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A Never Ending Battle Within Me

 

Every day its getting worse. Some days are positive, others are not as successful. I believe it is called my "dark side", which would make sense. Its been getting worse lately. Its like I almost WANTED to become a hollow shell again...i'm fighting hard, though. I'm stronger and so is it. Little victories mean everything. Wether its wicked thoughts that pass through every now and again or fighting it when it tries to make me predict terrible things. I've went through if Bennis died... Not fun.

It feels like whenever i'm so close to finding an answer, its not even close. I end up having surges of energy at random times, as well. Its like a deep ringing in my ears or scents coming from inside my nose.

If anything or anyone is messing with me i'd like to know, at least.

I can't remember my dreams lately. If I do, its just random stuff.

Is the dark part of me plotting against me? Am I going insane? (Seems silly to ask on here, but...) I'm not alone in my head, and I know people on here have similar stories. Please help me with this, i'm not sure how much more it'll take before my mindstate changes again, and i'm not sure how well the turnout would be. I'm guessing 3 months or so if things progress as gradual as they are. I have moments of relapse, as if what happened a couple years ago (First post) and what happened with the girl are nightmares and I can't wake up.

I don't trust the night since what happened, but for some reason its like I'm never alone... I don't detect spirits or anything but i'm still not alone.

Is something or someone haunting me? Did something steal my energy?

Should I be scared?

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by psychic-experiences.com. Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, Swordsoflight, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
That sounds like a good idea Mabus as I would hate to already have a nemesis on here when I just recently started getting on the site lol. I am glad that we have come to an understanding of each others beliefs in a respectable manner. I am Charles but if youd like you can call me by that or screen name either works, as far as cake goes I do believe we agree on that lol.
mabus (guest)
+1
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
Okay note to self; I need to get more sleep before jumping to conclusions. I misinterpreted what you meant when you asked me to channel for you. In the past people have abused my abilities by asking me in a similar manner that you have so I got defensive on you out of reflex. I am sorry about that. As for my religious beliefs, I have no set one. I prefer to take beliefs from every religion and even the sciences to form my own answers to my own questions. And to answer your question if a bad person makes a good decision does that make that person good; I say that regardless if a person is good or bad their are growing and learning as a conscious soul to develop into what is their true nature/source. Well I think we have come to understand each other at least half way and I think we both know I need sleep lol. I think we may have also provided some entertainment to those who read our comments as well (I hope because after rereading our comments to each other I find it amsuing). Let's just put this behind us and start fresh:3 Hi I'm mabus and I like cake XP
newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
Mabus let me start by apologizing if I stepped on your toes as that was not my intent and let you know I was not offended by anything you said.

The way you wrote your response seems you feel that I don't believe you can do what you say your capable off, this is not the case. I simply was wanting to see what the extent of your abilities was and seeing as I asked you to do it would not be abusing your abilities. The other reason is as I said MAY have a third one, a fact I'm interested in finding out as meditations have led nowhere which is slightly concerning. I however do respect your declining of my request.

I must respectfully disagree with your comments on demons and angels, taking a standpoint from MY religious beliefs demons are fallen angels or angels who have sinned. They are no longer a entity of God and have been cast from heaven along with Lucifer. I don't know what if any religious beliefs you and are not trying to push mine on you, just explaining where I come from with my comments. Now demons can lie, assault, decieve, etc etc to reach their cause so they may seem friendly. The terms of demon and angel are that of biblical origin and not necessarily man made in my opinion.
A good person who makes a bad choice is still a good person but let me ask you this if a bad person makes a good choice does that make them a good person. I believe that all entities good and evil are that way by design, I am speaking of angels, demons, etc. I am not saying I'm right as I don't believe anyone here knows for sure.
I believe guides are given which may be part of our difference in opinions, I do not believe they are attracted to a person but more of assigned to a person. I do believe however you can attract other entities and I DO believe you can communicate with other peoples guides.
I hope nothing I said came off offensive as that was not my desired result, we have a difference of opinions and regardless of if I agree with you or not I do respect yours.

Long reply I know but I wanted to give your response the proper attention it deserved... I hope I reached to 50 character minimum lol
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
Hi Newhunter30, I think we may have stepped on each others wrong foot. I think you may have misinterpreted what I say which may be my fault. I will make up for it now.

I never meant to imply that those entities were her guides. I was just informing her that they were demons.

