I have always been a deep thinker. At an early age I questioned my own life and death, and learned a lot. I delved into spiritual and philosophical pursuits from an early age. I studied various religions, but was never satisfied. I always felt like there was so much more to life than our society was aware of. I wasn't a happy kid during middle school. High school was better, but I fell in with the wrong crowd and developed an addiction to marijuana which I have only recently overcome. I have always sought something greater than myself. Call it god, power, knowledge or what-have-you, I wanted to know it all. I have been deeply moved by people like the Buddha, Ralph Waldo Emerson, Carlos Castaneda, Einstein, Sri Mahana Marashi, and countless other free thinkers, spiritualists, poets, and artists. I guess I was always unaware of the directions my life was headed.
About two years ago I had an awakening experience. During this experience my entire body grew rigid and stiff, my breathing grew heavy, and I felt high amounts of energy coursing through my body. My entire body was tingling, and the lower part of my spine was full of immense pressure. At the time I thought I was having a panic attack, though now I know it was a kundalini awakening of sorts.
Since this experience my life has been a constant evolution of perspective. Immediately following the awakening, I began noticing visible sparks of energy. Fearing I was losing my sight, or worse, my mind, I went to an eye doctor as well as a therapist. Neither had anything they could say to account for these experiences. The sparks which are exterior to my body zip around, and are usually white or black. Some however are definitely a product of my eyesight, as they follow my vision when I move my eyes. These ones are more colorful, ranging from deep blues to greens, reds, yellows, and brighter shades of light as well.
Next I began to notice how I effected electronic devices. Lightbulbs constantly flicker or or grow extremely bright white/blue around me. They seem to correspond to bursts of emotion which I have. However I am uncertain that I am always the cause of this particular effect. Listening to people's conversations at school, the lights will sometimes react to words people say. Most importantly one time people were talking about drawing guides (I go to art school) upon hearing the word 'guides' the lights in the room reacted. This led me believe that some other entity may be causing it. It happens much to often to be a mere electrical malfunction, although I have considered that.
Television, computer, and cellphone screens display noticeable visual malfunctions around me as well. They will flicker or grow brighter sometimes. More interesting though is that sometimes they will display dots of varying color, or waves which sweep over them.
Next I began seeing white auras around people. These auras sometimes project from their bodies, or are superimposed over them. The energy is vibratory and almost 'fuzzy' looking, full of buzzing movement. Once I saw a deep blue/red, flashing orb over my instructors heart. Sometimes I will see orbs of varying color around people's heads. I feel the colors represent emotions.
Around my own body I witness a lot of black and white energy. Sometimes a flash of light will momentarily cover one of my eyes. Other times I see white or back energy sweep around my body. One time, while at a friends house, I witnessed a golden orb over my left shoulder after seeing my friend make the sign of the cross. I think this may have been one of my guides.
What worries me is that recently people around respond to the energy I see. As I have awoken to spiritual power, it has gotten to the point that people comment about how I glow. Often times in class I feel as if I am the center of discussion, although not directly. People are always commenting about metaphysical and parapsychological subjects, lights, sparkling energy, angels and demons, and such when I am around. I feel like a complete alien. I thought only intuitive, spiritual people could see the energy, but it seems like nearly everyone witnesses it around me. This coupled with the fact that lightbulbs go haywire around me leads me to believe I may be in danger because of my seeming 'superpowers' which the average citizen definitely does not understand. People think I have elecrtical powers, am an alien, or dead, a witch, or a shaman, or various other agrivating labels I hear all too often.
Moreover, I often have empathic and psychic experiences. I directly know what other people are feeling, thinking, or motioning even when they are behind my back out of sight. I don't mind this very much, but I feel that everyone is afraid of me, even my own family members at times. I wish there was someone I could actually relate to on a similar level. I feel more alone than ever in my life. Not a sad loneliness, but a total bewilderment to how 'different' I am than anyone I know on a personal basis.
Sometimes I will see large configurations of light energy, which I believe are guides or angels. These sparkling beings have a denser, vertical line which passes down their center, almost like a spine of sorts. Sometimes, in my peripheral vision, I will see very dark shapes. I am not afraid of them, but wonder what they are. I can't look at the dark ones directly- I only notice them out of the corner of my eyes. They do not seem to have a human form, rather they are amorphous, but tall. People see these around me as well, which probably is why people are frightened of me.
I don't really know why I am writing this. I suppose I am seeking comfort somehow. I desperately hope that no one will harm me because of the energetic activity that happens around me 24/7. I do not ever get a break from it. I feel like my old life is gone for good, and I have no way of ever attaining a sense of normalcy again. I enjoy my experiences, but I know others are dumbfounded by it. I am worried I will never be able to attract a woman because of how 'far-out' I am. I am worried that someone would seek to harm me because they think I am evil.
I am open to any suggestions as to how I may center myself in public. I sometimes get agitated and emotional because of how rediculously people respond to me. I feel that everyone is always trying to figure me out, when I have no suitable explanation for them. I wish there was some sort of person I could relate to on this level, or gain spiritual guidance from. I am a very down to earth person with a lot of knowledge about this and that. I love quantum physics and nature and feel that our earth is going through some major energetic changes. I dream of a future where people will be more aware of our place in the universe, and how we are all deeply interconnected- whether you realize it or not.
Any suggestions for personal growth are deeply respected and appreciated! I would love to hear what a group of like-minded (pun intended) individuals has to say about my situation. Looking forward to some heart-felt responses. Thank you and namaste.