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Hitting Walls On My Spiritual Journey


I have practicing some techniques that I have researched about to help improve my natural abilities and to become one with my true self. Lately, I have seemed to be hitting some difficult walls that have halted me from going any further. Before, starting this journey, I have been suffering for many years of depression. Meditation and positive thoughts have benefitted me to have long stretches of good days but lately, I find it difficult to find the energy to do anything that I need to. My school work is suffering as well as my relationship with my two sons, and husband. The intimate side of our relationship is almost non-existent. I get frustrated and snappy with my husband as well as my children. On days, I can't seem to find the energy to get out of bed and to fight back tears.

I am desperate to find relief of this and for not only my sake but for my family. I want us all to be happy and not have them walk on egg shells and ask one another "Why is Mom sad again?" I think it's partly due to the fact that I have built up anger and resentment towards certain people but I don't know how to release it. I have thought about talking to them but I know that it will cause more harm than good (some have VERY defensive personalities) or that I might hurt them by what I am saying.

I think that I am an Empath. But, I can't seem to distinguish if thoughts or feelings are my own. I also can't distinguish between my Ego and my Spirit Self and it is very frustrating. The feeling of being lost is still there and I just want to know something for sure about myself. I can't seem to find the answers. I have thought about a getting an Energy Healing done but it is very expensive and I am unsure if it will help me any.

I have had some experiences lately that I have found really interesting. About a week ago, I was taking a shower; as I reached down to grab something from the tub, I saw 3 or 4 bright tiny orbs flying around about 10 inches away from the chest. I rubbed my eyes and blinked many times but they were still there. I have been told that those lights could be fairies. Also, I don't know if I have telepathy or not but a lot of times, my husband and I have very similar thoughts at the same time. It could be that we are thinking that the same thing or even picturing something in our heads.

I look forward to any insight or advice that anyone may have. Techniques, crystals, or even just someone to talk to, any information about anything is welcomed and appreciated.

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Lilmomma24, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

Lilmomma24 (6 stories) (18 posts)
11 years ago (2013-10-25)
Thank you so much, AnneV. That puts things into perspective. I have noticed that things change a little after each stretch of "bad days". My intuition is getting stronger and I can feel that days like those get slightly easier.

I think I have figured out what makes me feel depressed and I have known for a long time but I have never accepted that things are they way there as for a reason. Just yesterday, after I wrote this, I had a rush of thoughts and ideas that just hit me on how I can improve upon these feeling and become a better person. It's funny how answers come to me in a different way then I originally tried to get answers, if that makes sense.

As far as doing things for other people, I come up with ideas all the time but I never execute them. That's got to change. There was an idea that I saw on line that I was dying to do with the kids. I can get them involved by making Blessing Bags for the homeless that we encounter that is filled with little necessities (toothpaste, comb, snacks, a few dollars, and etc.). Thank you so much! You have given me so much to think about and to do and I felt a little bit of relieve just reading your response. 😁
AnneV (4 stories) (1064 posts) mod
11 years ago (2013-10-24)
I think mothers and wives have it hardest of all. They are supposed to work, clean the house, take care of the kids, keep the husband happy, commute, study, keep themselves up and the list just goes on. It's no wonder you're exhausted. I don't know if I call this a "block" per say in your development but just life itself. Women especially are stretched so thin a true breakdown can occur. If you can, go easy on yourself. You're doing a huge job of raising those boys and all the rest of your life. Super woman might be a good description for you.

When we run into fatigue then getting through the day is even harder. Our energy is a currency and we only have so much to spend. When we're low on energy, so follows our patience, sex drive, etc. We have to budget it out and make sure that the most important element out of all of this (our loved ones), don't suffer the brunt of this.

There is a reason for depression. When you bump your head or something, you feel pain because it's your body communicating to you that something is wrong. Depression is the same thing. Figuring out why we are depressed is the hard part. Some reasons why we are depressed is that we're trying to control the uncontrollable, we're not doing our life purpose, stresses from finances or health and so on. Our spiritual work, and what causes us to grow, is learning to figure that out and then coming up with a plan for resolution. And that plan may be something uncomfortable like dealing with the pitfalls of the ego, which accounts or more than 50% of why people are depressed (I don't have what so and so has, they need to listen to why I'm angry at them and change for me, you're not loving me the way I want...).

Your ego is the part of you that's non stop chattering, drama, anger, separation (me versus them). Your higher self is patience and love.

One of the most significant reasons why we are here on the planet is to learn unconditional love. If you do any kind of near death research, ALL life reviews cover how we treated others, for better or for worse. You will not review what you did for a living, what you wore, how much money you made or any of that. You will just see every word and action that had an impact on another person. That should be our focus. Sometimes to know and understand ourselves, we have to put ourselves (our ego mind) aside and practice some unconditional love. Then we will know who we are because who we are when you remove all of the junk and layers, is just love. Try that. Put your own story aside and do something out of the ordinary for a member of your circle that you care about. I do this almost weekly. I send cards when unexpected, flowers to something who didn't have a good day. I talk to strangers with respect and caring as if they were my own sibling. When you start to live like this, then you will not have any more bad days. You will start to see problems as lessons, which is still love disguised.

I remember once getting gas at this 7-11 type mini-mart. I went inside and was paying for some things and started to chat with the clerk. She was in her late fifties or so and the light from her eyes blew me away. When she spoke to me, you could not stop the flow of kindness, love, laughter and humanity. I thought to myself, "By God, before I die I want to be like this woman." She was not attractive. She had a job most of us would be upset about but she was one of the most evolved humans I had ever encountered. She got it.

Thanks so much for sharing yourself with us.

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