I understand that you would like to see the extent of my ability but please respect me when I decline. I have no interest in using my abilities to prove to someone something they don't believe in nor do I have any interest in testing the extent of my abilities when you already have just stated that you know of two of your guides and your spirit animal and possibly another possibly another guide.

You are also very lucky to have your father teach you things instead of having to learn everything on your own with no one to help you fix your mistakes, it gets kind of lonely when you know of people who know what's going on with you but refuse to help or when your family/some friends have no beliefs in this kind of thing to this extent.

Since you said you are new to the whole spirit guide field, I will share with you what I have learned about them.

In the spirit guide sense you speak of then yes you are totally correct in saying that no demon is a spirit guide. However the term "demon" and "angel" are just broad human terms used to group a large amount of different entities so we humans can understand. Their are good demons and there are bad one. The same goes with angels. However just because an entity makes bad decisions doesn't always make them a bad person, demon, angel, et cetera. There are really kind and generous people in the world who happen to make mistakes and choose to do bad things. Now does that make them a bad person? The same goes for any spirit. A spirit can make mistakes like a human and choose bad things and they can also choose to do good things as well. The choices we make are what helps us mature and grow as a conscious, soul, whatever you want to call our human spirit.

To me there are three types of guides; those assigned to us, those we attract, and those who choose to help us for their own agenda. I have a guide assigned to me and I attracted two more guides to me. I also have attracted beings who want to help me but are not my guide in the sense you speak of.

With guides they can only give suggestions and help you out if you truly want their help. Otherwise they just watch over you and protect you to the best of their ability.

I hope I made more sense and please let me know if you are still confused about something I wrote. You also have the right to disagree with me; I'm just asking you to open up to the way I believe as I will do to yours. I apologize for such a lengthy response; I tend to sometimes drag on when I write ahahaha.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
I understand that, and I am an empath as well. Even though she did hurt me at some points she wasn't 100% evil.
I am being very careful at who I listen to, but I'm being as careful as anyone else on here.
I'm being open-minded to ALL theories and ideas, and I'm here to help back as well.
Bedtime, logging off.
newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
Also side note, not pointing fingers just as a future reference, watch who you take advice from, as with anything judge what your being told as there will be those who wish to help you and those who wish to harm you.
newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
I will not argue at one point she may have been kind but again it may have been a ruse or maybe she shifted sides if that is possible. I can't say for sure as I'm new to some of this as well, my father is teaching me some and some I'm learning on my own as both of us have some abilities. He can object read and is an empath and I as well am an empath. We both have decent knowledge on hauntings and such but as far as guides he is far more knowledgeable than i.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
+1
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
I will definitely look it up. I'm listening to both of you, and whatever works works. I see where 'demons' have a negative aspect, though. Maybe Quinn at least USED to be kind. She's been fading away for a while now.
The white light worked in somewhat removing Brian. He's upset, for sure, but he's fading.
So far what both of you have said is helpful.
newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
It is ok no worries. I do want you to seriously consider what I said of demons. Also you can do a meditation exercise to contact your spirit guides. I can honestly say that I do not believe these 2 are or ever were your spirit guides. I know what I say seems to against what mabus says but do me a favor and find an exercise online to contact your guide, and let us know if these two were legitimate guides.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
New hunter, you said "please keep US updated--
Oh you mean mabus haha sorry a bit tired. This is what happens when you read half-asleep XD
Sorry for the confusion
newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
im not sure what you mean by ("us"?) could you please explain
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
("us"?)
Mabus, I sent you a telegram back.
I will definitely post any updates that happen. If anything tries to hurt me again I'll try the white light, and I know Quinn stole some of my energy as well.
She left easy when I asked her, she seemed to have felt bad, Working on Brian.
newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
Mabus I would like to try something if you are willing to test this out. I would like to know if you can tell me my spirit guides, spirit animal and spirit guide. I know of 2 for sure and possibly 3, please know that I am not questioning your abilities but I want to know the extent of them.
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
I just made a nation and I am about to telegram you now. My message will be "cake is life"
newhunter30 (34 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
Swords let me intervene here for a moment please, I will say off the bat I don't know everything about this topic but I do know some. The first thing is this THERE IS NO GOOD DEMON, we may argue over what a demon is but regardless of the outcome demons are not good. A spirit guide is not a demon or anything of the such. If this is a demon and they appear "nice and helpful" it is to gain your trust and get something in return.

