I'm just wondering how this works.
I have been chronically depressed for over 8 years. While it gradually got worse, I learned that I could stuff my emotions inside myself and not have to face them. So here I am, a shell of a man. I have had so much practice hiding what I feel that I have a pause every time an emotion should be surging through me, long enough to logically analyze whether or not to allow myself to feel that.
I know that emotions fuel Magick, especially because every time my emotions get out, the wind picks up immensely. I also know that I am exceedingly more powerful than most Mages (I've met a few).
So then, how can I have this much Power while my emotions are sealed within me? Is that increasing it, by building that fuel on top of itself, with nowhere to go?
I just don't understand. Typically I keep emotion as far away from my spells as possible, and they work fine. So I guess this is actually a question of if emotional "fuel" is consumed (or spent, released) when using it to cast a spell. If yes, then I would have a nearly limitless reserve supply which could explain my advantage. If not, then a new question is asked: "Must an emotion be felt for it to affect the spell, or merely present?" If merely present is the answer, then I again have an explanation.
What are your opinions? Is my Power increased by my emotional blockade? Or am I actually holding myself back? Or (probably the more common opinion), am I just certifiably insane, this "Power" being an illusion stemming my disorder? Or perhaps I'm just thinking too highly of myself, actually being surmountingly weaken than most?
All comments are welcome.