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My Psychic Journey And Problems

 

I don't know what else to call it except a psychic journey. It is a journey in some way, I guess, considering how far I've come and where it has led me today. I just wanted to share the events that started it and somethings that really trouble me. The events that I'll be sharing, were turning points for me let's say. I don't know how I feel about them. I don't know if I'm glad or upset about them. I guess,it's a mix of both. Maybe I needed them, but I don't think I like the way they happened.

My family is not a very religious family but they do believe and have faith in God. I, of course, followed their footsteps. As a child, I was someone who believed very strongly in God, had a very strong faith and prayed and thanked God everyday. My prayers were more for other people than for me. I was just a child, I didn't need many things. Whatever was needed, my family was there to provide. So, I prayed for those, who didn't have the same opportunities or were not in the same situation as me. I prayed for those who I thought really needed it. I'd pray and hope that my prayers were received. I don't know, if it helped in any way but, all I know is that, I poured my heart into the prayer. I prayed with all my faith.

When we are young, most of us don't really see the darkness that's in the world. We are bright and young and cheerful. We are so optimistic,hopeful. I was young too, I was a child too. I was optimistic too, but I was slowly starting to understand, that not everyone is what they seem to be, not everything that looks okay is truly okay. Still, I was always happy in the knowledge that God is there and God'll make things okay. So, I'd pray everyday and hope everyday, that my prayers were received. One day, I was praying as usual, head down, eyes closed, hands locked in prayer. Everything was normal, nothing out of the ordinary then suddenly, something happened. As I stood there praying, I felt something, that I haven't felt since that day. I felt like a part of my heart or my chest had been ripped out. I felt like a part of me, that made me who I was, had been ripped out. As soon as the hole had been made, it was filled too. I could feel it, but, it just didn't feel right. Like, someone cut out a circle but shoved in a triangle. It did fill the space, but it didn't feel right, didn't feel like me. I could tell a change had happened but I couldn't really tell what changed. I still can't to this day. All I can tell is, it's me but it's not me at the same time. Let's say, it's me but with something different. I don't know where it came from, I don't know if that made me strong or weak. I don't know. I just know, that a part of me was ripped and I haven't really felt whole since that day.

Some years passed. The incident was in the back of my mind now, stored away somewhere. I'd remember it sometimes but I'd always push it back again since, now I had school to worry about. But, there'd be times I'd remember it and feel sadness for no reason. If I remember correctly, I think, that is what triggered my psychic abilities. The reason I say that is because now I could sense things. I felt close to nature, especially to the wind and water. I still do. I'd pray outside and even on a still night, when there'd be no wind, a gust of wind would blow, always during my prayer, and I'd know, my prayer had been delivered. I'd get messages and answers when I'd need them the most. Like everyone else, I couldn't see in the dark but I could very well feel it if there was something there, something that wasn't quite human. I could sense if there was something when entering a house and I'd be correct. I had started getting weird dreams too. I'd see places, I'd never seen or been to before. I'd see places, castles and people from old times, times about which I didn't know. I'd see strange figures, creatures and even a ritual once.

One night, my dream became rather disturbing. I saw a person die and myself talking to the person, their dead body to be exact. I remember thinking,"She died but she's living again. She'll get over great hurdles and succeed in life.". It was not my speculation, it was a definite answer. I woke up, it was still dark outside, morning light was not there yet. I tried to go back to sleep but I was shaken up cause I had talked to a dead body, a rather messy dead body. I was disturbed I realized. At that point, I spread my arms on the bed, making somewhat of a star shape. Right as I did that, I felt weird, an anticipation, like something was about to happen. I was staring at the ceiling and I couldn't help but feel that something, something was looking down at me and getting ready to fall on me. It didn't feel bad. My brain kept saying,"Guardian, angel." Those two words were on repeat. The incident happened quick. I spread myself on the bed, stared up at the ceiling felt weird, thought and then felt something fall and enter me. The moment it entered me, I felt like a guitar or a harp. It felt like my strings were pulled and a sound was produced. I felt it everywhere. Then, suddenly, my tensed body relaxed. I felt pure bliss, pure peace and I fell asleep without any trouble. It never happened again but since then, I haven't really been afraid if I sense something, instead I can easily stand my ground and scare it away.

Over the years many things have changed, my abilities, my way of communication, how I behave and think and along with those, my energies too. Before, it used to be completely white, never really felt like it belonged though. Now, it's a mix of golden and black. Both are a part of me. They make me feel whole, not like I used to but, they do somewhat make me feel whole. I don't really have proper control over them. I have somewhat learned to control them with the help of the people from this forum but there are days, when I partially lose to the thirst,rage,hunger. I'd like to be able to tame it down a bit more. I also haven't felt completely whole since that incident, which I call the "Big Change incident"and I wish to feel that pure bliss, pure peace again. I always hunger for that, more so now a days since I had a big fight with God. I feel like the wayward child that loves his father but just dislikes his ways. I love God and believe in God. I haven't lost faith but I disagree with God's ways I guess. The fact that I can feel a sadness and frustration that is not my own during one of my banters, surprises me. Sometimes, I feel like I hear a sigh. But most of the times, I feel, strength, love and the feeling of being protected. Sometimes, when I close my eyes, I can see my energy form,sometimes, I see wings on them, grey wings. I have been hoping to be able to find my answers and to be able to reconnect with God. I haven't lost the connection but, it feels like something is blocking the way. I hope I'll be successful and my success will lift this looming sadness from my heart and chase away sleepless nights.

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Comments about this clairvoyant experience

The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, CrazyCat, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will read the comments and participate in the discussion.

