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Empaths And Relationships


I am a 19 year old college student. I've always know that I was different... I've always been known as the, "overly sensitive" one, and people always told me that I'm too soft, too easily affected or changed by others or that I'm too 'emotional', too anti-social. Only a few of my closest friends know that I'm an empath.

I always know when someone is lying, I can tell when people are upset or sad even if they have a huge smile on their face, I get strong feelings from people, usually depression, excitement, and anxiety hit me the hardest, and sometimes I can see aura's it just depends on how strong someone appears to me. As soon as I walk into a room I can feel and identify each emotion someone is feeling. Most of the time I'm strong enough to block it out, not to let it take control of my emotions, but if it's strong enough, I can't do anything about it. I'm the therapist for my friends... They all come to me for advice, for things they need, and I always have a hard time saying no because I love helping people and even though it wears me down, I feel amazing knowing that I've helped someone else fix their problems.

My boyfriend is also a strong empath. I've never known another empath, so this is all new to me. We share everything without having to speak. I can feel his presence when he's near and just having him look at me, or stand next to me... I know what he's thinking about, what he's feeling, sometimes even what he's going to say or do next. He does the same for me. He told me that from the first time he met me, he knew me. He knew that I block people out so I don't have to feel their emotions, and he knew that I put up shields in order for me to just make it out my front door without being affected by someone... Things that no one other than an empath would possibly know about me. He saw through my mask, and I see through his. It's amazing... It's a great connection, he always knows just what to do to make me feel better when I've been affected by the people around me. (Btw, I'm a music therapy major, so I deal with a lot of other people's strong emotions on a daily basis. I am very moved by music, it's my emotional release, my form of meditation, and of course helping people while using music is ideal for me). But he grounds me, brings me back to Earth.

So now that you know more about me, I have some questions. My empath boyfriend and I seem to such a strong connection that when we first started dating, just having him sit next to me was overwhelming, almost to the point where I felt like I was going to be sick with the attraction I was feeling. He didn't feel it as strongly as I could, he told me he could feel it, but it didn't make him feel sick. (He's stronger when it comes to telling what someone is thinking, he knows when someone is feeling sad or happy, any type of emotion, but he isn't as strong as me when it comes to feeling emotions physically).

Now that we've been dating for a few months, it's rare for me to feel sickly overwhelmed, but the other night, I had had a really bad, tough day, and was feeling really insecure and he saw me and immediately knew what I was feeling and as soon as he put his arms around me... I felt overwhelmingly protected and I could feel the love pouring out of his soul, willing me to stop feeling the way I was. It was so strong I had to back away from him to avoid being sick. It's almost like I'm being consumed, smothered with emotion, but they're good emotions so why do they hurt me? Why does this happen? Is it just because of the strong connection we have and the fact that we're both empaths? Or is it just because he really does love me that much?

Any advice is appreciated,


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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Musicismytherapy, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

sharmar (2 stories) (4 posts)
14 years ago (2010-07-01)
I am also an empath and you describe a relationship I don't have, a relationship that I long to have, need to have but just haven't found yet. 😭
Seriously I do feel as if a part of me is missing. For as long as I can remember this feeling has always been with me, that feeling of total and utter completness has never been there. Its not something that I'm constantly thinking about nor am I constantly looking to be filled but I know its there - I just get on with my life blocking out other peoples emotions when I need to, as I too like to help people but even I have to say no sometimes. My gift is strongest when people who around me are sad, hurt, confused and they need my help and if I can help make them feel better I will but occasionally that feeling comes back.

Grow together and treasure your relationship.
Musicismytherapy (2 stories) (8 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-26)
That's how I feel with my boyfriend a lot of times. If we're talking on the phone, and he knows I'm upset, or there's something wrong, I can feel him with me, almost like he's holding me, sending his energy to me, willing me to be okay. He says I do the same with him, I try to send good energy his way as well. Also, he uses his right hand, and rubs the middle between my thumb and index finger on my left hand, and it always calms me down, and I can feel the energy coming from him when we hold hands. When we first met, one of the first things he did was hold my hand to read my energy.
Lyro (468 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-26)
I've only done it with two people before. But with Tori, she too is Psychic, so we can feel each others. She is not close to me at all, but with are connection, it's like she's with me. I'm basically her protector, and last night she was having some troubles, and she could basically feel me holding her...:)
Musicismytherapy (2 stories) (8 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-26)
wow... Now that you mention it, I do feel his heartbeat sometimes, it depends on how close he is, and what he's feeling.
Lyro (468 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-26)
Something special, when you have a strong connection between psychics, things can be no less then interesting. The girl that I have a strong connection with, not only can we do that, but we feel each others heartbeats, and even share each others abilities (I'm an Empath/telepath She can see the future in visions, and is an elemental.) I've controlled the wind, and saw the future, while she can feel the things like I can. Being together can be... I really can't describe it other then just... Magical.
Musicismytherapy (2 stories) (8 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-26)
Thank you! I do agree with a lot you have told me, so thank you for everything, it is helping greatly! And who knows, maybe we are soul mates from a past life. I'll just have to wait and see what happens. He calls me his angel, and his comfort. It's a great connection, something I never want to let go of.

