Today is Easter, Happy Easter everyone. While we were going to see one of my mom's friends in the rehabilitation center *old age* to get better and out, back at the nursery. On the way there, I had seen flashes of tires, I told my mom to watch out and be careful and that I thought one of our tires might be bad. So we were careful, as soon as I said that, we both saw tire bits on the road everywhere... From another car though, then I had this feeling about us being in a accident and I wanted to cry because I was viewing it in my head. In my vision, I made it out alive with no scratches and she died, I was thinking how much I needed her right now in my life and how I could not afford to lose her. Then a few minutes down the road, I saw a little cross with flowers on it, a female that had been killed by a drunk driver... You all have probably seen those little crosses before on the side of the road.
Then, finally, after I was all shaken up, we arrived at the rehab center and went in to see her. I told my mom before hand to bring a plate of food for her, but she said no, they had probably already eaten and had nowhere to store it. Then she told me to bring my nail polish, and I said no, but she told me yes, you always give her favorite manicures. I told her she probably wouldn't feel like it today, but she still made me drag along my things. So, when we entered, the first thing she complained about was her meal and that it was horrible and I felt so bad that we had a good meal and that we didn't bring anything... I was a bit upset to. Then my mom said, "Don't you want a manicure?" She said... No it is useless, my nails are growing in, so no.
Again I was right, but I was really shaken up the whole day. She didn't know whether she was going to get out of this place or not... Day in and day out... It was so frustrating. I knew how she felt. Though I had not been in a rehab center, I had the same issue with doctors never knowing what was wrong with me, always running into a dead end... Never getting any answers. I felt her energy so much today, in so many ways, I wanted to stay with her forever. The same expression she felt, I could feel and have felt for a while, she felt just what I felt and I felt some relief to finally have someone understand. To have that feeling, where you are just unsure, and you ask and ask everyday and you do everything you can not knowing, so unsure. I can't really tell what I felt from her because it was so overpowering, I was just finally so glad to have someone understand and at the same time felt horrible to feel the amount of pain.
And when we left to hug, I never wanted to let go and neither did she, I wish I could have stayed there forever. Once we left to go on the road, a few minutes down a hill, past a light that just turned green, a car thought they could turn on a red light and almost hit my mom's side of the car. I had warned her earlier of someone hitting us, thank goodness she stopped.
Even though I am unsure in parts of life and feel pain and others, sometimes I am glad to feel the love and have people I love beside me knowing they are still there.