I have known that I was gifted since I was about 5 years old. My whole family is gifted in one way or another.
I used to see spirits a lot when I was younger. It first started out me waking up one night when I was about 5 years old and I saw this girl, fully white, standing in my door way waving at me. Of course not understanding what I was seeing, I reacted in fear. I hid under my covers and when I finally got the courage to look and see if she was still there, she was gone. After that experience I started seeing more and more. The thing is, she was the only one "of the light" I ever saw, the rest were black and did not have a positive energy, I used to see black guys in cloaks carrying axes into my mom's room, I saw the doorway that they came out of, I saw black figures pop up right beside my face when I was laying in bed, I saw a random head and arm floating in the hallway. All these dark things sparked a fear within me that I have never been able to get over. I have spoke with mediums before which claim these things I were seeing were low vibrational spirits that once you take control you can ensure they aren't allowed to come in your presence. I saw things that I do not care to even describe because I can't explain them myself and they truly are surreal. There was a time when I was sitting in my kitchen and I heard someone call, "Sawyer", "sawyer", "sawyer" three times in my ear, each time louder than before. My mom claims I described seeing a huge angel come into my room and that he was sooo big he had to duck to get his wings to fit through my door way, the only thing I don't understand is why the one that would seem to be so good, I wouldn't remember now, but I remember all the rest.
I have been told by many mediums that I am a medium myself and that I am way more gifted and powerful then I know, but no matter how hard I try I can't get over the fear. Every medium I have spoke with claims that this is an amazing gift, but due to all the negative things I've seen, I can't help but fear that if I open myself to this gift again (I've currently blocked it out for the past couple years and haven't seen anything for awhile) that my experience is going to be like it was before. I know I can gain control but I just don't know how to get over this fear.
I still feel spirit around, I just don't see them anymore due to me blocking it out. I truly believe this is my calling, but this so called "gift" has always been such a burden to me. Can anyone relate or have any advice for me?