This is the first time that I have actually acknowledged this gift/curse so please be patient with me.
As a young child I was told that I was "too sensitive" nearly everyday. I remember walking on eggshells before I could walk. I have memories of other people's emotions as young as two years old. I always knew when other people in my family were experiencing both physical and emotional pain and I would know things that others did not. I knew when I was ten the last time I would see my great-grandmother alive. I still smell her every holiday gathering and at times I smell her when I am distraught. I feel like a lot of this has a connection to her.
My mother in particular really affected me as a child. Not only did I feel what she felt, I knew that her emotions were the only ones that counted in our home. I felt everyone's discomfort around her and this just led to a feeling of constant anxiety. My parents have always had a volatile relationship and it somehow affects me no matter how far away I am. I felt like I was crazy when I started having anxiety attacks in seventh grade, and I did not have support at home.
As an adult I attributed my anxiety to emotional abuse. I developed fibromyalgia symptoms in my early twenties. That was when I had a major life-changing experience. I had just moved into an apartment and I started having paranormal activity (until this time I was skeptical at best about the paranormal.) This made me question my abilities that others who were more open to spiritual matters suggested I really possessed. Still, I was skeptical- I just didn't feel special enough.
I always have been able to read other people. I know what they are feeling and what they are hiding. I know when danger is coming particularly to those I know well. My strongest initial moments that revealed hard evidence of my gift happened during my first pregnancy when my father tried to commit suicide. I just knew something was wrong so I called my mother. She told me my father had been fired from his job and he had driven off after they fought about it. I told my husband that we needed to go over to my parents' house right away-that I felt like something terrible was happening. When I reached their home I knew how my father had tried to do it, where he went to do it and that we needed to call an ambulance. It was really hard to convince the EMS service to go to this location, but I luckily I was able to do it without telling them how I knew where he was. I even knew the names of the medicines he overdosed on.
As I have gotten older things have become more intense. I feel like I cannot go into public, because it is too draining and emotional for me. I also work in a hospital and my health has really declined. I feel so much depression while I am there, and as soon as I walk outside there is a nearly automatic cessation of anxiety/depression/fear/anger. Not only do I feel my co-workers' emotions, I also feel my patients' anxiety. On SEVERAL occasions my patients have actually told me they feel something special about me. One patient told me she knew that I was meant for something in the spiritual realm and that I was running away from it. I had not told her anything about myself.
After that patient last year I really started to come out of my denial.
This year I have had some major episodes. First, there was a college student murdered nearby and before the police knew much about the case I told my husband revealing details the police did not know at the time-including the killer's first name. Next, there was a murder of a mom nearby. I described the area where her body was found almost exactly. I even drew a picture for my husband. The shape was identical to the ones they put in the paper the next day.
Last fall my children got flu shots and I felt pain in the exact location of their injections within 5 minutes. I have also felt sensations of water in my ear at work and immediately called home on a hunch to discover that my husband has just placed ear drops in my daughter's ear. I also know when my children are about to be sick just based on how lethargic I start to feel. I can even predict the severity of their sickness based on the severity of my symptoms. I feel like I am trying to validate these things to myself every time they happen.
My husband tells me that he knows I am psychic, but until now I have been afraid to label myself. I had read somewhere that everyone wants to be psychic. I am really afraid people will think that I am making these things up. On the other hand, I really need help. I am not functioning normally and my children need a mother who is there for them in all ways possible.
Am I running away? How do I know where to place this ability? Now my oldest child is already being labeled "too sensitive" by family and teachers and I feel like she has inherited this too. She even has become vegetarian at the age of five because she can tell animals are sad that we eat their bodies. If I can learn for myself what to do with this I am hoping that she can benefit and not have such a hard road.
Does anyone have any legitimate resources/free resources or friends they can refer me to? I need to protect myself and most importantly I need to help my daughter. Thanks