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Connection With The Dark


I have never been very good at meditating. I read the purpose of meditating is to think of nothing, and then focus on one thing. Well, that's what I do every waking moment. I guess that's why no one really thinks like me, and I seem really absentminded all the time. However, I found there is more than that. I was reading through this site, and found a story about someone feeling that darkness was out to get them. The majority of the answers was that meditating in the dark, or even with your eyes closed will attract evil spirits. Eh... Well I am far more into the dark then that. I have always loved the dark, it is what hid me, and was the only comfort I had when I was young. My favorite color is black, or maroon, or really deep blue. I have always felt connected to dark, and generally refer to myself as "umbrum" or shadow in Latin. I also have never really felt right in nature. The feelings of life are simply too strong, and I really don't feel like I belong there. I also feel a presence every once in a while. It seems evil, but I enjoy the company, while it lasts. It generally goes away once I say my prayers for the night.

Long ago I mastered the ability to block mental attacks and auras from harming me, unless the person is within a few feet of me. There is also a second aura around me, which I can draw on that I call simply chaos. It only manifests itself when I am at the brink of losing my sanity usually due my my idiotic knack for trying to remember early memories which I know perfectly well I cannot stand without them tearing my mind apart. My mind reels, and it helps me recover. It is also the only energy I have been able to use for any ability other than empathetic energy movement. Oddly enough, I have no emotion. I only feel emotion that the others around me feel, and I match my emotions to theirs. Unfortunately, most people are so selfish, heartless and cruel that I have to stay away from this practice. I don't see how compassion is such an alien thing to them. I spend my days trying to expand my mental capacity, and learning how to rip myself from these blasted human sexually oriented thoughts. If he have to be practically forced to think about that crap, then maybe a few less kids every year isn't such a bad idea. I really don't have time for it. But as they say, misery breeds understanding.

I guess the point of this little life story is to find why I have so much trouble being a psychic. Is being this close to darkness really that bad? If so, I'll try to get away from it.

Thanks, Exglabrum

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The following comments are submitted by users of this site and are not official positions by Please read our guidelines and the previous posts before posting. The author, exglabrum, has the following expectation about your feedback: I will participate in the discussion and I need help with what I have experienced.

penance11 (2 stories) (7 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-08)
Hey mate, keen to talk penance_11 [at] I believe I may be able to help as I too share an earily close resemblance to these but I semi understand it
FlowerofAutumn (1 stories) (3 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-06)
Well meditation isn't really thinking of nothing. Meditation is to quiet the random "chatter" in your mind, and to focus on whatever it is you are attempting to achieve. I can relate to your comfort of darkness, I used to be the same when I was younger, then I realized that the dark just wasn't for me. While darkness isn't necessarily a bad thing, it can attract presences and ideals that are harmful. I believe why you are not growing in your psychic abilities may be due to this; just as night is a period of slumber, darkness is a period of rest or reclusiveness for us human beings. Also a time for grieving and sadness. To be subjected to this daily, is surely not entirely good. Just as someone being physically stagnate is unhealthy, it is equally so spiritually and emotionally. I suggest setting up a sort of balance, to assure that your growth can continue, and to at least experience nature once a day, as you are an Empath, (such as myself) nature can replenish and cleanse your energies, especially water, so a river or stream (if possible), or even sitting outside with a bowl of water. I know this may sound eccentric, but it works. Also if you wish to pursue meditation, I highly suggest you find a mantra, a phrase or word that means something to you. For example, I voice "Center" repeatedly in my mind if I wish to center myself and find peace. I hope some of my suggestions help. Who knows, maybe you'll find more comfort in the light like I did.
-Laikyn ❤
Deathwalker86 (2 stories) (23 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-04)
I understand the feeling of being attracted to the Darker aspects of life. The thing about this is that it attracts a lot of lower vibrational entities around you and trust me, that's not all you want to have around you. I know that Darkness is tempting and it makes you feel strong but I've learned to use my experience with the lower vibrations to better myself.

It might sound a lil' nerdy of me to say this but if you have seen Star Wars Episode III, there's a scene where Anakin is talking to Palpatine at the theater. And Palpatine pretty much tells him that for one to be skilled in the ways of the Force one has to experience both sides.

I personally like to use Dark to understand Light. And vice versa.