CrazyCat (3 stories) (74 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-06)
Hello Klarlak,

Thank you for your comment. What kind of speculations do you have? All I can tell you is I used to get upset when I'd see people suffering or when hearing their struggles and problems. I used to believe God would make things right. I still do. I wasn't facing any emotional trouble. There were no emotional battles. My only wish was to be able to help the ones who needed it and I used to wish for a better and nicer world. That is the same thing I was asking for when it happened. I also used to thank God for everything that we'd been provided with and for the protection. So, I was thanking God and praying, like always and it happened. I used to put all my heart into my prayers. That is all there is.

CrazyCat
Klarlak (2 stories) (13 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-06)
I actually have several speculations, I am not certain unless I see the evidences myself though.
First thing first, did you experienced extreme emotional battle inside when this was happening? I can't say much unless you give me more description. Details would be helpful and appreciated

Best of luck
CrazyCat (3 stories) (74 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-06)
Hello Illumin,

Would you like to email me at crazycatcrisp [at] yahoo.com? There are somethings that I'd like to discuss in a more private environment.

Thank you for your comments.

CrazyCat
Illumin (33 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-06)
Hello CrazyCat,

That unfortunately varies, you may have simply pushed it away. On the other hand, it got what it wanted and has moved on. It may have simply being manipulating you to get a certain result to happen in the future. It may come back later. It is hard to say.

Although what occurred may have also been a test of faith, in Christianity there are numerous incidences of a man's faith in God being tested by a demon. What has and is happening to you may be the same.

The answer is for you to find in the end.

Illumin
CrazyCat (3 stories) (74 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-05)
Hello Illumin,

Thank you for you comments. Yes, it could be. If I remember correctly, it was since then that I had a notion, that "you want it then there's a price to pay". The world around me has taught me the same.

I've been shielding myself since I learned it. I feel protected but rather than outer force, it's now my own. So, either it took what it wanted and moved on or it's dwindling over the years. What I'm wondering is, what did it take? Why me? There were other easy targets too, then why me?

What it took will always bother me but nevertheless,I'm thankful for your help. Thank you. God bless you.

CrazyCat
Illumin (33 posts)
+1
10 months ago (2019-01-05)
Hello CrazyCat,

I forgot to add, by the way you can find Lyro's account in my account in the Favorite Posters' area.

Illumin
Illumin (33 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-05)
Hello CrazyCat,

That could be the issue, sometimes wondering spirits will take a question or an offer in a pray as an offer to them. This results in attachments. It seems from what you said it kick started your abilities, and took something from you as a payment for doing so. Shielding/grounding might get rid of it. You can do shielding by visualizing a barrier of light energy around you and focusing your energy into it and pushing it outwards.

Illumin
CrazyCat (3 stories) (74 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-04)
Hello Illumin,

Thank you once again for your comment. I wasn't trying to summon anything (at least not knowingly). I only knew God back then. So, the only person I was talking to was God. After the big change incident happened, there would always be a strong feeling of protection, I still feel it, but, I also know that I have my own strength now too. I didn't want to know who I was, that was not what I cared for. Also, to tell you the truth, my memories seem foggy. I don't truly remember my age but I can tell, it was when I was fairly innocent and wasn't affected by negativity. I can only remember that incident and how it made me feel, nothing else.

I just didn't want people to suffer. A blessing for them was what I asked for. As I mentioned in the story, it was for the needy ones, I always came last. I didn't really have anything that I wanted to ask for me. After that incident, my gut feelings did get better and stronger. I started sensing things and doing some things, that alarm me at times when I think about them.

If you know someone, please do tell me, if they don't mind. It'd be nice. Thank you once again.

CrazyCat
Illumin (33 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-04)
Hello CrazyCat,

So, what were you trying to summon or should I say talk to when it happened? To be more accurate what is it that you wanted? My assumption would be to know something such as who you are, of course certain knowledge always has a price when getting it quicker. It isn't anything bad, in fact I have seen it a number of times through the years.

Anyway, you remind me a lot of another person I have known on here for years. It is remarkable how similar the two of you are. His story is fairly similar to your own. It might be worthwhile to talk to him, it could be a fairly interesting conversion.

Illumin
CrazyCat (3 stories) (74 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-03)
Hello Illumin,

Thank you for your comment. I guess I was 8 back then. About feeling incomplete, I mean in a physical sense as well. Something of my body doesn't feel like it should be there. It feels like a big part is not there even though my body is complete. Also, it kind of made me physically sick when it happened. Feverish, felt like I would throw up, disturbed.

I don't think of past being better than future. If anything, I don't really think anything about them. What happened, happened, I can't change it and I wouldn't, even if I could. They helped me, made me wiser but, they weren't the best part of my life.

I hope so. I hope I'll find answers to the problems I'm facing right now. Thank you once again.
Illumin (33 posts)
 
10 months ago (2019-01-03)
Hello CrazyCat,

What age did that first event occur? I would assume somewhere around 8-13 which seems to be normal range for psychic development. It is related to puberty. As for not feeling complete, everyone feels like that. The feeling incomplete is more of a perspective thing, always thinking the past is better than the future. But that is an incorrect assumption as the past is written and the future is a blank sheet. Simply look at the past the good and the bad, and see how it made you who you are today and where you may be going in the future. I know for one I would never change my past even the painful parts as they made me who I am today. Although I do find it interesting to think about major points in my life where if I did something different, my life would be completely different now. Not any better or worse just different. I would recommend doing it, it is a fun thought experiment that teaches you a lot about yourself and how you should act in the future. Of course, if you know what your desire/want in life is it makes the decisions a lot easier to make when they come.

Anyway, I am sure you will figure it out.

Illumin

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