Now as for the "dark part of you" you are in control of this part it is not an end all god that you are unable to control or fight. There are several ways to do this and honestly the poke ball thing makes me question this "fix", although if it works who am I to deny you of it. This dark side may not be you at all but something outside making you believe it is you.

I would ask you to try to picture a pure white light coming from the heavens and surrounding your body, all of it, and imagine no evil or malicious entities or beings can break through this light. Try this out and see if it helps. Please keep us updated.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
Bennis. That must've been feeding off of my ex's pain of moving away... No wonder he felt so bad... Ugh if I could punch Spark in the face... No that wouldn't help at all...
Sadly, yes. I wanted revenge on the kids who bullied me every day and thought if someone hurt them it'd stop.
I made it worse on myself.
Soon, negativity was affecting my family too...
The dream! It was a disembodied hand! Maybe its fighting me in my dreams again! That's why all this is happening.
I don't really have an email, well, I do but my mom gets every email sent to and from me. I...I want to get more control over myself and grow into my powers a bit before I tell them everything. They kind of know on some level but... They don't really understand, you know? My dad doesn't talk about it and my mom doesn't either, and if they do its just slight hints. I don't think they're ready to tell me anything yet.
I'll either leave a message on a story, or you could join NationStates (www.nationstates.net) and we could telegram. A little weird but its a way around email.
My nation name is NyanInk.
Hope to hear from you soon,
-Silver
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-17)
The Lucas baby bear spirit is your guide. The panther spirit is "benner", they said you would know what that means. Benner is connected to Sparks. My guides also told me that you are a lot like me when it comes to spirits. In middle school I went through a experimental phase where I would try to summon demons. To make a long story short, stay away from that unless you actually know how many you are summoning and who you are summoning. I also recently just got rid of a spirit whose soul was turning into a demon and who happened to be my husband in several past lives. What I am getting at is when I went through all of this I was letting my inner demon suck my energy which is what you are doing currently without really realizing it. I was lucky enough to have three angels come into my life and guide me onto the path I'm supposed to be taking. It took me my 7th grade year to make more positive changes into my life and then again this year. My inner demon has been scared and been bringing back my anxiety back from middle school which was pretty bad as a last resort to get control onto my life. This is mainly because I'm unlocking my heart again after a very long time since I am getting closer to meeting my soulmate officially if you believe that. My guides say that Brian is a demon and that he is there to release your inner demon. They say you need to believe in yourself in order to eliminate it (Brian) from your life. Quinn was a nice, helpful demon. She helped you out because she was needy and Brian was not helping her. I can help you more through email if you want. My guides brought me to you because they knew someone needed my help which turned out to be you. My email is on my profile, feel free to email me anytime and I will respond as soon as I can:)
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-16)
It...it makes sense.
When I was little and my REAL imaginary friend disappeared I could sense two spirits that were friendly at the time. I used to talk to them when I was alone and sometimes Quinn would help me through darker times in my family...Brian, however... He helped my darker side at one point.
Through my life they've changed their names. At first they were Sparkle and AJ, then Rose and James...
I think they were lovers or something, they're always together. And when Quinn was gone for a while... He got angrier. Quinn has issues too, but she's nicer.
All this time I thought they were imaginary...
Thank you for asking the guides. As you can tell, I don't exactly attract positivity much so I don't know who or what to trust.
OH! One last thing.
What's with Lucas the baby bear spirit and the panther spirit? And are they connected to Spark?
Thanks again,
-Ink
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-16)
The "he better but messy" was for the Quinn being. I forgot to mention that ahahaha. Now what concerns me is that my guides told me that they are scared of that Brian entity. They are avoiding the question and saying "sea lemons" and other things which is making absolutely no sense to me. Then again three of my guides are children so who knows what they are thinking.
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-16)
Your dream is warning of you of something in your waking life that is affecting you. I have an app called idream on my phone and it is a dreaming dictionary. You can also write down your dream in the app too. It has a free version in case your interested. Anyways here is a piece of what is says about being choked that I think relates best; "To dream that someone is choking you means you are suppressing your feelings; you have difficulties in showing your fear, anger, or love". However since you have the same issue I have with my darker self I think you most definitely have some malevolent entities in your life.

