Lately I have been looking more into the possibility that I am an empath, or something like it. Honestly, I'm pretty skeptical of myself in this regard- mostly because I am in nursing school right now and have taken a ton of psych classes. Being able to feel others emotions, or feel like there is someone around me that I can't see are not things that are normal, medically speaking. Regardless, the more I look into it the more I think I might have abilities that I need to accept. If y'all could help me to figure this out I would greatly appreciate it! Even though I feel crazy saying all these things, I will try to be honest.
A little about me:
I never thought it was strange until I got older, but I had an imaginary friend when I was little named Pika. She was my twin and lived in the mirror and I would talk to her all the time. Sometimes she would come out and play with me outside but I only got to physically see her when she was in the mirror. I don't remember much else about her except at some point I was told she was not real, and I accepted that. It was then that I started feeling a dark figure who I felt was male that would stand in the doorway of my room at night when I was trying to sleep. It frightened me a lot so I never slept very well in my room, and would frequently go in and sleep in my parents bed. I never told them because I remembered my mom telling me that Pika wasn't real so this must not be either- I just knew I was very scared (Probably between 4-7 years old at this point). Eventually, my parents made me sleep in my own bed & I learned to stay awake and watching until I was so tired I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. Some nights were worse than others, but I always felt he was in the doorway or outside my window just watching me. At 10 I lost my grandpa and got really depressed because I felt that he was the only family member I was really close to. As I have gotten older, sometimes I feel his presence and he has even spoken to me I think (I can hear it in my mind). He lived in a house on the water and even though the house is empty now, my family still owns it and I go sit on the dock over the water to calm my nerves. I also talk to him and ask him to give me signs he is listening, which usually happen. I am 23 now and I have always had trouble in intimate relationships because I almost feel like I can feel the person I am close to so intensely its hard for me to not become super attached. Which has been perceived as needy. Realistically, what happens is that I can feel so intensely that they are upset about something that it bothers me until I ask and try to solve the issue so I can relax. Sometimes I think I even take on the other person's negative energy/ailments. Examples: the entire time my mom was going through chemo for breast cancer I felt very ill. Now I live with my boyfriend who used to have trouble sleeping and now its me that's awake all hours of the night & I get the best sleep when he leaves for work early in the morning or if I happen to be alone in the house during the day. Another weird thing is my cat that I have had since he was born- I feel his ailments too. He had an ear infection and the whole time my ear was bothering me- the same ear! I could list more examples, but for the sake of everyone reading this I will try not to go on too much longer. Basically now, I am doing clinicals in nursing school and coming into contact with so many very ill people is making me look more closely at my "abilities", if you want to call them that. I just know how the patient feels-when I observe my fellow nursing classmates have no idea how to diffuse the situation or calm the patient down. I just know. I can't really explain it any other way. I like being able to do this most of the time, but I am struggling with feeling extremely drained all the time now (part of it is just being in such an intense curriculum I'm sure!) and I am still having the feeling that someone is watching me at night- only now they are standing right next to me. I feel the temperature change and get very cold on my arm that is near the floor on my side of the bed. I have had an extremely vivid dream (I honestly thought it was real when I was having it) that there was this dark cloud of smoke over me when I was sleeping that was trying to get inside me. I was EXTREMELY shaken by this when I woke up and it still creeps me out to think about it. Basically what I need from y'all is to help me figure out if I'm crazy or if these things might really mean something. I also need to learn how to stop these things at night from happening to me and expand on the abilities that I feel are helpful or positive. At this point I feel like I am just a big sponge for energy and have tried meditating but I get very uncomfortable/frightened when my eyes are closed because I feel like someone is watching me, even when no one is there. My friends all say I am a very anxious person, and I think this is a HUGE part of why that is- but I can't tell them that without them thinking I'm nuts. I also have been diagnosed with ADD inattentive type because I am constantly thinking about/feeling EVERYTHING around me. I think I am open to learning how to use my abilities, if that's what they are, but I just don't know how to protect myself right now and I think that's why I block a lot of it out/question my sanity or whether its real. I would like to be able to speak with someone who can give me some insight on myself who has similar abilities, but unfortunately these days you have to pay a lot of money for that in a psychic reading or something. And I'm just a broke college student. Any help that any of you can give me would mean so much to me, and thank you for reading this super long story!
Curious26-My sense of smell is crazily strong too... Not a good quality to have in a hospital! I haven't been around enough cancer patients or people who are so close to death that I can smell the difference, but I have noticed different distinct smells (not just the usual gross stuff). How did you deal with working as a CNA?