes started appearing as I tried to communicate. However I have never been great at deciphering any of them since most of them are symbols and I think it frustrates the guides (what I call the angels because it feels odd to do so) So I started buying crystals for meditating, tarots and a pendulum. I started noticing certain animals re-occurring in words or in flesh such as black birds, Cardinals, Humming birds, Dragonflies, butterflies, bees and even cats who usually never paid attention to me now take interest in me. As of late those animals are Wolves, Tigers, Elephants and whales.
However I feel like I have picked up an negative energy and don't really know what to do with it anymore. I bought sage to cleanse but they only bother me while I'm sleeping. Usually in experiences of Sleep paralysis. I think the negative aspect is more based on fear then anything else.
I. Not sure if I should mention it or not but it seems like it might be helpful. I am attracted by old buildings, architectures and history. I grew up in an old house with a spirit, I currently go to a school that was an old, closed psychiatric hospital and now I coincidentally have a placement at a hospice.
I am afraid that this is all ego talking but I would like an opinion on it because I'm not so sure.
All of it is so all over the place, little bits of different clairs and some what chaotic but in a slow progression.
I do, or atleast think I do, accept this part of myself and have tried researching but apart from meditating, there has been pretty much no advancement and I feel like I am just picking up signs and not knowing how to break them down to understand its meaning.
I can not even begin to describe how parallel our lives are in terms of similarities. My family, although spiritually open minded seem to have doubts or disbelieve over everything I am/ have experienced. I do remember seeings some shadows as a child too, but I don't remember fearing them and they just stopped.
I am hands down with the third eye images. Some of them connect enough to come up with something general. My latest one is a cobblestones arch with a hanging black light on the side with red flowers underneath in a half barrel. Connected to the image is either a spindle wheel or an rotary. - still can't figure this one out.
The sleep paralysis also is terrifying. The first time I felt something digging into my back and found I was sleeping on the feather, then I was psychically jolted like someone pulled my hand out of the dream and I was frozen. The rest of my dreams that night I felt woken but nicks or scratches felt on my back.
The one that scared me most was I thought I had woken up and heard a noise in my apartment. I remember thinking it ridiculous and rolled over. Then all of a sudden there was a shadow over me with its hand on my mouth or nose and I couldn't breathe and I remember struggling to wake up and then I did and again I was frozen.
Smudging doesn't seem to help all that much and I reeeeeally hope this is NOT the energy that has been following me around too. I don't know what it is in general so I really don't know what to do about it. I too started mixing lavender and rosemary oil and wearing it as much as possible.
I also try to speak to my guides through the pendulum and its not as informative as I like. I really want guidance on how to better myself so I can then help others but I can't make heads or tails of the answers.