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Life Lived In Cycles?


I come from a family semi-comfortable with the "gifts", as in no one has repressed me or made me believe I was not having the experiences I am. My great-grandmother used signs and dreams to interpret future events. It would seem that it has skipped a couple of generations and landed squarely on my shoulders. I am the only member of the family now who carries "the gift". I do believe that my mom may have had the opportunity but closed herself off to it, I still sense that she is a bit frightened by the things I can do or sometimes say.

The first memory I have is of my grandfather coming to my great-grandmother's house to tell my mom and aunt that his wife had committed suicide. I'm not sure why this is such an important memory in my life except that as I saw him jump out of his car, I felt that I already knew what was going on, only as a three year old I couldn't verbalize it. For many years following this I felt spirits in my great-grandmother's house. There was a totem in her house that I believe housed a very malignant spirit. This was my first experience with a negative spirit. It was helpless but when I looked at it I could feel its hatred of anyone free since it felt trapped. It's worth mentioning that this totem was brought to my grandma by her son from the Vietnam War.

I also felt the spirit of my great grandfather often in her house. He only showed himself once to me, strangely enough as I look back on this memory it would seem he chose the perfect moment to warn me that I have to take care when dealing with the spirit realm. So until I turned seventeen, this is all I remember of my abilities. I'm quite sure there were others but these are the ones that stand out most for me.

Once I turned 17 I began to have precognitive dreams. Carrying on the family tradition, they were riddled with signs to help me determine future events. I have predicted 10 deaths through my dreams. I find it quite disturbing that the one death I did not predict was that of my great-grandmother as not knowing caused me not to be there when she passed. I arrived fifteen minutes too late. I have also predicted pregnancies and the sex of those births through dreams. I actually knew my cousin was going to give birth to a daughter before she even knew she was pregnant. It would seem that the limit to these dreams are deaths and births.

I had always been able to detect the presence of spirits but had yet to begin communicating with them. As I began to grow comfortable with my dream-based abilities, I started being able to communicate with and empath the emotions of those spirits around me. That is when we moved into a house just 1/8 of a mile from a Civil War battlefield. Of course I found myself constantly bombarded with confused spirits but more surprising and terrifying was the more recent spirit I encountered in the basement. This spirit was the father of a young boy. He had tortured his son in the basement and ended up murdering him there. He was extremely hostile, he was incapable of affecting this world except that he was very much able to feed me some very evil emotions. Needless to say I was a little more weary of spirits than I was before, I just learned to close out the ill-intentioned.

Over the years I've had some very good experiences in communicating, such as being able to pass along a much needed message to my cousin from her father. However, in the last four years I've begun to experience a change. I find myself to be much more afraid of spirits than I was before. I find myself immediately shutting down if I encounter a spirit. Not only that but I have also become very socially awkward, I'm afraid of meeting new people, I don't speak to people I see on a weekly basis. I am just finding myself to be much more wary of life than I have been in the past. There is nothing that has brought about this change, no hostile situation, nothing my conscious mind can grasp. I do know however that it is cyclical. I feel as if I have been punished in a past life for possessing gifts of this nature and that perhaps it occurred around my current age in my past life. I have therefore begun looking into past life dreams/hypnosis.

As is usual with me, once I open myself up to something occurring, it usually does. Therefore last night I had dreams of two of my past lives. Neither gave me any answers to my sudden debilitating fear but I haven't given up. I do plan to also seek out assisted past life regression to help control the results I get. For anyone who is interested, in one of my lives I saw myself as a soldier, I feel as if this was pretty recent, as recent as my most previous life. I was cutting through large pieces of lumber with a table saw and there was a guy at a table in front of me cutting the smaller pieces. Strangely we were outdoors, outside of a barn. One of the small pieces of wood flew back at him and lodged itself in his left side, just below his ribs. Somehow this or another piece of wood hurdled back hitting me, causing me to fall forward on my table saw. I was then pushed back and forth by the force of the saw until I died.

My second life was more enlightening, although the details are a little less clear in this dream. I did encounter two other souls I know in this life though. In the dream I am married to a man. I then become friends with a young pregnant female. My husband ends up leaving me for the young pregnant female. I know that the dream was more detailed but I cannot recall all of the details. The strange thing about this dream is it caused me to face a fact about myself I have long hoped wasn't true. I have huge issues with women who are not married to men but become pregnant by them. Ten times out of ten I side with the men and believe that the women have tricked them and trapped them. I feel very hostile towards these women and I have never understood why I would care about men and women I don't even know but I always end up angry when I hear about a situation like this. I am hoping that knowing where this anger comes from will help alleviate it.

I know this story was really long but it feels good to finally discuss all aspects of my life and what I can do. I'm hoping to find someone to assist me through the rest of my journey, therefore if anyone knows of someone in Alabama who can help, I'd appreciate the referrals.

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