I've posted here before. I provided an email address, so other like-minded people could contact me. I got a number of responses, and communicated with some really cool people, but I don't think anyone really understood what it is I'm going through. I thought I'd give it another shot today.
I've felt very different throughout my life. As a child I never fit in with my peers. My interests were different than that of most children's. I was always deeply fascinated by the way things work. I was especially enthralled by nature.
I became aware of how different I am the first time during a high school pep rally. The whole school was in the gym, and a bunch of cheerleaders were on the gym floor, leading the school in some rallies before an upcoming football game. Everyone around me jumped up and began chanting along, pumping their fists in the air, and I could see that they were genuinely into it. But I felt not the slightest inclination to join them. I couldn't help but see their behavior as bizarre.
That would end up being the story of my life. I'm 41 now, and I've spent my entire life observing the behavior of others, more like an alien from another planet than as a human. At the same time, I know I'm human; I have two human parents, and a lot of human tendencies. But something about me makes me fundamentally different, to the extent that I'm an alien, for practical purposes.
I started reading the works of Carl Jung a little over a year ago, and was touched by Jung's writing. It had a profound effect on me. It opened my mind to new ways of thinking, and soon after I began experiencing what Jung calls "synchronicity". I also became aware of the synchronicity that had been occurring in my life up to that point.
I've written about my experiences in more detail in other posts, if you're interested in learning about them. I'll briefly mention the fact that I have strange experiences with time. Anytime I'm in a room with two clocks, and I'm alone, the seconds on the clocks synchronize perfectly. If I set the timer on a microwave, for example, and there's a clock in the room, the seconds will tick off the microwave in perfect sync with the clock. The same thing happens with the hard drive light on a computer (it flashes in perfect sync with clocks).
Like I said, I've detailed my experiences regarding time in other posts. I've also had strange experiences with dragonflies, and recurring numbers, like 314, 420, and 11.
Along with that, I'm highly empathic, and I've really experienced a lot of that lately. I'm especially in tune to the emotions of my Dad, so much in fact that I have to avoid being around him a lot of the time.
A few months ago there was a tragedy in my family. My Mom, who I'm positive has narcissistic personality disorder, totally flipped out. I won't get into the details, but I'll tell you that she betrayed my Dad, and me. I honestly never knew what betrayal was, up until a few months ago. Like most people, I know what it's like to have other people do crappy things to you, but what my Mom did was in a completely different category.
I went through a period of the most horribly negative emotions I'd ever imagined. I didn't know it was even possible to feel the way I did. At one point I even felt a very strong, negative "vibration" in my body (I've experienced similar, but very positive/euphoric vibrations during lucid dreams). I couldn't even move; I could only lay there and wait for whatever was happening to pass.
Now I'm feeling much better, in regard to what happened with my Mom. She's become a non-factor to me. I'm not even angry at her anymore. She's irrelevant to me, and now I can see that's a good thing. I'm free from a lot of the negative emotions I used to know, which came as a result of my very poor, shallow relationship with her.
Now, though, I feel more alone than ever. I feel more despair than ever, because I don't know how to even think about life. I don't feel like I have a purpose in this world. It's hard to have a purpose when you live amongst 7 billion humans and you don't feel like one of them.
I write and record songs, and also write fiction. It's something I've always enjoyed, but it's also caused me a lot of pain, because so few people care about what I do. It's left me always wondering, what's the point, if nobody cares? A lot of people will tell you that if you're going to do anything creative, you need to do it for the satisfaction it brings you, and not be concerned with the validation of others. As much as I can see the wisdom in that, I find it very hard to apply.
I've also been heavily involved in political activism. There's always been a handful of people who've supported me in this, but I don't see the point in that anymore, either. All it's really ever done is make a lot of people angry with me.
In short, I don't see the point in anything. I feel so different from ordinary people that I'm essentially alone here. Nothing I do ever seems to matter, making me wonder, what's the point in doing anything?
I've spent a lot of time asking and attempting to answer metaphysical questions, like what's the meaning to all this? Why is there a Universe, and why is there life? I've actually come up with some theories I find very plausible. I won't get into those now, but I'll tell you I believe that whatever's happening, it's happening for a reason, and a good reason at that. I see beauty in the Universe. I see goodness in the Universe. But that doesn't go very far in consoling me, when I feel so dreadfully alone.
I've met others somewhat like myself. They were all women who experienced a lot of trauma in their lives. One I'm even friends with, though she's married, so I'm very limited in the interaction I can have with her. I went and visited with her the other day. She's going through a tragedy of her own, and as we talked about life, she had a look in her eyes I could completely relate to. It's the look of someone weary, and out of place, and in a word, 'alien'. More than anything, she wishes people weren't the way they are. My number one complaint about life on Planet Earth is the way people are. They create a tremendous amount of suffering, and most of it unnecessarily.
I'm not saying I'm an angel, because I'm not, but I've always wished people weren't the way they are. They can be decent at times, but most of the time they're not all that decent, and at times they can be downright horrible.
I love this planet. I feel like it's my home, and where I belong, but I feel a little uneasy around most people. I tend to get along well with people. For example, I usually head out a couple of times each week and jam with some other musicians, and they like having me around. I like being around them, especially where we're playing music, but I can never escape the feeling that deep-down, I'm not one of them. I can recognize that they all have something in common, and that I don't share that with them. Where they all act naturally, it takes effort on my part to be like them.
I feel like I can't be myself around most people. Again, it requires a deliberate effort on my part to be like ordinary people. I have to remember how they think (or maybe more appropriately, how they don't think), and behave as though I think like them, when I really don't. It might sound arrogant, but in a lot of ways I feel like an adult around a bunch of kids who still believe in Santa Clause. I feel like the one person who knows Santa Clause isn't real, and it comes as a real burden to me.
Anyway, this is getting long, so I'm going to wrap it up. As for the title of my post, "Input from a different frequency", I believe there are certain people who receive input from a different frequency, or a different source, than normal people do. The brains of normal people, I believe, receive input only from their environments, and the things around them. But I think there are some people who get some of their input from a non-physical source, or multiple non-physical sources. What that source is (or sources are), I really have no idea, but I believe it pertains to something higher.
I realize that the above paragraph may not seem very profound; maybe even something you've considered or already believe yourself. Where it is actually profound, I think, is in helping people like me understand why we're so different, and why we feel so alien. We feel different because we're literally tuned into a different frequency than ordinary people are. You might even say that ordinary people aren't tuned into anything, but are instead merely reacting to physical stimuli, and in that sense, purely automatic.
Do you ever get the impression that the vast majority of people you know are automatons? Do you ever notice a slightly blank look in the eyes of almost everyone? I do.
I hope I don't offend anyone with what I'm going to say next, but I think it's important I say this. I think there are a lot of people who might actually have paranormal abilities, but who also want to feel special as a result. Most people are looking for things to distinguish themselves from other people, and a psychic ability is great for that.
It may be my age, or other factors, but I'm not writing this because I want to feel special. I'm not looking to have anyone tell me I'm special, or a starseed, or anything like that. What I'm really hoping to find is people who understand what I'm talking about. I'm looking for people who understand the intense feeling of alienation I've described, who feel painfully different from others. Who might, even at the risk of sounding arrogant, describe themselves as being somewhat "awake", surrounded by 7 billion humans who mostly aren't.
If you can relate to my story, feel free to email me at:
Whiskeydango at gmail.
All the best!