I've been able to sense spirits ever since I can remember. As a little girl I thought it was normal, I'd see them and thought they were just friends so I'd talk and play with them. Back then they were very compassionate towards me and my guardians were always around watching to make sure that nothing bad came my way. Spirits became less frequent as I grew up but around the age of 11 they came back. My first encounter since I was a little kid was around 11 and the most realistic of spirits I'd ever seen at that age was a women, who ended up being my mother's cousin. Her spiritual presence was extremely strong and she said she was my mothers protector. It was dark in my room so I could only make out the shadows of her face but it was an experience that scared me so badly that I remember bursting into tears and hiding under the covers.
I didn't believe what I saw after that and for many years afterwards I didn't want to accept the fact that I saw spirits. I'd met many aggressive spirits and maybe they were aggressive towards me because I always would try to ignore them. There had been a few spirits who were compassionate and tried to comfort me and show me that they weren't bad but still I was terrified of them. My strongest sense is my ability to sense them whenever they are near or even in my house, the atmosphere changes. It feels as if I'd been shot with adrenaline and I get extremely frightened. I want to be able to help spirits despite being scared of them because I realize they are still human but I can't get over this fear and I don't know how to fix it.
I feel like the bad encounters I've had have ruined my ability to try to help spirits and accept them. Every time I sense one I'm terrified that they may lash out at me or do scary things such as slam doors, make creepy noises or play with my lights, or allow me to hear there footsteps. I don't know if this is normal for spirits and I'm not sure if they're doing some of these things out of frustration or because they're trying to scare me and hurt me. I'm still in my teens and I know I have a lot to learn still but I need advice. I have a psychic friend but she doesn't see to the extent that I do so it's hard. She said she was terrified like me in her teens but learned to accept it over the years and although does have her scary moments she doesn't go into the situation feeling afraid unless the spirit does something aggressive.
Last night I had a horrible nightmare that a spirit was holding me down and trying to prevent me from screaming for help as I laid in my bed. It didn't say anything and I could only really see the outline of it, nothing more. It first started as I tried sitting up after being woken up because I sensed a spirit and then it pushed my shoulders back down into the bed and then after I started to freak out it pinned my arms. I managed to break away from it and take off sprinting into my parents. It felt so real that when I woke up I was confused that it had been a dream. It was exactly 5am when I woke up and I ran into my parents room and slept there the rest of the night terrified. It's situations like this that make me afraid, I don't know if the spirits lashing out because it's impatient or it wants to hurt me. Please help me, it makes me hate my gift. I've been able to help a few people but I'm tired of living in fear.