There's a good meditation book from OSHO titled "Meditation: The first and last freedom", it has many techniques for meditation that have been useful for me. I think you should try different ways of meditation.
vergil117 (4 stories) (201 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-04)
i can try to answer this. I completely understand how you feel that people around you have no compassion, my solution to that is to go out and find something that I like, such as going to a football game or going to see a movie or something. Try not to focus on the negative, focus on the positive.
thatguy (7 stories) (43 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-04)
there is no such thing as a "typical teenager". I understand it, iv had it too. I have gone through evil stages my whole short life. I think people tend to get wrapped up, and think that every single thing is a psychic experience. Chill out, meditate.
exglabrum (4 stories) (5 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-03)
So the thing which I have been close to is what I should be fighting... Interesting.

Not a shadow of someone, so much as a state of being.

I have gotten close to the God on a few occasions, and then received the name "glaecis". It means ice. I assume that's because I always loved how it reflected the light.

Thank you both for your insight. I will try to use your suggestions to the best of my ability.

I am terribly sorry if I seemed prideful in my first comment.
Newbiepsychic (109 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-03)
So this is a difficult post to answer I think, but I'll give it a try.

First off, meditation can be used for many purposes, relaxation, to stop the constant chatter in our heads, to find a place of peace, to connect with our own spirit and for some a connection to God. It's for the purpose you set out, you only need to follow it if it offers something to you. From your post it sounds like it does not. That's fine, leave it alone for awhile and when you feel the need to get back to it then give it a try.

Regarding darkness... It poses options to us, it is always present, in every situation, there will always be light vs dark, there is always a positive and a negative way to look at things, experience things. You feel safe in the dark I think because you don't see the option of the light. That's ok, it's something that for some people is a difficult and very step by step thing to understand and experience. So just take it step by step, day by day, try seeing the positive, the light, the love in every situation, every interaction. When you do this you override the dark, you cancel it out. And slowly but surely over time you will feel safer and more comfortable in the light.

The dark is there for you to overcome, that's the point, either you will or you won't and for some it can take a really long time. It's a test of your soul, it's a test. Less dark and more light, is a better balance if you can achieve it. Both can be used in psychic abilities but one will leave your soul in darkness and negativity and the other in light and love. It's your choice.

The colour black is actually a combination of all colours, it doesn't necessarily represent negativity. But white and light are associated with light and love, when you mediate, you may wish to try visualizing your body surrounded with white light. I actually visualize white or gold around the body.

Funny how those things go away when you say your prayers for the night. Hint hint hint!

Sexual thoughts are normal, stop trying to overcome them, just try to find a balance as best you can. You won't escape them, no one really does.

Interesting that you consider yourself a shadow, a shadow of whom? I have read somewhere that we are all composed of many pieces, the shadow being one of them, the goal is to bring all of our pieces together. Possibly you identify with the shadow part of you at this time and need to work to integrate other aspects of yourself to become whole.

I know I didn't address everything, but hopefully a bit of insight for you to work with.
max727272 (2 stories) (38 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-03)
I think darkness can definately be tempting. But having your abilities certainly does not have to be a bad thing. Instead of focusing on darkness or on negative spirits, learn new things about auras and what you can do with your energy, or if you can (if you want to) communicate with good spirits. When I was young I was often surrounded by darkness, so I had to lean towards the light. Embrace the good, positive gifts that I had and eventually I felt better and the darkness went away. STill, if I ever still have trouble these days I ask for ArchAngel MIchaels protection. By the way, I don't think all darkness is bad. People usually seem to connect 'darkness' and 'bad' together, but I think you should just go with your instinct-and stay safe. I hope this helps. I wish you the best.
exglabrum (4 stories) (5 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-03)
I am sorry to see that you have placed me under the depiction of the stereotypical teenager. Well, that cannot be helped. Most peoples minds are set simply on their predisposed opinions of a person based solely on their age.
I assure you that I am not feeling self pity of any kind. I gave up that self-destroying habit a long time ago.
The events I related have transpired over the course of eleven years, so it is not just "normal teenager stuff"
The only problem I currently have is that I am not progressing as fast as I would like towards either learning more about my abilities, or my mental growth.

Thank you for your input, I am sorry for being so short, but I need to return to my work and don't have the time for a longer response.
thatguy (7 stories) (43 posts)
9 years ago (2012-10-03)
it sounds to me like you have depression. You have emotions, trust me, your just not letting them surface. It seems you have a lot of self hatred, and a lot of self pity, which is typical teenager stuff. From what iv learned, meditating let's loose energy on different frequencies, which attracts things. Id let time pass, and try to focus on different things. Next time you meditate, visualize all your problems on a wheel, and give them each a bit of attention.

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