One other thing, I think I have a spirit guide. Whenever I feel vulnerable or overwhelmed, I get tingles all up and down my back, almost like wings wrapping around me, trying to comfort me. It's amazing, and when I say something out loud, like "thank you spirit," the touch intensifies, as if they are thinking me for acknowledging them. This has been happening for years, but lately it has become much more prominent and intense. Does anyone have any ideas about this?
spookvanger (13 stories) (137 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-26)
Hi Ash!
You have had quite a reaction from fellow
Empaths but as far as the relationship with your boyfriend is concerned I would suggest that you read "Only Love Is Real" written by Brian Weiss.
Rhea31 (1 stories) (17 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-25)
Dear Ash,
I (as well as many others) am an empath among other things. I understand how you feel. I also have that sick-to-your-stomach feeling when I am overwhelmed with emotions, I also have anxiety attacks (which aren't as common now). In all honesty I think that we feel so sick when this happens is because we are so used to an array of emotions all together so we grow attune to it, but when one person (usually another empath) feels one emotion so strong then it out balances all the other emotions and makes us almost motion sick (or emotion sick to be more accurate). You are not alone. Most empaths feel this. The only thing we can really do is try to calm the reactant emotions inside us. If you need anything or would like someone to talk to feel free to contact me.
Blessed Be.
demetriagirl22 (2 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-25)
hi I'm empathic to I never know when my feelings are mine or others. A few days ago I felt sad and left out and then my friend started cryin I ask why she said I feel sad and left out. That's one time I knew that was her emotions not mine. But a lot of the time I feel sad but I don't know why. Don't believe what other people say about there is not such thing as empathics there are many in the world ❤ 🤔
SpiderLace28 (17 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-25)
Well I don't know. Part of it could be the isolation you experience, the sick thing. I like to talk things out occasionally, but things like this can be stressful. I don't always even like to be touched because the emotions are smothering & I don't like it. Even good ones. It's not like the thought doesn't matter, but I have to have personal limits. I'm also the kind of person who likes to wear clothing that doesn't hamper movement. So I love my tank tops. I feel smothered easily, I guess. It's a big deal too you know. I mean how does he expect you to react? To soak it in or to answer with a reply of some sort? To me, looking back, emotions might have been a little scarier too, even though I'm only 26 now. You'll have to make up your own mind though about things.
clintonalog (6 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-24)
I am an empath, also married to another empath for twelve years. My impression is you are learning to trust your instincts.
As everything involved in being an empath, is about learning to trust your instincts. Blocking what others feel is simply passing on a particular lesson until one is ready to look closer at the lesson. In my experience, there are no bad amounts of good feelings. You are most likely picking up some imbalance in your feelings about each other.
Always trust your instincts over your conscious mind. The conscious mind is largely useless in navigating anything new.
Instincts prevail, and who has greater capability for instinct than an empath?
Lyro (468 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-24)
I'm an Empath, but I didn't really start anything major until this year. I'm also more then that, but you can talk to me if you want to know more. But what you're feeling is very normal for an Empath, and as you grow, you can do soo much more. What you are feeling is called mental Empathy, and now I can do what is called Physical Empathy, which is kind of the same, only that I can physical things also. If someone hurts themselves, or does anything like that, I can feel it. But I don't have an openness to everyone anymore, I only feel the ones that I create the connections to.
Empathsam (3 stories) (109 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-24)
Hey, we have A LOT of empaths here! Obviously, I'm an empath, you are too. I have questions, please answer them to your best memory. When you were at 11-12+, did your empathy start seriously fluxuating? I'm 12 and that is happening the empathy kept going off and on, weaker to so overwhelming I thought my asthma was coming on again (my meds work realy good) its been on a dip for a few weeks now. Did this happen to anyone? Or your boyfreind?
BarbaraSanti (3 posts)
14 years ago (2010-04-23)
Hello Ash,
I'm an empath as well. When I read the description of what your life as an empath is, I felt like you were talking about me. I believe that the "sickness feeling" you get when you are around your boyfriend is because there's still some blockages in you that you need to work on. As you mentioned it in your story we Empaths learn to protect ourselves through different ways, sometimes intuitively blocking ourselves and others through visualization. I'm afraid you have become so good at blocking yourself that you have also blocked your own growth as an empath and the reaction you have next to your boyfriend it's only a symptom of a conflicted feeling that you have harbored in you (some kind of fear) for too long and now it's the time to trascend it and life is giving you the chance to do so next to someone that loves you.

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