I have never been very good at meditating. I read the purpose of meditating is to think of nothing, and then focus on one thing. Well, that's what I do every waking moment. I guess that's why no one really thinks like me, and I seem really absentminded all the time. However, I found there is more than that. I was reading through this site, and found a story about someone feeling that darkness was out to get them. The majority of the answers was that meditating in the dark, or even with your eyes closed will attract evil spirits. Eh... Well I am far more into the dark then that. I have always loved the dark, it is what hid me, and was the only comfort I had when I was young. My favorite color is black, or maroon, or really deep blue. I have always felt connected to dark, and generally refer to myself as "umbrum" or shadow in Latin. I also have never really felt right in nature. The feelings of life are simply too strong, and I really don't feel like I belong there. I also feel a presence every once in a while. It seems evil, but I enjoy the company, while it lasts. It generally goes away once I say my prayers for the night.
Long ago I mastered the ability to block mental attacks and auras from harming me, unless the person is within a few feet of me. There is also a second aura around me, which I can draw on that I call simply chaos. It only manifests itself when I am at the brink of losing my sanity usually due my my idiotic knack for trying to remember early memories which I know perfectly well I cannot stand without them tearing my mind apart. My mind reels, and it helps me recover. It is also the only energy I have been able to use for any ability other than empathetic energy movement. Oddly enough, I have no emotion. I only feel emotion that the others around me feel, and I match my emotions to theirs. Unfortunately, most people are so selfish, heartless and cruel that I have to stay away from this practice. I don't see how compassion is such an alien thing to them. I spend my days trying to expand my mental capacity, and learning how to rip myself from these blasted human sexually oriented thoughts. If he have to be practically forced to think about that crap, then maybe a few less kids every year isn't such a bad idea. I really don't have time for it. But as they say, misery breeds understanding.
I guess the point of this little life story is to find why I have so much trouble being a psychic. Is being this close to darkness really that bad? If so, I'll try to get away from it.