As for if Quinn and Brian are real, here is what my guides said when I channeled them; "yes Brian real he super bad." I asked them why Brian was super bad and they told me that they weren't going to tell me which means that its bad if they refuse to tell me lol. I hope that relates to you because I have never done this type of channeling before; I have only done people near me. They also said; "He better but messy". I then asked what she, meaning you would need to do about the Brian person and here is what I got; "she got to let go of friend". Let me know if this actually makes sense because this is the first time I have done this type of channeling over internet with a real person.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-16)
Weird, my mark just kind of sits there and hasn't moved, and its on my left ankle as well.
Its okay, I'm a bit of a tomboy anyways so I'm not the girliest empath in the world. Hey! We're in the same grade!

I had a terrible dream.
A blue hand was trying to choke me, and I was glued to my bed with none other than my right side... It was crazy vivid and left me shaky...

I visualized a vacuum-sealed unopenable silver poke ball, maybe I can make an ocean or give something for the darker self to do. Like knitting!
Don't know how effective that would be, though...
I've had trouble with the "spirit guide" thing, though. I thought the one that tried to kill me was and, well, nope.
So far its been quiet...
Hey, kind of a weird question, can you ask them if Quinn and Brian are real? Its a long story.
Peace!
-Ink
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-16)
I just read your other stories. So your also a girl like me lol. When you mentioned in other stories/posts (I forget which) that you had mark of a foot on you that was wicked tiny. When I was younger I had a bird-like-,foot mark on my left ankle. In middle school and up it started to grow smaller and lighter. I'm a sophomore in high school now its barely even visible. Oh and I apologize for my guides calling you a dude, they for some reason like to refer to almost everything as a male.
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-15)
I channeled my guides for advice on how to prevent the cracks and this is word for word what they said (fyi they refer to almost everything as a guy, I don't know if your a girl but just in case); "You tell him he needs to really focus on what works against himself. Have him make locks on his core. Keep believing in himself. Always sneaky dark self is. Never believe a word your darker self says. Don't free your darker self. Let your darker self wilt within your core. Have him think positive thoughts. Just work on loving what really matters to him. Demon darker self hates love. He love it then he kill it. It will get scared and struggle. Tame it so when lurking it will be kept inside shell. Give it more room to roam. Imagine an artificial place to roam within the core for it. Keep it at bay".

Keep in mind most of my guides guides are children and like to take turns writing or write at once and these are all suggestions. They also told me that you have the same thing that I have except you keep letting it get to you. I hope this helps better than my last post.
Swordsoflight (6 stories) (90 posts)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-15)
[mabus]I've tried to imagine a "Core" (What I call it, anyway.) where its stored but it keeps making cracks in it somehow. I've had to visualize sealants so much it looks less like a sphere and more like a rubber band ball. It used to be like a metal sphere.

[Zin]That makes sense. Bad memories keep coming up and somehow I can kind of remember old bad dreams from my old house.
Last night was horrible.
I got paralyzed and it was almost the same thing as before, but less intense. It was more scary than painful. I don't know how to seal it off for good, every time something bad happens or i'm reminded of something it comes back!

It's been past a year now since my friend saved me and I've started this journey... Maybe i'll find some answers...

Peace,
-Ink
Zin (guest)
-1
5 years ago (2015-01-15)
Yea, fantasy has nothing to do with this, I would not refer to it for assistance.

This most likely is linked with the occurrence you related in an earlier story that being the reoccurrence of the mark left by the spirit that touch you. It is most likely manifesting itself again. This is done by feeding off energy, which is provided by the result of various emotional states. Therefore, to grow stronger, it induces these emotions through various means such as dreams, or seemingly endless bad luck.
mabus (guest)
 
5 years ago (2015-01-15)
I have your same issue. I call my dark side my inner demon. She has been messing with me lately. She has been messing with my ability to channel my guides. Your dark side is what your negative karma has produced to create a negative entity within you. Well at least for me anyways. Mine wants to be released into the real world, to become its own entity. I refuse to let her out. Its a struggle though. There is nothing to be scared of. It is only as strong as you make it to be. Have you ever heard of Naruto? In the anime the main character (Naruto) has the spirit of the nine tailed fox demon sealed inside him. In several episodes you see the ninetails sealed in a (the episodes are kind of scattered). What I did with my inner demon is similar to what was done to the nine tails. I would visualize your darker self being contained in a small space inside of you with no means of escape. If it does try to escape make the small space its sealed in harm it of it tries to escape. That's what I did and has helped me stay sane.

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